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Since AOW closed for business I think we’ve all been struggling to find our internet tribes. Some of us have quite happily settled into the mummy blogging/insta routine. Some of us have dangerously dallianced with the dark side and it’s oh-so-pretty interiors. And some of us have floundered around not knowing quite where we fit. Apparently being a thirty something woman with no children who had a total bastard of a time trying to move house automatically precludes you from quite a lot so I mainly fitted into the latter category. Sure I read The Pool and Stylist and Standard Issue from time to time, but they weren’t mine, they weren’t home.
Which is how (somewhat ironically given my aforementioned lack of sprog) I ended up on mumsnet. Specifically the FWR bit of the site. I don’t join in much but I read a lot and it’s led me to some sites and some twitterers I’m really pleased to have found. And they have one thing in common – they’re all ‘radical’ feminists.
Now, I’ve always felt I was more attuned to the Greer school of feminism that the Cyrus version, even back in my skinny student days when I was myself happily if self consciously wiggling around in skimpy outfits. I never felt fully comfortable with the liberal/third wave/’any choice is a feminist choice even if you’re stepping on others to haul yourself up’ type of feminism (I like to think of it as ‘cosmo’ feminism – pretending to be empowering whilst still telling you how to look, who to fancy and what position to fuck in whilst making you feel generally a bit inadequate) but I hadn’t really been that aware of the distinctions, drivers and ideologies behind the schools.
So I started reading more critically and viewing the world through a different lens, and, yes, I was radicalised by the internet and am now a loud and proudly gender critical, pro Nordic model second waver. Mostly I think this awakening has been a positive thing for me, but once you swallow the red pill there’s no going back and seeing the world and its structures and hierarchies the way you used to. And a lot of the time it’s hard and bleak and depressing and (when not sobbing uncontrollably and/or wailing how we’re going to be living the real life Handmaid’s tail in a few years) the will to overcome is the only thing that keeps you going.
It’s helped that hubs has been increasingly happy to read up on this too, and now is often the one to point things out to me and lead the outrage. But that doesn’t mean he quite gets why I take it so personally and struggle to cope emotionally as much as I do when footballers get their rape convictions overturned, and supposed human rights organisations side with pimp lobbies, and fucking orange faced, fascist, groping dickwads beat nice, qualified, competent, intelligent women into positions of power (actually he despairs as much as I do at that one). It makes the world a pretty scary, hopeless, lonely place sometimes.
So I’m so happy to have this space back. Somewhere to remind you that people can disagree without one of them being wrong, somewhere where cakes are as important as politics, where silliness is not just permitted but encouraged, and where we support each other through the good and the bad.
NB I’m leaving this anonymous due to not wanting to be doxxed by MRA randomers as is sadly fairly common now when one outs oneself as radfem (and particularly troublesome when you have recurrent stalker issues) but I know you’ll all know who I am.