Thing I feel Like A Knobber for Complaining About*

*But I’m going to anyway

SELFIE LOL PREGGO INSPO

Easy with the hypocrisy, Alsopp. I will admit to using ‘LOL’ – mainly (actually, only) in Whatsapp conversations with Rach because holy crap she really DOES make me laugh out loud approximately 84890 times a week and typing out ‘good grief you are so funny I just laughed out loud’ all the time gets a tad dull. Even then, I like to think I’m being ironic. (I know. Loser.) But ‘selfie’ – NO. ‘Inspo’ – NO NO NO. Even ‘preggo’ with all it’s adorable and joy-filled associations, makes me squirmy. I think it’s because it’s an extension/development of text-speak, which I have never used. When my mum uses ‘u’ in a text instead of ‘you’, I won’t reply until she corrects herself, inevitably calling me an old woman in the process. It just makes my eyeballs want to jump out of my face.

Why, lovely readers? Where have these non-words come from and whyyyyyyyy are we using them? Why do they bother me so much and should I shut up? (Yes.) And what ones have I forgotten?

NB I totes overuse totes. Pot, this is kettle….

RENTING

I have a perfectly pleasant, safe, solid, family-appropriate home. It’s in a good area, with excellent schools and brilliant transport links, it’s close to Phil’s work and there are loads of parks and a few decent shops within walking distance. I am very, very lucky.

We rent this house. I hate that. It’s funny, I didn’t mind renting at all when we lived in the beautiful little cottage in the idyllic village in the middle of nowhere. To buy the cottage would have been far outside of our financial capabilities, so it felt like renting was giving us this wonderful chance to live a picture perfect life we could otherwise have not experienced.

Then we moved. And I am still not in love with our home. I have days when I like it, so that’s good. But renting suddenly seems like a waste of money. It feels transient and temporary and expensive, despite the fact we’re saving far more money than we could living in the cottage. Maybe it’s not just leaving the cottage that’s done it? Maybe it’s having Stella and feeling the urge to put down roots? Renters – do you feel like this? How do I get out of this funk?

LOSING TOO MUCH WEIGHT AFTER HAVING A BABY

Do you want to punch me? Or are you rolling your eyes? Because I want to punch me and I roll my own eyes at myself whenever I bring this topic up. I don’t know why, exactly, but even though it something that bothers me hugely, I feel like I’m just being a Smug Sally if I do complain. ‘Oh, woe is me. I eat ALL THE THINGS and I’m still SO SKINNY.’ What a knobber.

It’s standard to worry and to talk about ‘baby weight’, as long as you’re talking about the weight that you can’t shift. No-one wants to hear about you how you lost all your baby weight and then some over a 12 week period. You’re a dick if you complain about that. (No -one has ever called me a dick, by the way. Except me.) But that is what happened to me, and I’m not happy about it. I hate it. It makes me miserable. I’m happy at about 10 1/2 stone, I’m now 9. I was fast approaching 14 stone when Stella was born… so yeah, I’ve lost a lot of weight. Too much.

I didn’t mean to lose any of it, by the way – apart from the actual baby bit, obviously. There was no plan, no diet, no exercise other than walking with the pram every day… my metabolism just went mental post-birth. I was my pre-birth weight when Stella was 3 months old and I thought quietly to myself, ‘gosh. I’m so LUCKY.’ and I stayed very quiet on the subject of ‘baby weight’ because how bloody annoying must I seem to all the new mums around me who didn’t feel quite themselves yet? But then the weight just kept falling off. My pre-pregnancy wardrobe that I’d been so excited to fit back into no longer sat properly. My collar and hip bones started to protrude, my mum and Phil started nagging me to eat more. And no matter what I eat, what portion sizes I scoff, how many servings or snacks I have, I cannot regain that extra weight that was never meant to go.

