On Miscarriage

I should warn you all right now – this piece contains graphic descriptions of a miscarriage. We’ve decided to post this though, because if it gives helpful information to just one person who is going through what Laura went through, or even to friends of people going through a miscarriage, then it has been worthwhile. 

Laura has been really honest, and I think brave, in writing down how the process was for her, and how she felt, and I think that more discussion on this can only be a good thing. So many women go through this all the time, and so many do it on their own with very little information or support, so I hope this helps people who have, feel less alone. 

On a Friday afternoon, at 10 weeks pregnant, I started bleeding. Spotting really, the amount was so small. But coupled with the dull cramps that had started the day before, it was enough. Enough to worry me, enough to set off the alarm bells and thoughts of ‘something’s not right’ in my head. I collected my 3 year old from nursery, I called the midwife who told me to go to hospital, and then I called my husband. The three of us set off in a taxi to A&E, an alternative (um, terrible) Friday night out. The nurse called my name, checked me. The doctor called me in, checked me. They took some blood and checked my urine; it was positive for a pregnancy. The pain and spotting might be cause for concern, so the gynaecologist in the Early Pregnancy Assesment Unit wanted to see me. She gave me an internal examination and said that my womb was slightly small, but big enough, and the cervix was closed (which was good). The only way to really tell what was happening was to have scan, but that couldn’t happen until Monday as they don’t do them over the weekend.

My husband went to work early the next morning and I spent the day lying on the sofa, trying not worry, stifling tears, letting my son watch far more tv than is recommended. It’s hard now, months later, with all that has happened in-between, to remember how I felt at that point. I was mostly numb. It was sort of like the calm before the storm we weren’t sure would happen. I didn’t call family or friends as I wasn’t sure what to tell them. There may be something wrong? Everything might be fine? In the background of the weekend was a massive countdown clock, ticking away ever so slowly, ever so loudly, to the Monday morning when we would know one way or another what was happening inside me.

On Monday we all got on a bus to the hospital. The waiting room for the women’s clinic was far too small, everyone’s fears and thoughts palpable. There were a few children bashing blocks and racing cars, smashing the silence and relieving the tension. After seeing a nurse who asked a few questions, we went into the scan room. The external ultrasound didn’t show anything, so it would have to be an internal scan instead. My husband and son left the room and I got undressed. I laid there, alone in the dark, quiet room waiting for the two doctors to tell me…something. They spoke in hushed voices amongst themselves. I wanted to scream at them to talk to me, reassure me, remind them I was there. Eventually, one of them turned and in a voice so quiet I could barely hear said ‘There is no heartbeat.’ There were other words, but they paled in comparison to these. Those were like shards of glass, everything shattering into a thousand pieces.

I walked out of the room and into the hallway and burst into tears. I tried to compose myself before walking back into the waiting room, into my husbands arms. We saw a nurse who explained a bit more. No – I wasn’t miscarrying, I may, I may not. Carry on as normal and next week we’ll look again. If the bleeding gets really bad, come back.

That was it. We went home.

We had lunch. I went to bed. I was was still pregnant, my body still thought it was carrying a living being. I took my pregnancy vitamins, didn’t drink caffeine. It all felt futile. We talked about what we should do: should we be hopeful? Should we prepare for the worst? Should we tell anyone? I got angry. I got angry that ‘they’ always tell you to not tell anyone about your pregnancy before 12 weeks, for this reason. Because of the chance of miscarriage. But how helpful was that now? Yes, I had the option of not having to explain to people, but I was also at a loss as to what might happen to me. I’d never spoken to a women who’d been in this situation, and yet statistically we are told repeatedly how common it is. In hindsight, I can’t believe I walked out of that hospital with no-one telling me what I should prepare for. About what would happen to my body if I were to have a miscarriage. I felt lost in a situation I knew nothing about. I’ve seen the word miscarriage a thousand times; read any baby book and you’re reminded repeatedly about what might happen in the first 12 weeks. I had a grasping of what physically might happen, but I didn’t know for sure. The mystery and deafening silence on the subject was in itself traumatic.

I googled things like ’10 week scan, no heartbeat’ and ‘what happens when you have a miscarriage’. I read mumsnet thread after mumsnet thread. I read enough to feel that hope was pointless. It was hard not to think about the little being inside of me with a heart that had stopped beating. The sadness was overwhelming, I was drowning in it. I felt scared of miscarrying; not of the pain, but because I might see the fetus. I didn’t want to say anything I was thinking out loud for fear of cementing it, of making it a real thing. There was no way to say or think or feel those thoughts without crying.

Life carried on. We read books with our son. My husband and I held each other a lot. We said I love you over and over again. They were the only words which felt enough, everything else superfluous. Through it all, our marriage is what kept me afloat. It was a constant reminder that no matter what happened, we would get through it. I was, and am, ridiculously grateful for the safe haven. For him. I got ready for work, to photograph a wedding that coming Friday even though the idea of working and being away from home was incomprehensible . My Mum came to stay. I burst in to tears a lot. One morning our 3 yo pulled my shirt up and said ‘Hello baby!’. I gently explained that we may have been wrong about there being a baby, there might not be after all. We’ll know soon. ‘I just have to shout louder to it!’ he said. No sweetheart, the hospital will look and tell us soon. ‘We’ll know in February!’ he said, remembering the due date. Small, heartbreaking moments like that will be scattered everywhere now, I thought.

On Thursday, at 11 weeks pregnant, my husband went back to work and I got ready to travel to London. I packed my things, I checked my train tickets. I realised that in the midst of all of that had happened, I’d gotten my train times confused and had missed my train. I broke down. Great heaving sobs, all the emotion and confusion and sadness of the last week just poured out. And then everything else did too. The blood flowed and flowed. I ran to the bathroom. The feeling of passing a large, liver sized clot, something I hadn’t expected, made me call out in shock. It wasn’t from physical pain (apart from cramps of contractions there was little pain, just sensation) but from the intense, emotional anguish. It felt like my body was being gutted and my heart was breaking at the same time. Everything exploding. I have never felt anything like it. My mum rushed to my side and held me. She called my husband, told him he needed to come home. We sat there together as my body emptied itself of tears and pregnancy. We sat there, my Mum holding me, her child, whilst I lost my baby.

That week I’d read other women’s stories of miscarriage, saying ‘thank goodness I was at home and my husband was there.’ I remember wondering how you could have someone with you as you went through that, something so physical and private and well, bloody. Now I know I was thinking about it all wrong. I thought that it would be like a really heavy period. It wasn’t. Now all I can think is how *could* you do this alone? My husband came home, he held me. There was so much blood. After a few hours, I passed out. We went to the hospital.

The next 24 hours were a blur of pain and doctors and needles and loss. I realised later, it was very much like what the next few weeks would be like. Lots of small, stinging insults to the injury of miscarriage. I had lost a lot of blood, but all they wanted to do was take more. A doctor examined me and used his hands to remove what he could that remained inside me. There was no dignity to miscarriage. There was still something stuck in my womb, so he told me I’d need to have tablets that would hopefully flush it out. This is called a medical miscarriage. If it didn’t work, then surgery. They pumped my body full of fluids and morphine. In the dark communal ward the doctor asked what we would like to do with any remains that were expelled whilst in the hospital; cremation, burial or taking them home to dispose of ourselves. Brutal. I signed paperwork. I said goodbye to my husband who could not stay in the women’s clinic overnight because they were full, the private rooms filled with couples like us. The next morning I was wheeled to the toilet, and when standing up something fell out of me. I wasn’t expecting it: the drugs in my system mixed with the shock from what had already happened meant it hit me fresh and I was confused for a second as to what was happening. I called for the nurse who scooped it up whilst I sat and cried. She later told me it was the placenta. We waited for hours to have a scan, to know if it was over yet. When we did, the relief and sadness at seeing an image of my empty womb was odd. That wasn’t what that picture should look like, and yet there we were. There it was. There was nothing left.

The immediate days after were black. It was like the colour had been drained from everything and the sadness was deep and painful. My body felt like it was war torn, my mind was grey and stormy and inside was just an aching. Gradually it lifted and the colour seeped back in, the dark moments more fleeting and occasional. Physically it took a week or so to feel ‘normal’ again, although I would recommend giving yourself time with nothing strenuous for a week or two. Emotionally it’s been up and down – the first few weeks were especially difficult. Flashbacks, feelings of sadness about all that has happened and all that won’t. But for me, two months on, it’s much easier and level. I can look at what happened with distance and actually feel proud of myself for getting through it, a little bit astonished at what the human body can take. A friend told me after her miscarriage someone had said ‘I’m sorry that such a shitty thing happened to you’, and I feel like it’s the perfect way to sum it up. If you ever need to comfort someone going through it, I suggest saying this whilst providing hugs (and possibly alcohol), and from experience do not ‘advise’, no matter how well meaning. Things get back to normal, happiness returns.

