Not a fairytale/Real is awesome

Katy’s post has bought back vivid memories for me – her description of walking up the aisle and feeling so present is, for me, spot on. No haze, no twinkly harp music in  my head, no blissful ignorance of the mild agony my feet were in…just a crystal clear sense of being THERE. Seeing people, seeing the creases in my dress, seeing the man at the end of the aisle and concentrating So Hard on putting one foot in front of the other.

Well said, Katy. All of this is ace. Especially that last picture. *Swoon*

(All of Katy and Dan’s stunning pictures were taken by the superb Albert Palmer)

For some reason, despite reading people’s helpful and personal experiences on this blog, this was one bit of the whole ‘wedding myth’ I bought in to. You’ve heard it, yes?

“It all passes in a flash”

“It’s a magical day”

“You’ll feel like you’re walking on air – your shoes won’t even hurt”

“It will be like you’re in the most wonderful dream”

“You will suddenly be a fairy princess who floats around on candyfloss and unicorns”

OK, not the last one, but that’s the general idea isn’t it? Your wedding is a magical day of love and fluffiness.

It is the single thing that surprised me the most about our wedding. Yes, I felt wonderful. I felt beautiful and immensely lucky to have such a beautiful day and husband and venue and friends and family. It was magical and perfect in many ways.

BUT, and this is an important but, I was still me. Dan was still himself. It felt (wait for it people, this is an important point) very very real.

And I was not prepared for it to all feel so realistic. To be in all of those moments thinking, “Crap, this is actually me walking down the aisle. I don’t get to do this again. This is IT. Drink it in, Katy, stop thinking about it, LIVE the moment”.

'Ahhhhh where should my feet go? Why didn’t anyone tell me how to hold flowers? Go slower, Katy, slower!! (Also I was holding up my father at this point…)'

We were not suddenly different ‘bride’ and ‘groom’ people, all I wanted to know was if he thought I was pretty, and how was his night with his boys and had he heard about how my parents broke the car trying to attach ribbons to it and did he like the cufflinks I bought him? My mind was crazy and normal and frantic.

Oh I felt happy. Happy and lucky (we really felt so lucky). But I felt like me. I still:

-          Had to change out of my heels (although I lasted an impressive 9 hours!).

-          Got confetti EVERYWHERE (it is still appearing around our flat).

-          Was hurt by my dress and the bones digging into me (can boning even hold up boobs like mine?  Anyway, I can not sell my dress on, they made sure of that by bending the bones of my dress permanently) and I had to be re-adjusted about half a dozen times by very patient bridesmaids and mum.

-          Got stuck in the wedding car (silly veil).

-          Said “oh, yeah, I made a bit of an effort” whenever people complimented me.

-          Cried. A lot.

'Confetti IN MY FACE'

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that it wasn’t magical. It wasn’t perfect. I didn’t feel fuzzy or like I was in a dream. I felt just like me. Me, getting married to Dan, with all our friends and family there.

I wouldn’t want it any other way, but it still took me by surprise. And, despite all those things listed above (along with the standard drunken guests and no shows), generally our day was pretty perfect. It all ran on time, and the weather cleared up. Oh, did I mention we were on time? (I’m very proud of my organisational skills on that one…) People were lovely, all our suppliers came through, everyone had a great time.

I think what I’m trying to say is not to get swept up, up and away. Try not to second guess how you’ll feel. Be yourself. Live it.

This isn’t coherent at all, I’m sorry. I think I’m still just overwhelmed at how happy it was, how lucky we were, and how real it was. Thank goodness for real life.

'We must have been ddoing something right to get this sky - real is awesome.'