I’m tired of my clothes not fitting but I refuse to buy new, smaller ones. I hate the way I look, all I see is angles and hollows. My families anxiety about my diet and appearance is exhausting. And yet I never talk about it (apart from in WSS – see below) because I’m afraid of being shouted down. And because I also hate…

NEGATIVITY ON THE INTERNET*

*I KNOW. I’ve just spent 1000 words yacking on about my woes on the Internets. Bear with me, it should make sense.

This is a sweeping statement. It’s also the crux of this post/brain-dump, where it all started. I don’t mean it, not really – free speech and all that. I am responsible for what I read at the end of the day, so go forth and whine away – I am! What I really mean, I think, what I’m advocating, is a Whiny Safe Space. A Whiny Safe Space is a place to go, a person to talk to, where you can be 100% totally, brutally honest with no judgement. Sometimes, yes, Twitter or Instagram or whatever your social media of choice is IS that safe space; but, honestly, a lot of the time it isn’t. A lot of the time there’s a voice or voices out there who will hurt you, make you sad, make you doubt yourself or question the validity of your feelings – with Whiny Safe Space this just isn’t an issue. You say what you need to, your WSS partner nods, done.

I use WSS frequently, it’s made me unquestionably happier. I chuck up whatever it is that’s bothering me, give myself a shake and move on. It makes me less negative in social situations – in booth real and virtual life and so I feel lighter, more capable of getting on with my day or week or life in general.

But. Is WSS really better for me? Or am I cutting off my nose to spite my face? If I was more honest about my grumbles and issues and negativity in more open forums, would life be easier? This post is my experiment – getting my grumbles out there, seeing if it helps… What do you think, readers?

Categories: Life Experience, Written By Aisling
50 interesting thoughts on this

50 Comments

  1. Katielase
    Posted March 31, 2014 at 8:08 am | Permalink

    On Friday I would have agreed about online negativity, usually I moderate myself in public social media hugely, but this weekend for the first time I was really honest about how I felt. On Saturday I woke up crying, again, and told Twitter I was struggling at being pregnant, and after about 3 hours crying with relief at the incredible responses, I felt better. So yeah, sometimes it helps. I’m also pretty sure my designated WSS partner, Gareth, was somewhat relieved that I finally told someone else what I’d been dumping on him alone for months. But I do also still agree that constantly using social media as a space to vent your negativity can become draining.

    Anyway, in the interests of sharing, things that I can’t deal with that are ridiculous… putting on weight during pregnancy (I KNOW, I’m a dick, I cried because at 6 months pregnant I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been, as if you wouldn’t expect such a thing), the word ‘literally’ because it so rarely actually means literally, and people not using the Oxford comma (I blame my Dad for that one).

    KL xx

    • Katielase
      Posted March 31, 2014 at 8:11 am | Permalink

      PS: I totes overuse preggo. I think it’s because the word pregnant still alarms me slightly.

      • ChirstyMac
        Posted March 31, 2014 at 8:18 am | Permalink

        Oh KL, saw your all the Twittering at the weekend. Didn’t feel I could legitimately join in since I am not, have never been, nor likely to be preggers (my own favourite version of the preggo). But did want to stop by and say that I think you’re fab. Just a little tiny bit of hero-worship from me to you. Hang in there super star. Don’t know from experience but JUST KNOW; It will get tons better. X

        • Katielase
          Posted March 31, 2014 at 10:52 am | Permalink

          Oh Chirsty, I think I love you! Actually, I know I do. Thank you for this!

          KL x

      • Ro
        Posted March 31, 2014 at 2:00 pm | Permalink

        Oh Katie I feel for you – I’m also 6 months pregnant and while parts of being pregnant are wonderful/amazing/incredible, I’m also an emotional train-wreck half the time and pregnancy has coincided with a side-serving of life-cr*p I’m also really struggling with right now which makes it difficult to feel the joy.

        Best of luck for the next few months. x

        • Katielase
          Posted March 31, 2014 at 2:55 pm | Permalink

          And the same to you, huge hugs! Pregnancy has definitely made me less good at dealing with other life cr*p that has chosen to happen along.