The day after I came home from hospital, I started writing this. I knew early on that it would be important for me to share it at some point, to talk about something that I hadn’t been able to find. In the week between starting to bleed and losing our baby, there was such a lack of information. Google searches threw up a few personal accounts of miscarriage and some practical tips (thank you mumsnet!) and more general discussions on the topic, but for want of a better word, there was nothing graphic. Nothing outlining what would actually happen. I get it, it’s a) not something that is easy to talk about, and b) maybe not something people want to hear. But I had needed it, so maybe someday, another woman will need it too. There is nothing clean or easy about miscarriage, but that’s life. It’s messy and brutal at times but the way through can be made a little easier by not feeling alone. If knowledge is power, then having some in a situation which renders you pretty powerless is priceless. For me it would be upsetting to pretend that this was something that hadn’t happened and only exacerbate the isolation that miscarriage can make you feel. I didn’t want to add to the overwhelming silence on the matter. I don’t want miscarriage to be a dirty word, said in hushed tones (which sometimes it can feel like). I wrote about it for myself yes, but also for the women I know and love, and all the women I don’t.  The quote, ‘someday this pain will be useful to you’ kept coming to me when I was writing this, and I hope that perhaps it can be useful to someone else, too.

Categories: Any Other Baby, Health
116 interesting thoughts on this

116 Comments

  1. Alex
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 7:20 am | Permalink

    Oh Laura, I’m so sorry you had to go through this. And glad you are starting to see light at the end of the tunnel again.
    Having had a slight scare at 12 weeks myself (everything OK now) , I know how little information there is out there, how frustrating it is to search the web in any possible way and find so little. Thank you for sharing, hopefully it will help other women.
    You describe very well the feeling of isolation until some kind of medical information/confirmation was made. Should I tell? What should I tell? Thank goodness for our partners and Moms (I couldn’t have done it without them).

    Big hug, A

  2. Anon
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 9:06 am | Permalink

    Miscarriage is something I’ve thought about a bit recently. Not from a personal point of view, more how to best ‘be’ with friends.
    One of my best friends in the world has found out she is pregnant but by literally only a few weeks. My other best friend miscarried last year at 11 weeks.
    I don’t know how best to support my friend in the early news of her new pregnancy with what my other friend, and far too many other women, went through in mind. I am trying to tread the best careful route through appropriate sharing of her happiness and tentative awareness of the long and uncertain road ahead. I don’t want to be that friend that isn’t saying the right thing but don’t know if I’m succeeding at all.

    Laura the above piece is brilliantly written and I am sure will help shed light for some on what is a very dark corner of experience. A shitty thing to happen. To anyone. You write it well. X

  3. Posted October 14, 2013 at 9:19 am | Permalink

    Oh my goodness, I was not ready to read this on a Monday morning but I’m so glad I did, and I’m so glad you decided to write.

    I cannot even start to empathise how this must feel but I now understand, and it’s stories like this that make me grateful for all the support I have in my friends and family.

    Last night y husband asked if I’d (if ever pregnant) keep silent until 12 weeks, and I said no, I’d need to share with my parents and close friends because I’d need the support whatever happened, and this reinforces that further for me now.

    L xx

  4. Alison
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 9:22 am | Permalink

    I have nothing to add except well done for writing this. Such powerful writing.
    I’ve never experienced miscarriage but know people who have. I google everything to do with parenting and hopefully now, what you’ve written will help another woman going through an awful time. I’m so pleased colour and happiness has returned to your life after such a shitty thing happened to you and your family and wish you all the best for the future.

  5. Anon
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 9:45 am | Permalink

    Laura, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I hope that time acts as a healer.

    I just wanted to share a bit of my experience. I have unfortunately miscarried more than once & my experience was very different, I was supported very well by the hospital during and after on each occasion and felt very informed. My only real complaint is that there is no service available on evenings & weekends when the early pregnancy unit is closed. Being left in the sometimes dubious hands of A&E in that situation isn’t acceptable.

    My intention isn’t to take away from your experience, just to highlight the disparity in care levels available & reassure anyone who might be going through this at the moment. More than anything, I think your story shows how much work there is to be done on supporting couples through what can be such an awful time.

    Thank you for so bravely sharing your story x

  6. Posted October 14, 2013 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I am the kind of person who needs to know as much as possible about a situation, and your writing has educated me and made me reflect a lot.
    I have thought about whether I’d tell people if I was pregnant, after it came up in conversation a couple of weeks ago when murmers were surrounding a friend who may or may not be expecting. It makes me so sad to think that it may happen to one of my friends and I wouldn’t necessarily know about it to be able to support them. So thank you for writing this in case I ever do need to support them – and thank you for being honest enough to write things down in case I ever need to know it for myself.
    Sending lots of love to your family x

  7. Posted October 14, 2013 at 11:46 am | Permalink

    You’re so right that sometimes the internet is useless. I spent many an hour in floods of tears trying to find information about stopping breast feeding and it just wasn’t there. Thank you.

  8. Posted October 14, 2013 at 11:49 am | Permalink

    Oh Laura, firstly I want to send you lots of love and hugs. Miscarriage is such a difficult and often lonely thing to go through. I have had two plus an ectopic pregnancy. I am incredibly lucky to have four beautiful children but our journey to this point hasn’t been easy.
    And secondly, to thank you for taking the time to write this and for having the strength to share it. I had friends I could talk to but it can be so lonely and this is such a valuable piece for anyone going through the same thing to read. Or, indeed, anyone who knows someone going through a miscarriage.
    xxx

  9. Posted October 14, 2013 at 12:59 pm | Permalink

    You’re amazing Laura. To go through something so gruelling and then to be able to write about it so well. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I just know that it’s going to help a LOT of people.

  10. Posted October 14, 2013 at 1:11 pm | Permalink

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby, Laura. I’m also grateful for your sharing what happened to you, both the emotions and the physical processes. I know that many of the people who visit our website will find it helpful and hope you don’t mind if I share the link.

    Ruth
    The Miscarriage Association

  11. Posted October 14, 2013 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

    Laura thank you for writing this. Commenting on this post is very difficult for me, even as I write this I can’t form the words I want to say. I went through a similar experience and was completely under prepared for what the physical miscarriage would be like, it was horrendous and I wasn’t in my house when it happened. I don’t understand why the nurses don’t explain the reality of a natural miscarriage so that women trying to deal with what’s happening can be more prepared. I haven’t been brave enough to write about what happened to me, so I want to thank you for being able to and undoubtably helping others. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and love, Roz xx

    • Laura
      Posted October 14, 2013 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

      Roz, I am so sorry you had to go through this, especially when not at home. I thinks that’s a really important thing to mention here – as there is little advice given to women in this situation (when you are waiting for scans or a natural miscarriage) then stay home! No-one ever told me this and in hindsight it is probably one of the most important things to know. I think you’ve been brave enough by going through the experience in the first place, and I’m so grateful for your comment. It makes me feel like sharing has been worthwhile. So much love and hugs! Laura x

  12. Jude
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 1:58 pm | Permalink

    Hi Laura – I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. I miscarried earlier this year too, at 7 weeks; I wrote about it too. It really helped me to write and share my experience, and I know now that it helps other women so much to read what other women go through. I do wish medical practitioners would tell people more about what to prepare for, and what to expect. For now, be proud of yourself for doing something incredibly strong – sharing your experience to help you move on, and for the benefit of others. Much love. x

  13. Posted October 14, 2013 at 2:00 pm | Permalink

    I am so sorry for your loss ,you are one remarkable lady and I am sure the words you have written will help many couples get through what is a most traumatic time .sending you a big hug.
    wendy x x

  14. Allison
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    So sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. We found out on our 12 week scan baby had no heartbeat. It’s my 2nd miscarriage. Reading this,made me cry as I understand the heartfelt pain, feeling of emptyness. It’s wonderfully written from the heart. Mine has now been 5 weeks and yes we are taking each day as it comes. Much love to you xxx

    • shirley
      Posted December 27, 2013 at 10:58 am | Permalink

      Allison, My step daughter is in exactly the situation you are : 2nd mis 2 weeks ago, found out at scan. Seller had backed out of house sale on day of exchange 2 days before. I have no experience of miscarriage amongst my family or friends so have found Laura’s description helpful but so sad, tears are streaming down my face and I am sobbing. This baby was so wanted by the whole extended family. I think she will keep quiet about any subsequent pregnancy but she shouldnt, she needs to share the joy and the pain if that unfortunately happens. Incidentally, her own mother died when she was 12.

  15. Posted October 14, 2013 at 2:26 pm | Permalink

    Hugs to you Laura. And to Roz too. And anyone else who needs them.

    I’m the kind of person who wants to be supportive but never knows what to say and ends up saying something along the lines of “that’s really shit but I’m here for you” so I’m glad that’s not as useless a thing to hear as I had thought.

    And I think it’s great to see more and more people talking about these kind of things – it is absolutely bound to help other people and that’s wonderful!

  16. Posted October 14, 2013 at 2:27 pm | Permalink

    I am so sorry for your loss. I just want to thank you for sharing this. There is such a taboo among miscarriage / infertility , when in reality, at least for the first one, it is relatively common, which does not make it any less awful. Only sharing our stories can we make it all less isolating, and we can learn how to support each other better.
    I hope you are doing well now.

  17. Jo
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 2:35 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for writing this. I went through a miscarriage just over a month ago and am still recovering emotionally, even if ok physically: it was a missed miscarriage, which means “it” (how can I cover the hope, joy, fear and love “it” meant to us?) died at 6 weeks whilst I blindly continued being “pregnant” and thinking I was 11 weeks on… looking forward to the 12 week scan… letting more close family and friends into the joyous secret I though I had inside.

