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I don’t know where to start.
We are getting married in 12 weeks.
We have a child who is 18 months old.
My husband to be is a sex addict.
I found pictures of him naked last night on his iPad. Then I did a bit more digging and found some pictures of women that he’d forwarded to himself on his email from WhatsApp. I confronted him and he told me that he’d had signed up to a website where you exchange pictures and can chat to women on line. He pays a monthly fee. One of the images was from October. Which was around the time I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression.
He believes he is a sex addict. He claims he isn’t using that as an excuse. I believe that this may be the case as he has always had a high sex drive and I know he watches porn. I am so mad, confused, angry, upset and I can’t talk to anyone about it. Literally anyone. If he was a gambling addict and he’d spent all our money then people could understand or empathise because their friends cousin once did the same. If he was an alcoholic who always had a few too many then people would feel sorry for us but know that we could get help.
But how can I tell anyone? On the surface we are a happy family, we have a nice life, good friends, I don’t understand it.
He can’t explain to me why he feels the way he does, he sees it as a separate part of him that has nothing to do with our life. He’s keen to have counselling, couple and one to one. I worry that addiction is something that doesn’t go away. That I’ll never be enough. That I’ll always feel on edge and that he will be looking for something that I can’t give him. This is also not the first time we’ve been here. In 2008 I found a video of him in a compromising position with a woman. He promised it would never happen again and he was sorry. I would say it took at least 3 years for me to completely trust him again.
I just don’t know what to do. Will we get married? Will I end up a single mum? Should we postpone the wedding? Who can I tell?
For better or worse and in sickness and in health. I just never believed this would be our sickness.