          KL x

    • Steff
      Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:39 am | Permalink

      I may have made this up but hasn’t the definition of literally actually been changed because of all the ridiculous misuse so it now means literally and literally ‘for emphasis’ at the same time?! Insane. I do hope I’ve made that up.

      • Posted March 31, 2014 at 10:22 am | Permalink

        Not made up! It’s totes true. And I’m actually on board, because I use “actually” all the time even though I’m not *actually* (for example) on board a ship, so it would be hyprocritical of me to complain about people using literally the same way. Plus it makes me think of Rob Lowe in Parks and Rec, which is utterly delightful in every way.

  2. ChirstyMac
    Posted March 31, 2014 at 8:14 am | Permalink

    Oh yay! It’s like an Anna K drivel post: smart and incisive with a point to it, but by the other awesome A!

    As for WSS I do believe we benefit from this. C’mon, who doesn’t feel the need to just ‘get it out of themselves’ once in a while? As far as WSS on the internet I also think you could do some really interesting research into what making an open and public form your WSS on a regular basis says about someone, their personal support network, their securities and insecurities, their need for attention irrespective of what form that attention takes. Or not. it’ all quite fascinating really.

    I personally have to consciously pay attention to where I am making my WSS All. The. Time. I am pathologically glass-half-empty so consciously make efforts to NOT deluge it all down on folk in inappropriate settings (Facebook in particular: pet hate on inappropriate passive agressive FB overshare “ChirstyMac… is really learning who her true friends are today” etc).

    I think having close female friends (not trying to gender-bias, maybe yours are men, but you know what I mean) is massively key to WSS. One of the awesome things about AOW: WSS: no judgement, loads of support.

    Oh this has become a waffle comment of AOW-love. Sorry, but you ladies are all aces. X

    • Linsey
      Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:38 am | Permalink

      I hate those cryptic Facebook posts too!

  3. Posted March 31, 2014 at 8:24 am | Permalink

    I think I use the internet as my whiny safe space as people in real life think I have my head screwed on with everything pleasantly in order. Not so much. I’m a chronic over sharer (yes, you all sigh, we know….) and have probably lost twitter followers due to my drivel. But I think I support others and post enough pics of Toby to be forgiven most of the time!

    But I don’t moan on Facebook – like C I hate the passive aggressive statuses and attention seeking.

    As for abbreviations and text speak, I still die a little inside every time I use lol!

  4. Posted March 31, 2014 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    Ah I need a WSS. I don’t have one, don’t know where to go for one. I don’t have close friends, or even any friends near to me. Therefore sometimes Twitter gets it. Scratch the sometimes, what am I saying? I treat twitter as my WSS. I just can’t help it – where else to turn? I *try* not to get crazy with it but sometimes it’s only people on twitter who I think might understand what I’m saying. If I say to mum/husband/dog something like ‘I really can’t do today’ they think I mean I want another cup of tea. Twitter always knows what to say.

    Preggers > preggo, never used the word ‘inspo’ (I think?) and despise LOL (see also: ROFL, PMSL etc).

    Excellent post, and once again highlighted that AOW-ettes on twitter are probably the best friends I have.

    x

  5. Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:01 am | Permalink

    I need a WSS! Feel like I’m going to explode sometimes. Where do you turn to when you really don’t want to bring anyone else down but desperately need to vent? My mum gets most of it and I always feel like I’m dumping on her….this means I can forgive her endless text gr8s LOLs and luvs though. What IS it about the older generation and textspeak? Do they know they can have more characters if they need them?

    Px

    • Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:03 am | Permalink

      Penny add me on Whatsapp immediately. If you’ll have me, that is. x

      • Katielase
        Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:33 am | Permalink

        And me! Both of you! You probably won’t regret it. Probably.