    However, I had a tiny amount of spotting, which led to a visit to EPU, a scan which showed no heartbeat. We cried and then had to wait a whole week more for another scan to confirm it was lost, when two drs and nurses said there was no chance. It was the hardest week I can think of.
    I opted for the operation (ERPC) and the hospital handled it as well as they could. A week off work to recover physically. Not yet recovered emotionally. I still feel so numb inside, especially when my first period after the operation appeared – the final sign it was all over. The due date still etched in my mind and our little seed, gone but never to be forgotten.

    I am so glad we had the support of family and friends, so telling them early is something I would do again, just in-case. If one thing has come of all this, it is the knowledge that it is all to common and so many women have been through a miscarriage. I am utterly terrified of trying again and yet I know I have to be strong to try for what we want in our lives.

    Thank you for writing about it and being so brave. x

  18. Posted October 14, 2013 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

    It was so sad reading this and took me back to my own experiences.

    I am so glad you had the support and comfort of loved ones, and I`ll add you to my thoughts on the 15th Oct for baby loss the wave of light, x

  19. Anon
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

    My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage after two years of trying. In fact, I conceived after our first fertility treatment then lost the baby in the first trimester.

    No one at my fertility clinic told me what to expect. It made me so angry. The cramps I got made me incredibly nauseous and I wasn’t warned about clots either, although I expected them as it just made sense for them to be there. I had a hysteroscopy to see what was left in there; the doctor declared she needed to clear it and did this by injecting some water into my uterus. It was painful and unexpected.

    It’s horrible and breaks your heart at the time. I just clung to my husband and cried over the first weekend and we had to tell a few friends because we had to cancel plans. I was lucky and conceived a few months later when I was allowed to have my next round of fertility treatment. This, for me, caused anxiety of course but, has healed the pain massively. Now there’s a little one of 18 weeks inside…long may he stay there, happy and healthy.

    Your advice is all that can be said. You just need to plod on through the pain and count the blessings you do have-but anyone else telling you this is not likely to be welcome! It’s crap but I hope very much that you get a chance at another pregnancy very soon.

  20. Laura
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

    I just want to say thank you to everyone who has read, commented and to the AOW team for letting me share this here. I’m not going to lie – it was scary as hell sharing something so personal! But I’m glad some have found it useful and I’m so appreciative to others who have shared their stories and well wishes in the comments. Grateful for the community of wonderful and supportive women X

    • Ruby
      Posted May 21, 2015 at 8:21 am | Permalink

      Hi Laura,

      Thank you so much for bravely sharing this! I am experiencing the miscarriage at the moment and struggling to decide which option to take coz I still cannot believe that it is happening to me!!! As you said. I heard about miscarriage millions of times but never linked this to myself and now when it is telly napping I start to realise how little knowledge that I have.

      I was very confident even when I did the scan two days ago. I was somehow convinced that it must be one of the many symptoms that my baby is upsetting my womb while she or he is developing himself or herself. I cannot forget the moment when doctor told me I am sorry but I am afraid it is not a good news today. There is no heart beat ………my whole body was drained completely and I was stunned with hugh amount of unbearable shock. I burst into tears few mins later and kept asking her what have I done so wrong? … …. 4 days on, but It is still so hard to handle the truth, sadness is overwhelming.

      I read the leaflets that hospital provided me in terms of three options that I can choose to remove my baby! I am still struggling to choose between natural and surgical way. 4days after the scan confirmation of miscarriage but I don’t experience heavy bleeding or pain at all. It is very very light! I so wanted to know what to expect if I choose to go for the natural way and your information above was extremely helpful! Thank you again.
      Wish you well and all the best!
      XXX
      Ruby

  21. Lucy Ransley
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for writing and sharing this. I had a miscarriage in May – May 22nd. I had been at the hospital just days before and they had said everything was fine – strong heart beat. They sent me home. Like you I googled and researched trying to find out what was happening. But there is no information about what to expect. I had chronic Diaoreah and a really bad back ache. So when i said my tummy hurt as well my husband was really confused and said it must have just been something I ate. I was in agony for ages because we didnt realise I was miscarrying. When I finally got to the hospital the doctors confirmed that having an upset tummy and a back ache is a sign of labour – regardless of whether or not that labour is 6 months too early. I wish there was more information given to women when they are sent home to just ‘relax and wait it out’. I still cry about my baby everyday. For me the pain is still very strong I have just learnt to include it in my daily life. xxx Rest in Peace Callia – I will always love you. xxx

  22. Luisa Josiah
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

    Thankyou for sharing. I have just suffered my second miscarriage. This time at 10 weeks. Your words have been extremely helpful to me. The whole experience is so awful and I have found that friends and family around me just do not know what to say. When you lose a loved one everyone is very supportive however when you have a miscarriage there is just silence. Nobody knows what to say. It appears to be such a taboo subject. I have found this to be such a lonely experience. I think sharing these stories are vital in order to raise awareness and to help others going through this traumatic experience.

  23. Helen Crewdson
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 5:11 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for this. Your account made me cry but was comforting to know that I have not been alone with what I have gone through. More people / women need to know the truth as there is NO information out there and its such a taboo subject. Thank you for sharing and your bravery <3 I lost my baby on the 20th September and wish that your account had been available to me then. Thank you again; sending much love and hugs to you xx

  24. Claire
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 5:16 pm | Permalink

    I remember all those feelings and events were similar to mine. I had three miscarriages in two years, it was the worst experience of my life. Thank you for writing such an honest account xxx

  25. Suzannah Roper
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 5:41 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for that. He made me and my husbtand cry for the first time in ages but it did us both good. Thank you. Xx

  26. Sarah
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 6:17 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry that you had to go through this. Your experience reminded me of mine, I only wish I had been able to find something to read like this before it happened as it may have prepared me better. If you can in fact be prepared to go through such a heartbreaking experience xx

  27. Posted October 14, 2013 at 7:35 pm | Permalink

    Oh this hit home. I miscarried at 8 weeks after a scan showed a weak heartbeat. The 10 days of waiting were the worst of my life. I chickened out of the medical options and chose to have surgery straight away. I had it under sedation and felt the whole thing. It was so traumatic and there was just so much blood- I never expected that. Finding any information on the actual process was near impossible, so thank you so much for writing this.

    I was like you, and had to talk about it. When I got pregnant again I was actually empowered to talk about it earlier- we had lived through the worst and had leaned heavily on family and friends, if we needed to again we could. Such powerful words. Thank you!

  28. Posted October 14, 2013 at 8:08 pm | Permalink

    I’m doing that thing where my fingers are hovering over the keys wanting to write but I’m not sure what to say. I’m sorry this happened to you and your family.
    I have friends who have gone through very similar experiences and yet it is all so secretive. It amazes me given once you are pregnant or have a baby everyone wants to weigh in and share their ‘expertise’ and experience.
    xx

  29. Lexie
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 8:54 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for sharing this. X

  30. Merida / Hobo Mummy
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 9:05 pm | Permalink

    This is a superb piece of writing, one that made my heart skip a beat. I miscarried 7 weeks before my wedding, I was 8 weeks gone and although I was put under for the procedure (another story….) the feelings that I felt going down to theatre literally makes me shiver now, over a year ago. And the feeling of emptiness when I woke up, and even though I am so so so so blessed with my 2 children a piece of my heart went with my baby that day. It was just so cruel, I felt utterly cheated, and then I felt so guilty as I already had 2 healthy happy children. Who was I to wallow?

    Claire & Roz, I’m so sorry this shitty thing has happened to you xx

  31. Merida / Hobo Mummy
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 9:06 pm | Permalink

    Arrrghhhh!!! Laura & Roz, not Clare & Roz…..apologies!

  32. Keisha
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 9:12 pm | Permalink

    Very well written. I recently miscarried, and like you I did all my research and found nothing. The nurses didn’t tell me what to expect, what to look for, nothing. I’m so sorry for what you had to go through, but I am glad that you chose to write about it to help women, like me, get through this kind of situation. I did not tell anyone but my husband, our boys, and few selected good friends. I regret so much not telling more, as I needed more support than I had ever had.

  33. Katielase
    Posted October 14, 2013 at 10:09 pm | Permalink

    This was important, honest, powerful and affecting writing. Thank you.

    KL x

  34. Posted October 15, 2013 at 7:37 am | Permalink

    I couldn’t think of anything worthwhile saying that hasn’t already been said, but I can’t just read without making any sort of comment. It is such a powerful thing to share something like you just have.

    Thank you, and I really am so sorry that you had to go through such a ….. I have no words

    All my love x x

  35. Sam
    Posted October 15, 2013 at 6:30 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for posting this account, I had a similar frustration myself around info online about miscarriages and all the different types there are. I had the ‘surgical’ management of a miscarriage yesterday so I know a little of how you felt.
    Glad to hear you are now coming out the other side x

  36. Sophie
    Posted October 15, 2013 at 9:52 pm | Permalink

    Your post was amazing and made me cry so much as i have been there at the 10wk scan. Thank you for being strong enough to share all the yucky details that no one wants to talk about. Your friend is right, its shitty but knowing you’re not alone is so hugely massively important. Big hugs x

  37. Joanna
    Posted October 16, 2013 at 10:14 am | Permalink

    Absolutely heartbreaking. I’m so sorry x

  38. Posted October 17, 2013 at 12:54 am | Permalink

    I, too, am so grateful that you’ve written this. I haven’t been through it myself – we’re still struggling to get embryos inside me – but I feel exactly the same way about talking about these things and have written about that myself after reading a post regarding miscarriage where the writer talked about how lonely she felt in her secret misery. I just wish it was easier for us all to be able to talk about things like this as it is a scary thing to be open about when it is a subject generally kept quiet despite being quite apparently so common. I also agree wholeheartedly about the advice on what to say to people going through shitty times (another post I wrote after getting frustrated with some well-meaning comments and advice – links below if you’re interested).

