Dear Any Other Woman,
I’m sure there are so many girls like me who are confused. I’m supposed to be independent and confident in my decisions and chosen life. I never thought I was a girl who would sit at a wedding and wish it was me. The fever has got to me, I have to ride it out but sometimes the only way to calm the whizzing voices in your head is just to speak about them. I can’t talk to family and friends and they are all of the opinion that we should get married, some even are offended as they think we are anti-marriage and that we hate it. I can’t talk to my partner about it as he would then marry me to keep me happy (he is that wonderful) but I really don’t want to get married just to keep me happy – that isn’t a good reason for a pretty big life long commitment. So I’ve turned to Any Other Woman and just by sending this email I feel calmer, well until the next wedding invite arrives that is.
I am in the midst of the wedding season and the wedding years. One by one friends are enjoying beautiful days and celebrating. I enjoy all the weddings. I love seeing the dresses and kilts and dancing shoes. The speeches can be funny or sentimental and the food choices can be surprising. Lavender shortbread was a definite hit, smoked salmon starters will always not be for me. I know however that I will never get a day like this for myself or ourselves as my wonderful Boyo and I will not be walking down any aisle.
Our reasons are many but it boils down to 3 main reasons.
We are not religious so do not feel compelled for that reason.
I worry that marriage to me will make him feel like he is trapped, I know we are committed but I always want him to feel like he has a choice.
And finally, he has been married before.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of pressure primarily from my family and I am weary and annoyed. Why can’t they respect our decisions and see that we are happy? It is also rude and intrusive and I find it taxing to repeatedly have to defend ourselves.
We’re at the point now where we are thinking about children. Up until this point I was always fine with our decision but now I am conflicted.
I don’t want a ‘wedding’, I have never liked being centre of attention and I know that he has been there and done that and I just would torment myself with comparisons.
When we go to functions I don’t want to introduce him as ‘boyfriend’ it diminishes what we are. Partner can sound cold and I’m not entitled to call him my husband.
When we do have children they will have his surname (100% happy with this) but they will be my family and I’d like us to share the same name instead of me being excluded.
But then I think to myself that we are happy, we are committed, we know that we are right for each other and a wedding won’t change that, changing my name won’t change that and already my heart he is my family; children will just compound that.
I need to worry less about other people and just trust in our love. However I know something now that I didn’t before, if he asked I’d say yes a million times over because deep down I’d love to marry the man I love.