        KL xx

        • ChirstyMac
          Posted March 31, 2014 at 11:33 am | Permalink

          Can I join in? My mother is my WSS as I don’t have close girlfriends that I feel I can use for a WSS – I can be a WSS for you guys too! :) X

          • Katielase
            Posted March 31, 2014 at 2:56 pm | Permalink

            Yes! Can you DM me your number on Twitter? Or I’ll find you later and send you mine :-)

            KL x

            • Posted March 31, 2014 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

              Can we form a group? How do we make that happen??

              Px

              • Becca
                Posted March 31, 2014 at 6:02 pm | Permalink

                Meeeee toooo

                • Posted March 31, 2014 at 10:40 pm | Permalink

                  Oooh I want to be in this group please?!?

  6. mysparethoughts
    Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:06 am | Permalink

    I lost weight during my first and second trimester – hello morning sickness. Then I lost all my baby weight and some once she arrived despite the vast quantities of chocolate I was consuming. Add to that a dose of meningitis and I’m currently about a stone less than I’d like to be. Yes to the hip bones and skinny arms. Everyone telling me I need to eat more. It has gone from people telling me that I look good to them telling me I look skinny. I was trying to work out whether my torso had grown while I was pregnant as all of my tops feel too short but I think it is because my trousers now all sit on my hips instead of round my waist. I was a skinny child and teenager, my metabolism didn’t really kick in until my 20s.

    • mysparethoughts
      Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:08 am | Permalink

      Oh and I’m not really coping with my parents current need to post ‘selfies’ to our family whatsapp group, partly because they’re usually off to the theatre or out for a meal but mainly because just no!

  7. Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:17 am | Permalink

    I’m afraid I’m not able to comment on the pregnancy weight loss, as I’ve 1. never been pregnant & 2. am currently the heaviest I’ve ever been through a combination of thesis write up stress & living apart from C so eating whatever I want, whenever that may be… Coupled with the requirement to wear a sari to a wedding in 19 days, this is making me feel extremely stressed. Oh hey there extended inlaws at a wedding, here is my belly!

    My WSS is my poor husband. He gets it all, including phone calls in the middle of the night. Meh, for better or worse & all that. I don’t like moaning on Facebook because I know my “friends” will roll their eyes, much like I do with a lot of the constant gripes I see on there.

    Renting. Is. Evil. That is all. We pay an extortionate sum for a tiny 1 bed flat which is so small it doesn’t even have the washing machine inside. And it’s so expensive we can’t afford to save a deposit. Vicious cycle.

    My pet hate abbreviations wise is “hehe”, yet I am guilty of using it ALL THE TIME. It must be said that this (to me at least) creates the illusion of someone chuckling away like a proverbial Muttley which they are most likely not.

    Here endeth the rant!

  8. Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:23 am | Permalink

    My mum had the losing all the baby weight and then some thing. 14 weeks after my brother was born (her second) she was, as she puts it, 7 and a 1/2 stone wet through. She also (initially) lost weight when pregnant with my sister and they thought they had this young bride starving herself when pregnant to keep pretty for her husband so put her in hospital to monitor her eating. So every day she ate and ate and still lost weight so they realised she just had a metabolism that responded to pregnancy by going a bit haywire. She did eventually gain weight and my sister was born fine, in fact we all were (well there were complications but we are all okay!). It is a shame you feel you can’t talk about it though because well, why shouldn’t you?

    I also feel weird renting since we moved to Edinburgh. I think it is all the uprooting and change making me want to NEVER HAVE TO MOVE AGAIN even though based on what we would be able to afford to buy we almost certainly would move again…

    I have been trying to moan less online and instead count my blessings a wee bit more (I have many) as I know that I am actually someone who could have a perfect life and still find something to moan about so even though things really are not perfect right now I’m trying to get out of the habit and do stuff that actually makes me feel good instead (listening to music, reading, drinking tea) and letting myself have crying sessions fairly often to deal with the letting the sad out, but I know I still moan a fair bit. I am working on it though and I’ve never noticed any from you (even this post is not really moaning). x

  9. deltafoxtrotcharlie
    Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:24 am | Permalink

    Oooh, great post, v thought-provoking (am I allowed to use ‘v’??)