    I’m so sorry you had to go through this at all but also with such little in the way of information and support from the medical side of things. Sending hugs, Bex xx

    http://olivedragonfly.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/why-is-it-taboo.html

    http://olivedragonfly.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/what-do-you-say.html

  39. Amanda M
    Posted October 17, 2013 at 2:24 pm | Permalink

    I’m very late to this but I’ve just had a little weep at my desk. I really could feel your pain – a bit, I’m not underestimating how awful it must have been for you experiencing that. And one of my good friends has now miscarried twice and my heart aches for her.

  40. Lisa
    Posted October 18, 2013 at 5:16 pm | Permalink

    This has been one of the sad but useful pieces I have read in the last 5 weeks. It echoes so many emotions of my experience and you have made me feel less alone. At 9 weeks pregnant I had an earlt scan due to a small amount of spotting to find the pregnancy had not developed past 5 weeks. A week waiting, blood tests, a sudden emergency admission for feared ectopic, more waitinf, start of natural miscarriage, doctors saying it was probably over then more bleeding to find it was hardly started. So nearly 3 weeks after the start of the process an emergency surgical evacuation. In the time of it all I was so busy coping with the process of 9 hospital visits in 3 weeks, and trying to understandwhat was going on (Google is indeed a dangerous place) I dont think I really started to deal with the emotions of losing our first baby. 2 weeks on from my op I have just got a negative test. I still cry most days. But being busy at work helps. For all ladies who have been through anything like this, I send love to you. These weeks have been some of the worst of my life. But hopefully each day will become easier.

  41. Posted October 25, 2013 at 10:29 pm | Permalink

    Thankyou for writing this Claire, i am 11 weeks pregnant and started slightly bleeding yesterday, went to hospital today for a scan and was told no heartbreat, im totally devastated, so now im waiting for nature to take its course, and im scared of it happening. Your story has helped me to understand what im facing over the next coming weeks.

    • vicky
      Posted January 7, 2014 at 12:23 am | Permalink

      marie and everyone else who has had to deal with this physical,mental and emotional pain I am right here with you. I found out on friday at my 1st scan that my pregnancy had ended and I have an empty sac which continues to grow! I feel cheated and totally messed up in the head with so many questions! I am now 12weeks and have no signs of miscarrying naturally so I am going in tmrw for surgical removal as I am not strong enough to wait to go through the torture and agony. I need to stop feeling pregnant-this is the sickening part! still testing positive a d high hormone levels. wish me luck as I know it will be a hard day tmrw and a long painful emotional journey but hopefully soon our day will come. we mustn’t give up hkpe and must respect our bodies have done the right thing and saved us from further heartache. don’t be alone xxx

      • Kelly
        Posted March 10, 2016 at 2:57 pm | Permalink

        Hi I’m 6weeks only empty sac no plastenta just sac is 2cm in size so scared of surgery please help would tablets be better for me have phobia of needles and blood thank you

  42. Vicky
    Posted October 29, 2013 at 1:30 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for sharing this difficult story. I found out today I’ve had a missed miscarriage and still in shock but having a personal story available has made me feel as if I’m not alone.

    • Aisling
      Posted October 29, 2013 at 6:01 pm | Permalink

      Oh Vicky. I am so, so sorry that you’re going through this. You are not alone, that I promise you. You’ll still be processing what’s happened and what’s to come, I know, but if we can help at all please don’t hesitate to email – aisling@anyotherwoman.com

      Be kind to yourself, grieve for your baby, rest plenty and take care.

      With so much love

      xx

  43. Michelle
    Posted October 29, 2013 at 7:02 pm | Permalink

    I have just read your very moving and touching experience Clare and I just want to say thank you for being very open. It will prepare me for what is to come as I have today been told that the embryo has stopped developing at 7 weeks and all I can do now is wait for the inevitable as I have opted for the miscarriage to occur naturally. I feel very empty, confused and alone and my partner is not being very supportive, but I will remain strong and get through this. All the posts above have given me hope and encouragement, thank you xx

    • Aisling
      Posted October 29, 2013 at 7:44 pm | Permalink

      Michelle, I’m so very sorry that you’re going through this terrible experience – as I said to Vicky above, please don’t hesitate to get in touch if you want to talk, you are not alone. (aisling@anyotherwoman.com)

      Look after yourself,

      With so much love xxx

  44. susan
    Posted October 30, 2013 at 1:46 pm | Permalink

    thank ou for sharing your story I too am depperately googling anything to give me some information, we found out yesterday at 10 weeks that I will likely miscarry in the next week and have a scan rebooked for 10 days to ensure everything is gone, I am so lost and confused

  45. Emma
    Posted November 3, 2013 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    Thank you so much for telling your story. I have also been searching the internet for any answers or information. I began spotting last Tuesday and it has become heavier over the week with small clots. I have had a scan which found a sac but no baby yet. The EPU told me it may be too early to see a baby or I am due to miscarry. I now need to wait until next Tuesday for a scan to see. I’m terrified of what might happen before then! Your story has prepared me for the worst. I am especially worried as I am returning to work tomorrow after a week off to move house. Not sure how much more I can take yet know there is bound to be many more events I will have to get through. Without my parents and husband I’d be lost right now. Some close friends know but they do not seem to understand. All I can do is hope and prepare myself. I’m so sorry for those that have experienced a miscarriage.

  46. pauleen
    Posted November 9, 2013 at 10:29 pm | Permalink

    Hi laura my heart is breaking after reading your story, i am almost 7 wks pregnant and spotting started 3 days ago, i was referred 2 the early pregnancy clinic and was told that my pregnancy was showing a wk smaller than what it should b according 2 my dates, i was also told that the pregnancy sac was an abnormal shape and there was no heartbeat visible yet. I have been told i am high risk of a miscarriage an was sent home 2 wait it out and have 2 go back 4 another scan in 10 days, i am devastated i have cried so many tears that i dont even look like myself 2day. The spotting continues not much thou but a little more frequent and my body is aching so much, i am so scared i dont want 2 lose my baby but i have 2 prepare myself as well. I am afraid that every time i go 2 the toilet its jus all going 2 come away. I was not told wat 2 expect but i’d rather know straight up so i want 2 thank you 4 sharing your story.

  47. Sarah
    Posted November 10, 2013 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

    I am sitting here reading this whilst my daughter is in theatre after 48 hours on gas and air waiting for miscarriage to start with medication, She found out this week a week after seeing a strong heartbeat that for the second time this year her baby had died at 8 weeks.

    The devastation of not being able to make it all better which is what mum.so want to do for their children is awful. Certainly I can now see little point in keeping quiet for those first few weeks because you actually need support if as again this happens.

    So worried was she of a repeat that she paid for weekly private scans for piece of mind, all it served to do was allow her to know sooner the truth without having several weeks thinking she was pregnant and not being.

    This piece though tells it as it is I for one did not understand just how awful misscarriage is from a physical point of view never mind emotional.

    The only light is that we have a beautiful 23 month old Grandaughter who will help her mummy again get through this, but some are not so lucky. My daughter knows she can have children it’s just a matter of time when this will be again.

  48. Caroline
    Posted November 19, 2013 at 1:19 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry that you’ve had to go through this. I had an ultrasound a week ago to find out that my baby had a slightly slow heartbeat and was 5 days behind. After another ultrasound today we found out that there’s no heartbeat and I am booked into hospital on Thursday for confirmation scan before surgical management in the next few days. We are devastated but not surprised. I haven’t been feeling at all positive since the first scan and, in a way, that has helped to ease the blow. It’s been a long road for us, 3 years of trying, 3 rounds of ivf and a miscarriage earlier this year at 5.5 weeks after the second round. So near this time but not to be. I’m not sure I can put myself through this again but it helps to know that there are other people who understand and I wish you all the very best.