Categories: Any Other Wedding, Wedding Reports
11 interesting thoughts on this


  1. Posted November 25, 2013 at 9:20 am | Permalink

    I remember standing in the ceremony and for the first five mins all i could think was “so this is my wedding, wow I’m getting married, this is my wedding! ” i still very much felt like me just a bit more giddy :) but looking back now and even looking back on honeymoon it feels like a hazy dream. All the suggestions are getting lost and i just remember the love and happiness. Which is lovely but i would like to remember the details as well! :) xox

  2. Posted November 25, 2013 at 10:00 am | Permalink

    Katy, YESSS! I think it’s brilliant that it all felt so real and you managed to feel in the moment. For some brides it’s all about getting to the next bit, whether that’s the ceremony, the actually being married bit, the saying hello to everyone, the drinks, the food, the speeches…and I think that’s how it all ends up going in a blur. I actually didn’t think our wedding went fast, but then we also made a conscious effort to keep stopping together and drinking it all in. Maybe you’ve nailed it and that’s the key?

    Also. The confetti photograph is a beaut!

    PS. I love your comment about boning and boobs. Looking forward to hearing about the strange search results on google analytics that will now follow.

  3. Fee
    Posted November 25, 2013 at 10:47 am | Permalink

    The boobs bit made me giggle – I feel your pain!

    On the day I very much felt present at my wedding but when I remember it, it is kind of a swirly haze of feelings and memories – think 80s movie montage.

    Slightly off topic but our wedding videographer and photographer somehow perfectly captured exactly that – the moments of clarity but also the swirly magical bits.

    That last picture is amazing xxx

  4. Posted November 25, 2013 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    I might have to spend the rest of the afternoon sneakily looking through your pictures again Katy! So beautiful! And I love, love, love your church (this from a usually non church fan).

    I made a concerted effort to ground myself on our day, I wanted it to feel as normal as possible. Six months on it is a bit like the montage Fee describes though (which is pretty awesome when you think about it!)

  5. Amanda M
    Posted November 25, 2013 at 4:35 pm | Permalink

    Ahhh, how lovely! And that last shot is just wonderful.

    It was only a year ago, but mine seems a bit like a dream now. I’m so glad we got a film so at least some of it seems real!

  6. Posted November 25, 2013 at 11:38 pm | Permalink

    Omg the boobs. I think maybe if you’re over a DD plastic boning just won’t cut it, despite my dress suppliers and alterations people saying otherwise…

    Thanks for your comments, glad I got what I meant across somehow :-)

  7. Becca
    Posted November 26, 2013 at 7:10 am | Permalink

    The boobs were a massive problem for me hence going for the dress I did. They caused a massive dress issue anyway (no I don’t want to order a size 22 and take it in….who would DO THAT?) and in the end, they were firmly secured with metal boning (apparently metal boning is common for everyone over an E cup) and I was bouncing all over the place. Sitting down was more of an issue though I.e. I couldn’t.

    I neither felt away with the fairies or too grounded or too OMG THIS IS IT. I don’t think I felt anything other than COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY GIDDY WITH JOY. Except when I got upset because everyone was leaving at 8pm and actually it was 2am (whoopsy)

    • Becca
      Posted November 26, 2013 at 7:10 am | Permalink

      Bouncing in a good way. Not bouncing in the dress. There was no movement AT ALL

  8. Katielase
    Posted November 26, 2013 at 8:30 pm | Permalink

    Only just had a chance to read this! My dress had one of my underwired bras built into it by a seamstress because there was just NO way that the boning in the dress could have held me up. It was awesome, I completely recommend this “sew a bra into the dress” strategy. So comfy!

    I love this post. Real is indeed awesome, so much better than a fairytale.

    KL x

    • Becca
      Posted November 26, 2013 at 11:12 pm | Permalink

      We also did that too. Annoyingly I couldn’t find a decent bra so ended up hacking my favourite (um slightly grey) M & S one to pieces WHICH THEY HAVE SINCE DISCONTINUED. Gasp drama.

      Wasn’t until took dress off in evening that husband saw greying bra inside dress and was like ‘really…..’. Was not expecting him to notice.

  9. Sophie
    Posted December 1, 2013 at 8:18 pm | Permalink

    This really made me smile and it reminded me so much of my wedding. It is very real. It was about the two of you. It is about everybody you love and who loves you. It is wonderful!

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Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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