    I rent, have just moved house in fact from one rented to another and I have exactly the opposite feelings in that the new place already feels much more like home than the old. I like to think of it as the opportunity to try All The Houses so you can see what you really like. I *thought* the lovely townhouse we were in before was my thing but clearly, the cottage with beams and NO STRAIGHT THINGS ANYWHERE is more homely to me. Yes you’re paying someone else’s mortgage instead of your own but on the other hand, when shit breaks, someone comes and fixes it, even if it costs a squillion-ty pounds. Plus, if it means you get to save money for stuff you want to do then great!

    Thought – on A Practical Wedding they have a friday happy hour with a link roundup and an open thread comments. I love it and I haven’t found anything in the UK that’s similar (maybe I’m not looking hard enough!) but its a royal pain in the arse because of the time difference. How about something similar on here?

  10. Fee
    Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:30 am | Permalink

    I do know what you mean about online negativity. Have just realised that I think Caroline and I have created our own WSS in our text messages – maybe we all need a WSS partner who has to put up with it? Sorry Caroline, that appears to have become you!

    I think it’s important to be honest about your feelings whatever the forum and I think online can be a great place for support. But I have to admit I find daily downbeat status updates/tweets from one person wearing. Especially if they are just about day to day life or things they could do something about. I know that makes me sound intolerant but I’m really not. Basically I agree with KL (as ever, she’s a smarty pants).

    On the weight issue – I lost weight in the first and second trimester and was repeatedly told I was lucky. If lucky is being sick ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY so WHATEVER. Seriously though, my Mum had a similar situation after my youngest brother was born and still has to eat a lot to maintain a healthy weight. I think you look gorgeous but hopefully if you’re not happy things might stabilise a bit in future. Like Anna, I will selflessly donate some of my baby chunkiness to the cause. I’m all heart.

    And I DISLIKE the words preggo, preggers or anything similar. I also do not like hubby, hubs, hubster or anything in that vein.

    I have a lot of opinions today. I will go and have a biscuit and calm down.

    • Fee
      Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:35 am | Permalink

      Also, I hear you about renting. Especially in the ludicrously expensive South East. But the stamp duty bill we FORGOT ABOUT left me feeling vaguely violated when we bought. And I still don’t know what stamp duty is. It could be a contribution to David Cameron’s collection of Penny Blacks for all I know.

      • Katielase
        Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:42 am | Permalink

        Yes to all of this, but mostly to stamp duty. Boy did that HURT. I was grumpy for a week.

        Also cannot deal with the word hubby, or the boy or girl. And I have a massive issue with people describing jewellery as candy, especially lobe candy for earrings, makes me shudder. Candy is sugar, folks.

        KL xx

        • Linsey
          Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:56 am | Permalink

          I use hubby a lot, sorry ladies :)

          • Posted March 31, 2014 at 2:03 pm | Permalink

            Me too Linsey. 99% of the time I use it, it’s because it’s fewer characters than ‘husband’ and therefore fits in a tweet!

    • Caroline
      Posted March 31, 2014 at 10:53 am | Permalink

      Happy to be of service F. I like our WSS…it has got me through many a dark day!

      I just deleted a big comment I wrote because I realised it made me seem like an intolerant b*tch and that wasn’t what I was going for.
      I may be back later to comment when I can think of a way to NOT sound like I hate everyone.

  11. Linsey
    Posted March 31, 2014 at 9:56 am | Permalink

    I don’t really have a WSS but I don’t feel like the internet is my place to do that either. I don’t mind people who do but it’s not for me.
    I do have moans/rants to my friends from time to time but they are all much more the tough love ‘pull your socks up and get on with things’ types which I actually need when I’m feeling down and wallow-y (is that a word???). Or like my husband or mum, they try to come up with solutions or ways to look on the bright side, infuriating when sometimes all you want is someone to be on your side and not try to solve everything.
    But I think not having anything negative on the internet at all is what gives us these inferiority complexes about our life being crap compared to the people with lifestyle blogs that make it look like life is completely blissful and styled.