  49. Kelly
    Posted December 5, 2013 at 11:19 pm | Permalink

    Hi… reading the 1st bit of your story felt like you were telling my story…
    I found out i was pregnant on 21st October… I was 6weeks pregnant (unplanned but happy) I started bleeding 2weeks ago, it took a week of hassling midwives to send me to EPAU for internal scan as I wasnt bleeding heavy enough for it to be a worry. I went in last wednesday to be told theres no heart beat and to go back next weds (yesterday) for another scan as I could have had my dates wrong and not be as far gone as I thought (10weeks 6days) I went home having been told nothing of what I could expect should a miscarry happen. I had friends asking how I was and apologising sympathetically.. only I wasnt sure how I felt as It wasnt confirmed Id miscarried… I tried so hard to prepare for the worst but the fact was a small part of me hung on to the hope my precious baby was going to be ok. I spent the next few days searching the internet in hope it would give me an inkling of what to expect… there was a little but not alot. Saturday, I had started blood clotting so I phoned medicom and midwife called back and said “sounds like a miscarriage, wait and see what happens” I felt a little angry and felt like there was no compassion, I phoned back and insisted I get seen so I went up the hospital, a doctor checked me over and said my womb was still closed… that gave me abit more hope that maybe my baby will be ok and i had my dates wrong. I went for my appointment yesterday for another internal scan and it was then confirmed my baby had stopped growing at 6weeks and there was still no heart beat. he turned the monitor to show me the “baby”
    I was then given the 3options… I decided to go for surgical management as I didnt want to pass it naturally I felt that would be too distressing for me. nurse booked me in for friday (tomorrow) but when I got home yesterday I went to the toilet and there was a huge explosive of blood, i was sat on toilet too scared to get off because I was bleeding so heavily. I passed alot of blood and clots over 5hours. spoke to nurse and we agreed I would be better to cope at home and to go in next day (today) for scan to make sure Id passed it all.
    I had my scan and there is still left overs but iv agreed to let it come naturally and booked another scan for next week to make sure iv passed it all. the doc had showed me the monitor again to show me i had passed the “sac” It was then it hit me… Im no longer pregnant, im completely distraught, im in so much pain especially at the bottom of my tummy and top of my legs. Im still very scared but reading your story has made me feel a little better so thank you, im so glad you shared this.

  50. Claire
    Posted December 8, 2013 at 3:30 pm | Permalink

    So sorry for your loss but thank you so much for sharing your story. I left my 12 week scan on Friday with the news my baby had died at 9 weeks. I’m terrified of what is going to happen and how long it’s going to take. Every emotion imaginable. I was given a leaflet but nothing that honest. We gave an appointment Monday to discuss options I’m so confused. It’s good to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m glad you have found happiness again. Thanks again. Claire x

  51. Tammy
    Posted December 16, 2013 at 12:36 pm | Permalink

    I have just come back from an early pregnancy scan and took comfort in reading this knowing i am not alone i was told i am miscarrying although i am not bleeding there is a sac a yolk sac and a baby just no heartbeat. I do wish there was some hope but I know I am just fooling myself I am glad there are people brave enoughto speak out about miscarriage and I hope one day I will have that strength too.

  52. Sarah
    Posted January 7, 2014 at 2:14 pm | Permalink

    Hi Laura,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story and for writing it so well. I would like to pass on my deepest condolences for your loss. I have been unfortunate enough to experience 3 miscarriages and your story is very similar to the experience I went through with the first two miscarriages. This is such a sad topic to talk about and come to terms with but I found it refreshing to read such an honest account. There are so many stories out that that leave you feeling terrified and unclear about what will happen next but your story is different. You are right that in time the pain becomes less and you are able to move on and be happy again. Your strength is inspiring and I’m sure will help other women going through a miscarriage. I wish you all the very best for the future and once again, thank you for sharing your story.

  53. Kelly
    Posted January 9, 2014 at 10:44 pm | Permalink

    Laura, thank you for your honesty and thorough account.
    Today I learned there was no heart beat during an early pregnancy scan.
    I was at the hospital 10 days ago for a scan after bleeding over Christmas.
    I was told it wasn’t good news and taken to a private room with my hubby to digest the news.
    This private room was behind a curtain so I was able to hear the next `successful` couples being told all was well. One couple were even told they were having twins.
    Eventually we were moved to a proper private room where nurses began to take my blood pressure and do checks. I couldn’t understand – as far as I was aware there was no hope.
    Eventually a doctor spoke to us to tell us there was one of two things going on. 1. I was going through the start of a miscarriage or 2. I was not as far along as previously thought (8 weeks).
    I was told there was nothing they could do and I should come back for another scan today. (10 days later)
    The last 10 days were hopeful I have felt more pregnant than ever. Tired, nauseous, aching breasts…
    So I didn’t expect today to be told that my baby was the size of a 5 week foetus with no heart beat.
    They were actually very helpful and caring today but like you, my main worry is the thought of seeing the miscarriage. I’ve even made the mistake of searching google images and have upset myself more.
    Your account, while traumatic and scary has helped me to know what to expect. I’m terrified and trying to decide which management is best – natural or medical. I just don’t know if I can be the one to take the tablets… even if it is not alive, I don’t know if I want to physically choose, but wAiting for up to 3 more weeks still feeling pregnant, scared of when it might happen is also a shitty option.
    Thank you again for your account. I hope you have managed to find peace x

  54. Posted January 12, 2014 at 8:01 am | Permalink

    Thank you. For your honest account. We have just lost our baby at nearly 12 weeks and we are getting married in 8 days. Such a sad and happy time. I hope I stop bleeding by then. I feel our baby is going down the toilet and it feels wicked to be happy whilst this is happening. We have our beautiful 10 month old son to keep us going and his smile is more healing at the moment than anything else. I wish everyone who has been through the same, peace and much love. What else can we do? We feel so empty and cheated.

  55. Patricia
    Posted January 13, 2014 at 2:22 am | Permalink

    I too have be searching for anything to help me. I was to be 7-8 weeks but been bleeding since Tuesday. I thought everything was over that the baby was gone as I was in a lot of pain and more but Friday I went in to my doctor. It was so hard they treated me like everything is ok because of a positive pregnancy test. During the exam they seen a smaller then should be sack…my baby. They told me I could’ve lost the pregnancy she basically dosnt know. I had to do test and again more tomorrow wednesday is my appointment. Its horrible to be in this unknown period and to think the worst is not over. My husband has hope but I sadly dont. I wish this wasn’t happening and that this wasn’t “taboo” to talk about. People including doctors should be more understanding/kinder. There should be more support one shouldn’t have to search and search. Hopefully ill have peace soon in least in some sense

  56. Anon
    Posted March 7, 2014 at 2:46 am | Permalink

    Laura thank you so much for sharing. It’s the middle of the night, I found out a few days ago at my 12 week scan that there was no heartbeat. I had an internal scan today and was trying to get booked in for a d&c but the NHS couldn’t fit me in till weds (it’s now Friday and I found out on Tuesday, all just too long). I too have been looking for people’s experiences. I am currently miscarrying and with every cramp and clot I wonder if that is it and I can go back to bed or if it’s about to get much worse and I need to wake my husband :-( . What a lonely experience. Anyway from your story I guess I have some way to go yet. I hope it’s over soon x

  57. Chloe
    Posted March 16, 2014 at 12:08 pm | Permalink

    I suffered my second miscarriage two weeks ago. I am so bitter and angry. I feel like I am imploding. I want everyone to know what I have been through and nobody does unless they themselves have been through it. I feel selfish for coming back to these feelings. I am numb and shocked and mad that I live so far away from my friends. I rely on a shitty sympathetic text message from my friends as my comfort. My husband is my support but I rely too much on him and even though he was distraught too, I can’t help but think “no, you have no idea of the shocking physical things I have just endured” I feel very alone sometimes and I look to these forums for support. Thank you for writing this. Miscarriage should be taught with sex education because the wall of silence you are hit with when you experience it is confusing and makes me want to scream out. This vent is my outlet so thank you. I am so mad that other girls have to go through this too. I wish I could take away your hurt. To all of you sad, heart broken girls out there. React how you need to and KNOW that it will be ok in the end. X

  58. ann smith
    Posted March 27, 2014 at 10:43 am | Permalink

    Dear LAURA
    I have read what you have been through,only difference is you got support frm hubby but i didnt…….becoz of weekend,,they kept me in painkillers in sat/sun…..and confirmed a complete miscarriage on monday,,,,,Its a bold effort that you wrote and felt O’god somebody is making an effort to share the experience

  59. Joanne
    Posted May 8, 2014 at 10:59 pm | Permalink

    I wanted to thank you so much for being so brave to publish your story, my friend has recently gone through this and there is so much I would like to understand but can’t ask because understandably its just too painful for her to talk about. I think more people need to understand the process and that includes the medical profession who need to deal with miscarriage far more sensitively. From reading your story I hope I can be a better friend.

  60. Katie
    Posted May 16, 2014 at 6:00 pm | Permalink

    Hi, I’m glad you shared this too. I’m going through a miscarriage right now and have beengivenno support what so ever :( I feel so lost. I went in for my 12week scan yesterday and the picture showed nothing, I already knew deep down, we were devastated. The sonographer barely told us anything, then left and came back saying we were to come for another scan in a week!? We left, cried all day. I went back to work today to take my mind off it,but as soon as I got home it all came flooding back. Thankfully my husbands has now pushed it and we are going in on Monday morning to talk about options. I’m terrified but at least I know someone will talk to me now about what will have to happen. I just wAnt to get it over with so I can heal physically and try to carry on with my life.this would have been our first child :( I want to make myself positive enough to try again but I am terrified it will all happen again :(

  61. susie123
    Posted May 20, 2014 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    Dear Laura,
    Thank you for sharing your story. I am in the throws of miscarriage number three and have of course been looking for solace on the web. My first ever miscarriage experience at 13 weeks was very similar to yours – only the worst of it happened in a motorway service station, in the middle of Starbucks. The experience has stayed with me for years and I wish I had been given information back then to equip myself – especially to stay at home rather than travel (we were encouraged by hospital staff to go away for the weekend as planned!!). This time it is a blighted ovum and I found at at 7 weeks. Today I’m going back into the hospital and I am going to push for a D & C this week. These days I am well informed and better equipped. I know the options and I know what is best for me. It is sad that I (and others) have had to find this knowledge through personal experience rather than information and guidance from medical practitioners. So my best piece of advice is to be demanding. Push for information and push for advice. If you’re finding it too difficult to do it yourself ask your partner, mum or someone else to do it on your behalf. And if you’ve opted to let nature take its course then please stay at home and make sure someone is on call to support you.

  62. susie123
    Posted May 20, 2014 at 10:02 am | Permalink

    Hi again Laura
    I also wanted to say how sorry I am that you’ve had to go through this and how brave you are for putting pen to paper. I don’t think i could have done it after my first miscarriage and I’m not sure I could even do it now, being back in this situation. So thank you. I hope that your next pregnancy, should you choose to go down that path, is a happy and healthy one. A friend who went through a miscarriage shortly before I did said to me: Be kind to yourself. I loved her for it and so am passing on the message. Take care.

  63. Lisa Cranston
    Posted May 20, 2014 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

    Hi Laura, im so glad you have shared your experience with us. I went through a similar thing 4yrs ago and was left in limbo for a week like yourself with not even a leaflet to read to prepare yourself for the realisation that miscarriage was pretty much imminent and what your options actually were. l had to get my information from my GP & l chose the surgical route. I have since had a daughter. But im 12 wks pregnant now and bleeding since sunday. I get a scan tomorrow (wed) and this time whatever the outcome although l am in turmoil l know what im up against. Thanks again for sharing. Lisa x

  64. Cat
    Posted June 3, 2014 at 7:32 pm | Permalink

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry that so many of us have to experience such a crappy thing. I’m currently what should be 11 weeks, but find myself at home waiting for a natural miscarriage to start. There is no information out there, the nurses at the hospital didn’t tell me what to expect either. I’m lucky that I already have 3 beautiful children and this is my first experience of miscarriage. Anyway thanks again for sharing, even though I’m still scared it’s given me and many others a insight into what to expect physically.
    Sending lots of love and hugs to anyone experiencing the same. X

  65. Emma
    Posted June 4, 2014 at 1:42 pm | Permalink

    Thank you so much for writing about your experiences. I had my 12 week scan yesterday. After joking with the staff that “this will be the proof that I am pregnant and not eating too much” I was told that I was pregnant but that my little one had died. I was offered surgery but not for another 12 days and told to go home and see if I miscarried naturally. I had no information about what to expect so consequently I am today alone at work with a change of knickers, some maternity pads and some paracetamol. I didn’t know what to expect and its clear that I am woefully under-prepared. Thank you for helping me to understand what might happen next and for writing so articulately about your feelings.

    • Cat
      Posted June 5, 2014 at 9:05 am | Permalink

      Hi Emma I’m Cat. Firstly I’m sorry you are having to go through this, it is shitty. I hope you have some form of support. I can’t remember what date I wrote my post but I started to pass everything at 3am this morning. It’s now 8.58am and I’m still not able to move far away from the bathroom. I would suggest that you go home from work and spend a few days at home. Even after reading Laura’s story I was still unprepared for how suddenly it happened, luckily I was at home. I had stupidly planned to go to the zoo today with my children, I’m so glad it didn’t happen there. I would advise anyone who chooses the natural way to stay at or close to home. Sending you lots of love and hugs x

  66. Emma
    Posted June 12, 2014 at 10:38 pm | Permalink

    Laura,
    Thank you for writing this. I have never written on any internet forum in my life, but I am heartbroken at my laptop and alone in my house (husband on other side of the world on a business trip), trying to somehow come to terms with the news I got today that I have had a delayed (silent, missed) miscarriage. Today I thought I was 9 weeks and 3 days pregnant, but I found out our grape (as we had started calling it) actually died at about 7 weeks and 6 days.

    I was searching online for some more info and trying to think about what to do. (I still have had no bleeding, only some cramping and diminishing pregnancy symptoms). My experience today has been very mixed. First of all a triage phone call with a GP, who was approaching patronising in her approach (“There, there, it all sounds nornal. You’re not bleeding, so don’t worry” vs. me saying “I’m telling you I am in pain and something is wrong to be cramping this much” etc etc). She did eventually agree to me coming in for a check up which was with a different calm, but efficient and informative GP who made the referral for same day scan etc. The nurses at the early pregnancy unit were mixed too. I was initially triaged by a nurse who was clearly experienced in many ways, but was in her first week at this job on that unit. She was extremely nice and calming too and clearly thought that it was most likely that all was well. I agreed to a student nurse doing my scan (ultrasound at first – no heartbeat detected) and then internal (still no heart beat detected). She was a student and she did her best. She was supervised but I imagine it took longer. It did seem to take forever, but that’s not surprising coming from my perspective. I can’t really complain. There were 3 nurses in the room at that time (original triage nurse, student nurse and her supervisor). They all seemed quite shocked too. After they couldnt find the heartbeat on the first ultrasound scan I think I knew what the outcome was going to be. The rest was just numbly going through the motions and waiting for the time to pass to hear. The sister came in to confirm the result as a second opinion. Everything was already starting to get a bit blurry.

    Then, some information given to me by another nurse who I hadnt yet met. I didnt really warm to her at all. Then some time to think about it and call my husband and discuss with my friend (who was with me the whole time). And then another nurse I had never met before (because the other had gone off shift) to find out what I wanted to do. The original triage nurse was there the whole way through and was great. I think she was predominantly shadowing other staff on her first week, but she was a perfect constant for me.

    I opted for the “wait and see” (natural) method for a number of reasons. I’ll try to get through the next few days and review on Monday if nothing has happened.

    I was searching online for what I could expect and reading your story Laura was both frightening and weirdly a relief to hear what it can actually be like. I’m scared. And my husband cant’ get back for another week or so, so somehow I have to manage it by myself. I have friends around me, or at least at the end of a phone, so I will manage it that way.

    It was my first pregnancy and we had been trying for 8 months to have a baby. I just somehow cant believe that it ended this way. Nothing can prepare you for the feelings. For me, I have no guilt yet (I read that can be common). I am just devastated and so incredibly sad. And shocked. It’s going to be hard for it to be real. Though I’m guessing that will change as more physical evidence comes to pass.

    This is way more than I intended to write and probably too long a post, but I feel a bit better for writing it. Thank you Laura, and thank you to everyone else who has written on here about their experiences of miscarriage. Somehow, I guess we will all get through it and out the other side xx

  67. Helen
    Posted June 13, 2014 at 11:49 am | Permalink

    Thank you for writing about your experience. It has been so hard to find information about what is happening. At 7 weeks I experienced pain for a day and bleeding that lasted nearly a week but my midwife, over the phone, said not to worry about it. At 8 weeks I saw the midwife and she still seemed positive but said if it happened again she would arrange an early scan. At 12 weeks pain and bleeding started again, I contacted my midwife and she arranged for me to have a scan the next day. At the scan appointment they couldn’t get a clear picture so did an internal scan. After which, they said I didn’t look 12 weeks pregnant and that the sac was larger than they would expect to merely contain a yolk. My partner and I were sent to a room where the walls were covered in leaflets saying “We’re sorry you have miscarried” until a registered nurse could explain. She said it might be that I am earlier in my pregnancy than it was thought but based on my dates and the scan evidence it seems that my pregnancy has stopped, possibly as long ago as two weeks before the first bleed, but we needed to come back in two weeks to check whether there is any development. She said in the meantime I might complete the miscarriage naturally or after the next scan I there are the options of a surgical procedure under general anaesthetic or a medical procedure. She gave me leaflets to take home. I still have nearly another week to wait for the next scan and I am still bleeding although the pain seems to have stopped, at least for now. At first we cried unable to stop but now we are in limbo, functioning each day yet the sadness still creeps up. We are expecting the worse, not daring to hope for the best.

  68. Emma
    Posted June 14, 2014 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    An update from my post on 12th June. I have been struggling with the idea of losing our little grape, and having no physical evidence that it ever existed. (This might also be related to the fact that I still havent passed any of it, but I dont think that is the sole reason). It might sound strange, but on Thursday I wanted to take home the scan report about the miscarriage (the writing bit) that was in my medical file. It’s just the info about what they found, the length of it, the details. They wouldnt let me, so I took a photo of it on my phone. I have looked at it many many times and although it’s upsetting, it’s actually helping me too. It’s some evidence that our little grape existed, was alive inside of me, and it’s helping me to assimilate what’s happened.

    Today I telephoned the hospital and requested a copy of the ultrasound photo too. (They didnt offer it at the time, which I totally understand, and it certainly didnt occur to me to ask). Again, I want something to remember our grape, to help me to grieve and ultimately, in time, to begin to somehow move forward.

    I also booked myself in for the internal tablets on Wed. The first appt they had is on Tuesday, but that’s my birthday and that just seemed too cruel and wrong.

    I know my way of coping will not be everyone’s way of coping, but it is something which is helping me and I wanted to share it. This site has been a great help to me already. Thank you all for sharing xx

  69. Elizabeth Chesnut
    Posted June 29, 2014 at 4:11 am | Permalink

    so i know this is an older post.but i just want to say i’m really glad you wrote it. at 12 weeks i found out my little one hadn’t grown past 8 weeks. my dr. sent me home with a perscription to induce contractions. i couldn’t wait it out naturaly after knowing what had happened. what scares me is that my dr sent me home with more info than most and i feel like she didn’t tell me anything! i had no idea what happened was going to happen. it was awful and i was alone and i don’t want to be quiet about it either. we need to let other women know what miscarriage is and what happens. it can’t remain a taboo word anylonger. so thank you for writing about your experience and even after all this time, i’m sorry for your loss.