  12. Posted March 31, 2014 at 10:03 am | Permalink

    Hmmm. Good food for thought. I try to stay positive online and never write when I am very upset. I prefer to let the thoughts settle and then, if I still feel so and so, maybe I can find the way to articulate my feelings. Of course having a good cry, letting it out helps. In general i Mark is mostly my WSS. But, I do think sharing all our stories, particularly the difficult ones and being honest about them can only make the world a better place, by making us all more emphatic to what others are going through. Talking about unemployment / infertility really did make a difference, and though sometimes it felt like I was dwelling on it instead of counting my blessings, it helped me feel less isolated and the support I received and friends I made in the process is something invaluable.

    • Posted March 31, 2014 at 11:38 am | Permalink

      Yes, to all of this Amanda.

      I think there’s a difference between sharing stories and helping learn/supporting (like AOW admirably does!) and just…I don’t know how to put it, but sort of simply typing into space and having expectations about how important and interesting that thing you just typed is, and how people should or shouldn’t react.

      Often there isn’t room for an opinion or a debate or a feeling to ‘breathe’ on social media, and I think that’s where people start to make assumptions or misinterpret. But AOW is wonderful because it gives that space, and it’s the only website where the comments are a must-read, rather than something that makes you wince or click away very speedily!

  13. Posted March 31, 2014 at 11:36 am | Permalink

    Pmsl makes my skin crawl. The end.

    • Caroline
      Posted March 31, 2014 at 11:53 am | Permalink

      Not forgetting LMAO

      • Posted March 31, 2014 at 12:10 pm | Permalink

        What do they even mean?! I honestly (and proudly) haven’t a bobbins.

    • Posted March 31, 2014 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

      L-Sten I’m crying with laughter and trying not to wake the baby. Best comment ever

  14. Lucie
    Posted March 31, 2014 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    Really interesting post – the point that caught my eye most was about renting. Like you, we are so lucky to live where we do – we have the perfect location and a really lovely flat which is exactly the right size for us (at this point in our lives) and yet I really begrudge the fact that we don’t own our own place. Plus, although we’re lucky enough to be able to save for a deposit while still renting, it is going to take us a really long time (which is fine, we’re good at saving and being patient) – but I feel we are possibly in the minority being able to do this – I don’t know how people can afford to buy places! Not really sure there’s a solution but thought I would say I feel your frustration on this one!

    P.S. This opinion probably isn’t helped by the fact that we have been dealing with leaking exterior doors since we moved in (5 years ago!!)….yes, renting is good if you have a good landlord or agent, not so much if you don’t as you don’t really have a leg to stand on!

  15. Posted March 31, 2014 at 1:14 pm | Permalink

    I lost my WSS which is why twitter gets all my moans now. I’m good at supportive yet bullshit free listening if anyone wants to trade?

  16. Posted March 31, 2014 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    I think my WSS is mostly my husband – this is what commuting together will do to you! He is brilliant at listening, at finding solutions that work for our family and in just giving me a hug when that’s all that’s needed. Otherwise, I do often turn to twitter, because for me, it’s kind of an extension to AOW in that it’s full of you lovely ladies who have experience and are happy to share your thoughts if needed.

    Renting – I didn’t realise how much I would dislike it (it was fine as a student!) until we sold our house and rented temporarily. It was like losing control of a huge part of our lives, the landlord and the neighbours treated us like children “Oh, you’re Bob’s tenants” “Erm yes, but we’re also people in our own right…”. We had to get the landlord to fix things, and it had to be on his terms. When we bought our new house and moved out, the landlord was needlessly unpleasant to us and it made us even more glad to get out. Now we can do things on our own terms and can choose the best option for us.

  17. Posted March 31, 2014 at 2:05 pm | Permalink

    Right. What the hell does INSPO mean? Anyone?

    Would be totes amaze if you could tell me.