  70. Elizabeth Chesnut
    Posted June 29, 2014 at 4:14 am | Permalink

    just checked the date and realized its not a very old post at all, i apologize.

  71. Emma
    Posted June 30, 2014 at 7:31 pm | Permalink

    Hi Laura.
    Thank you so much for publishing your story. I had a missed miscarriage in January which was truly hideous. I was shocked to find my own feelings and emotions reflected in your words. I had the medical management option and remember vividly the “losing of my pregnancy” both mentally and physically.

    Just when I thought I was over it all i got pregnant again (by accident on my part but not on his clearly ha ha). Allowing myself to think positively and believe that a normal pregnancy after a miscarriage was my given right I enjoyed the feeling of knowing I was pregnant without anyone else knowing.

    My world crashed again however when I was told on two separate occasions there was no heartbeat! Why me? Why again? As I had had spotting I opted for ‘nature’ to do the work but now am waiting! I change my mind hourly on how to deal with this. Surgical seems invasive, medical is hideous (the force and severity of the blood loss was barbaric and extreme) but waiting is torturous! I am pregnant (every part of my body reminds me daily) yet my baby’s heart has stopped/never started!

    My mind is awash with questions. I plead daily for things to be different and the sadness and anger is crushing me. Yet no one seems to have the answers or explanations to make this bearable. Your story helped by proving its not just me and for that I thank you. I have no words to change this or help anyone but knowing you are not alone brings comfort in small amounts.
    Take care. Emma. XxxX

  72. Saunish
    Posted July 13, 2014 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

    I am sorry to hear your story. First time in my life I had horrible experience ever I was also 11 weeks pregnant went for ultrasound scan early because I started bit of bleeding and tiny piece of blood clot I was panicking phoned nhs24 I been advise they it’s not a miscarriage but then the next day I had spotting then I knew something is not right called midwife I went for a early scan they said it doesn’t look like its 10 weeks pregnant there is a sack but it’s not normal , midwife said the machine says it’s only 6 weeks four days pregnant I was so upset and asked do you think it’s miscarriage? Midwife said ” I think so but you need to come for a another scan ..next week . But today I started bleeding I went to the loo like liver big piece came out that horrible it feel empty then it was in lot of pain I drank plenty of water went to the loo another same size pieces came out with lots of blood it’s not normal I also thought it would be heavy bleeding I felt so down wondering why tis is happen to me I first time in my lif… Thanks for sharing your story it was so helpful for me figure it out what is a miscarriage. I hope it will never happen to me again …..

  73. Donna
    Posted July 14, 2014 at 1:51 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for writing this, i’d only wish i’d read it before my misscarriage. My exeperience is similar but we opted for the medically managed first. I found out i was pregnant and a week later had spotting and cramping and i also came down with gastroenteritis. I went to see my local GP who confirmed i was pregnant and suggested i come back in a week’s time, i went back to my gp who then referred me to the EPU at the hospital.

    The worst part was the waiting and the not knowing. I felt like this pregnancy felt differnet to my first and was expecting the worst but when we went for a scan it showed 3 sacs but only 1 viable with a heart beat. The 3 sacs were a bit of a shock but we were relieved to see a heart beat with one of them. We had to come back in 2 weeks time to check again. So i went back at 9 weeks pregnant and they confirmed the same thing and their was still 1 viable with a heartbeat.

    After that we were beginning to feel really happy and planing for the future but then at 11 weeks while i was out to lunch with our parents celebrating my husband birthday i started to bleed. We had to leave the restaurant and my poor 3 yaer old, who didn’t understand where we were ghoing or why i was so upset. We call 911 who said we should go to A&E (on a saturday!) which ended up to be a waste of time. After hours of waiting, they basically could not do anything but refer us to the EPU and wait until monday when it was open again.

    So after another stressful weekend waiting we made an appointment for Tuesday for a scan. The scan showed the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks 4 days, shortly after our 2nd scan. We were devistated, the staff were all lovely but seemed suprised that i was so upset and that i didn’t expect it. EPU gave us all the choices and sent us home to decide what to do. We talked /cried alot and eventually decided that we wanted it to be over quickly. My husband was worried about the sugical option so we opted for the medically managed. Although the staff were great, i don’t think there is enough information about what actually happens. It was also upsetting for them to discuss my baby as a ‘product’ that needs removing.

    It was probably the most painful exeprience i have ever been through. The pain relief they gave didn’t work and spent hours in excruiting pain. As soon as the baby passed the pain stopped but then you have to go through the pain of them phsically checking and using forcepts to make sure everything is out.

    I have just found out i am pregnant again only 5 weeks after my misscarriage but think that this preganacy will also end in misscarriage as again it feels different to my first pregnancy and i’m not eperiencing the usual pregnancy signs (at least i know what to expect if it does)… Plus there is a little bit of hope so i will hold on to that for as long as I can x

  74. Lorna
    Posted August 1, 2014 at 12:56 pm | Permalink

    Hello,

    Thank you so much for writing such an honest, and detailed, account of your miscarriage. I am in the middle of this nightmare just now. I have been googling away trying to find information that will calm me down. Your article is the first one I have read that has seemed to do just that. Thank you.

  75. Heather
    Posted August 2, 2014 at 4:37 am | Permalink

    Thank you Laura for your bravery to share your experience I hope you are well, we lost our baby when I was 17weeks and I agree miscarriage should not be a dirty word said in hushed tones so many of the women I know have gone through this terrible ordeal and we never knew I really feel it should be talked about openly I don’t want to pretend I wasn’t pregnant like it’s some terrible secret that people don’t want to acknowledge, and I fully agree that there should be a gynae/obs drs on duty evenings and weekends having to wait up to 3 days is cruel for everyone involved. Sorry everyone rant over!

  76. Jilly
    Posted August 10, 2014 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    Laura
    I just want to thank you so much for posting this. As you said there isn’t enough information on the internet about miscarriages. I’m currently going through a miscarriage I found out last Monday that our wee baby had no heartbeat & I was 10 weeks pregnant naturally after having 3 Ivf treatments. We decided to let nature have it’s course & miscarriage naturally but almost a week of brown spotting just after going to the toilet I’m getting to the stage I want it over still have some pregnancy symptoms.
    My consultant doesn’t advise an erpc & recommends the medical management.

    Jilly

  77. Andrea harrison
    Posted August 28, 2014 at 10:46 pm | Permalink

    Today I found out at 9 weeks my pregnancy has ended at 6 weeks – 4 th pregnancy – 3rd miscarriage , it’s such a lonely and heart breaking feeling, “why me?” – the tears are flowing as read everyone’s brave stories – ladies you are all amazing . I have previously opted for natural miscarriages ,one was fine little pain and blood loss, the last one ( last year) was dreadful , lots of blood loss and clots started at work … And I had to drive home quickly in a state of panic, luckily my husband was there to hold me, clean up and support me. Not sure this time what I will opt for , I have to return for a scan a week today, I was considering medical intervention , but maybe not now. I found support in reading everyone’s post as I don’t feel so alone , love and hope to all of you x

  78. Amanda
    Posted November 13, 2014 at 6:38 am | Permalink

    Thank you to Laura and all of the other brave ladies who posted their spirit breaking stories. It is of some comfort to know I’m not entirely alone. I am also sorry such a shitty thing has happened to you all. I was 11weeks pregnant last Sunday. That night I started to bleed. My husband rushed me to A&E to find out what was happening. The triage nurse took me straight through for assessment and tried his best to keep me calm and give me hope that there may not be any thing wrong. I was assessed by a Dr, had blood drawn and I was told to drink water in preparation for an ultrasound. When the sonographer put my uterus up on the screen I said “please tell me it’s not empty” he replied with “nothing is clear at this stage just let me do the scan” my heart sank, medical professionals only withhold information when it’s bad news. He told me it was necessary to do a transvaginal scan to get a better picture and check for a heartbeat. I consented. The image came up, umbilical cord, sac, nothing in the sac, no little fingers or toes, no arms, no heartbeat, just a fluid filled sac. He told me the images suggested the baby had stopped growing/developing at 7 weeks. He said the blood work would let us know for sure if I had a continued pregnancy or not. The Dr confirmed my blood test results were “not supportive of an ongoing pregnancy”

    At this point my heart and soul felt like they had been ripped out and torn to shreds. They sent me home and told me to see my Dr in 2 days for a blood test to confirm. I saw my GP the next day who gave me a referral for follow up bloods and ultrasound. Then sent me home. I had no idea what to expect. No information about what would happen to my body. It was a rude shock when I started getting unbearable contractions for the next 5 hours until what I can only describe as “my waters broke” and the fluid poured out of me at which point I was unable to move because I was so racked with pain and exhausted from the process. The same thing happened the following night only instead of fluid it was 5 large clots and lots of blood. The bleeding has been terrible for the past 4 days. The insomnia isn’t helping, the lack of appetite means there is no hint of my once baby bump and the depression is engulfing. I’m finding the whole shitty experience hard to handle. It helps a little to know I’m not the only one. Good luck to those of you brave enough to try again, hopefully you will have happy healthy babies to come

  79. Simpo
    Posted November 16, 2014 at 5:11 pm | Permalink

    I felt like I was just reading my life back from the past 3 weeks. Identical situation, this is the first story I’ve read where I felt not alone. You hit the nail on the head with ‘if it’s so common why don’t I know of anyone in this situation!?’ I feel angry, and alone. Fed up and a mix of emotions. One min I want this baby to hurry up and leave my body the next I want it to stay. I miss my bump :(

  80. Anna
    Posted November 17, 2014 at 9:59 am | Permalink

    Thank you Laura for writing this, and I’m sorry that you had to go through this shitty thing. I have also recently miscarried and your experience was very similar to mine. I also found there was little information and so was totally shocked and scared when the main bleeding started – like you said, it was NOTHING like a ‘heavy period’ and I wish the doctors had prepared me for it. Now I’m probably going to have surgery to remove the small amount of tissue left. The whole thing sucks and has taken so long, weeks and weeks of not being able to think about anything else or start to move on. Thank you for writing honestly of your experience, it has helped me and I hope it helped you.