  18. Kat
    Posted March 31, 2014 at 2:36 pm | Permalink

    Gah, RENTING! This is such a timely post for me as I’ve been on a bit of a downer about it lately too! We live in a little two-bedroom flat (in a gorgeous but majorly pricey area, hence the non-owning..) and I love it so much I sometimes forget it isn’t ours. But then what do I mean by “ours”? We’ve lived in three different cities over the last eight years and this place truly feels like our first proper Home-with-a-capital-H. We’ve poured our heart and soul into decorating and furnishing it, we got married 6 months after moving in, I was carried over the threshold here, blah blah.. you get the picture of just how emo I am about it. (is ‘emo’ one of the heinous non-words? Sorry..)

    I think the fact that our landlord still insists that we undergo agency inspections every three months unsettles me a bit. It’s in the contract, and I understand that, of course, he’s entitled to do this, but I find it frustrating to have to allow a stranger to nose around – I mean, inspect – our bedroom/bathroom/everywhere else four times a year. To me, we might not own the bricks and mortar but we pay rent, which means that we are paying to make the property our home, and I sometimes wish people respected that instead of saying “oh, are you *still* renting?” as if it makes it any less of a proper home. Oof, sorry for the rant. But ooh it feels good to let it out! Great discussion as ever, ladies.

  19. Ro
    Posted March 31, 2014 at 2:55 pm | Permalink

    I’ve only just joined twitter (yes, very late to the party), partly because I need a whiny safe space that isn’t my husband and doesn’t lead to him trying to reconfigure our entire lives to solve my problems every time I grumble in his general direction. Partly also to connect with other people with babies (I live abroad and a long long way from anything resembling an NCT class).

    Apart from following a bunch of lovely AOW-folk, I haven’t really worked out how to get anything out of twitter yet – am likely to be gatecrashing some of your twitter conversations in the near future.

  20. Claire H
    Posted April 1, 2014 at 12:38 am | Permalink

    I love this title and the theme of this whole post, thanks Aisling. I’ve not said much on any social media or on AOW for months because I’ve been finding various things really hard that I feel I have no right to find hard and can’t really mention to friends because they’re not ‘real’ problems and on the surface I have nothing to moan about and I feel people will just come back at me with a ‘real’ and therefore more valid problem of their own and I will just feel like an attention seeking cow that doesn’t have a problem and is just moaning for the sake of it (if that makes sense?!) (this is all ridiculous, because even writing this, I’m now afraid someone is going to ask me what’s up and then when I try and explain, just come back with ‘oh whatever, that’s not a problem, this is…’ – and I do know that some of the things are just things I’ve built up in my head due to a lack of talking about them)

    Poor C has totally become my WSS but this does have limitations…he could only do so much to help with my recent freak out re wedding dress shopping/being a bit fat body loathing!!

    • Claire H
      Posted April 1, 2014 at 12:40 am | Permalink

      Oh my god, apologies for total abandonment of punctuation and probably all basic grammar rules for most of my first paragraph!

  21. Posted April 2, 2014 at 10:20 am | Permalink

    I’ve become immune to all sorts of text speak. Between having a mother who appears to think that vowels are surplus to requirement and 3 teenaged nieces I’ve undergone some kind of immersion therapy.

    My WSS is my sisters, again on WhatsApp (seriously, what did we do before this?!). Many a husband rant / scary hair pic / random bruise are shared between us. 3 husbands are still alive as a direct result of this, I’ve no doubt.

    As for post pregnancy weight loss… it always stuns me that people so freely comment on weigh loss when they wouldn’t dare utter a word about weight gain. Have you had your thyroid checked since having Stella? I only ask because I get mine checked annually and know that’s one of the symptoms. I’m at the opposite end of the scale, I still look 4 months pregnant over a year later and can’t seem to do anything to shift it. I haven’t had the motivation to TRY anything to get shift it I should say. Feel free to send me some of your metabolism if it’ll help…

    xx

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About

Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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image by Lucy Stendall Photography

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