  81. Cherie-jayne
    Posted November 18, 2014 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

    Hi there Laura,
    I know this post has been here for awhile, but I am very thankful to have found it. Its 3am at the moment and today we went in for the nuchal scan, we are 13 and a half weeks, and the lady told us our little bub has no heartbeat. Funny thing is it was moving around just a few days ago and she told us that it has literally just stopped in the last few days. We could have had our scan last week and not even known about this. Needless to say I was devastated and burst in to tears on the poor woman. She had only just told another lady the same thing but she was much less far along. I have been to the Dr and the hospital and they were very open about my options and what will happen. But not that graphic which is what I need I think. My sister had a miscarriage last year and told me a bit this afternoon but hers was unexpected. I’m having to sit and wait and think. I have a 12year old son and he is a comfort to me. But I’ve been waiting so very long for this one. Everyone in my family is upset as I am in the process of packing my house to move states from Queensland to Tasmania and I literally have 2 days left of work before my annual and maternity leave starts. What do I tell my boss now. I’m so afraid of what’s to come, but I thankyou so much for telling your story because its what I needed to hear. I have a few days to a week for things to progress naturally, then I will go to hospital. Its luckily on the next block down if I need it. I don’t want to wait too long because I feel bad for the wee mite stuck inside, and also for myself.
    Thanks again so much for being brave and telling your story. I have been thinking of starting a blog for awhile now, so maybe I will have a story to tell soon and help people. Not exactly the good news I wanted to share, but It would be worth it.
    Much love to anyone experiencing this heartbreak and sorrow Xo

  82. Liz
    Posted December 3, 2014 at 8:53 am | Permalink

    I found out yesterday – at 7 weeks – that my baby was dead. The sonographer at the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit said: “I’m so sorry, baby’s much smaller than I’d like it to be, and there’s no heartbeat.”

    A robotic doctor – who was too busy being annoyed at the sonographer for telling me anything – asked me twice, “Why are you crying?” She said the embryo was too small to see a heartbeat and that I’ll have to wait a week and go back for another scan. She told me shrilly: “We do not know that baby is dead. No need to cry.”

    When I asked her about miscarriage, she said: “You do not need to know that now, just wait one week.” On my way out I asked a nurse: “Could I miscarry now?” Because as emotionally awful as this situation is, there’s a practical side too. I run a business. I was supposed to be giving a keynote speech at an event today. (A colleague has gone instead.) What do you need to have with you – normal sanitary towels? Something else? Where do I get strong painkillers from? What’s it going to be like? Will I see the baby (this scares me the most).

    The nurse told me that I might miscarry, but best not to think about it yet.

    So when would be best? When you’re doubled over in ASDA covered in blood? Or on a train? Should I confine myself to the house for the foreseeable?

    Nobody tells you a bloody thing.

    I was so confused that my partner and I went to a private hospital last night – where a lovely consultant confirmed everything the NHS had told me, but also advised me not to have hope. The baby is less than half the size it should be, and there should be a hearbeat by now. Poor little thing.

    I asked him about miscarriage. He said it would be like a heavy period.

    Even that’s not a good enough description. I need to know if I’ll see the baby. I need to know what level of bleeding means I need to go to hospital (I have heavy periods anyway).

    When I’m not crying, I’m getting angry about this. If so many women miscarry – why is there this veil of silence? Why do we have to scrabble around on Google to try to find information? Why doesn\t an EPAU – which deals with early pregnancy problems for God’s sake – just tell you? And now it comes to it, I’m also questioning the news blackout for the first 12 weeks. Whose good is that for? For me, it meant I had no-one to talk to when I felt things were going wrong (is spotting normal? Are these mild cramps normal?) So you hit Google like a maniac – and Google rewards you by serving you ads for Pampers when you’re trying to find out about dead babies and miscarriage. I did dial 111 – but it was broken the morning I really needed it.

    I’ve accepted already that my baby has died. I’m over 40, so it may have been my only chance (I have no other kids). To gain even a little emotional control, I need to know what will/could happen to me next. I need to know if I’ll have to reschedule meetings for a fortnight? A month? Is it still a good idea to have the family over at Christmas? How long will the hormones stay in my blood? (I hate that my boobs are still sore, and it’s for nothing.)

    Why is this whole subject still so taboo? Because taboo is exactly what it is when we can’t say to our friends, “No i don’t want a drink thanks, I’m seven weeks pregnant.” Or when we can’t tell our parents why we’ve stopped calling so much and need a little time to ourselves. Or when we can’t tell people the misery we’re going through. Just anonymously, online.

    It’s BS.. And if it weren’t a “female issue” it would be treated very, very differently.

    Laura is brave and very generous to share her story. But this shouldn’t be a secret sisterhood. It should be something that everyone is aware of and deals with – from employers (and I’m speaking as one), through to families and everyone else. Early pregnancy and miscarriage affect so many people, it should be a normal, open subject – and I’m pretty sure that for me, it would make the situation I’m in now easier.

  83. Liz
    Posted December 3, 2014 at 9:02 am | Permalink

    I wanted to add my huge respect for everyone who’s commented here. I’ve ranted because it’s all so raw -but I send love and heartfelt best wishes to everyone here.

    • Posted January 19, 2015 at 12:04 pm | Permalink

      Hi Liz, thank you so much for sharing your story here. You nailed it so perfectly – it’s so disgraceful that more is not shared and written about and talked through, because information is power, right? I’m really sorry for what you had to go through. Sending love X

    • Lin
      Posted December 12, 2015 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

      Liz. I feel so sad to hear your story. We got the news this Friday after waiting a week. Its true that a lot of staff don’t seem to care. I just wonder if doing a job like that makes you a robot instead of human because you need to be tough to keep telling people their baby isn’t progressing anymore.
      I think the other problem is some people don’t recognise the fetus as a baby until it is so many weeks old. For us it was real therefore it was a baby. Even if it was no bigger than my thumb nail.
      Thank you for sharing your story. It helps people like me just going through a miscarriage. Xx

  84. Ruthie Clegg
    Posted January 5, 2015 at 10:18 am | Permalink

    After 5 weeks of bleeding (2 weeks natural, 3 weeks medical) I am STILL bleeding and passing tissue and have a scan tomorrow which im sure will show that I am retaining products. I just cant bear the thought of surgery, but after such a long time I need my closure. I feel like im stuck in a lift between 2 floors, completely in limbo. This article has been so helpful and brought up all the emotions I have felt over these past 5 weeks. It is reassuring to know we are not alone. I also have a 3 year old who has asked me all the same questions and its heart breaking. Thank you for sharing your story with us, its inspired me to write down my experiences too and I wish you all the best.

    • Posted January 19, 2015 at 11:58 am | Permalink

      Hi Ruthie, I just came back to my post as I haven’t in a long while, and have seen your comment. I am so sorry you are going through this – it is shitty and hard and unfair. I hope you do get the closure you need soon. It will pass, but in the meantime do whatever you can to make yourself feel better. So much love and strength X

  85. Posted January 19, 2015 at 7:54 pm | Permalink

    I just wanted to say THANK YOU to anyone who has commented on this post in the year since I wrote it. I haven’t checked in on it so was utterly shocked when I came back today and found all the shared experiences and kind words.

    For anyone who comes to this looking for something that will help in the hardest of situations – I hope you find it. As I don’t check in here regularly, I have posted this whole piece again on my personal blog, so if you feel you would like to chat about things in the comments sections, please come over x

    http://babypicturethisandthat.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/on-miscarriage.html

  86. jacqueline
    Posted January 30, 2015 at 7:35 am | Permalink

    Thank you for writing this. I had an ultrasound yesterday at 10 weeks, no heartbeat. I’m waiting for whatever happens next.

  87. Carol
    Posted March 9, 2015 at 2:49 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for having the courage to share this, a friend is going through a similar experience and your writing habs helped understand how to help her.

  88. jody
    Posted March 10, 2015 at 12:39 pm | Permalink

    I’m currently 12 weeks and about to start my medical miscarriage. I am beyond terrified and totally devastated. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for, someone to tell me straight what is going to happen! For that I thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss, sadly I now understand too .
    Jody xx

  89. Ruby
    Posted May 21, 2015 at 8:25 am | Permalink

    Hi Laura,

    Thank you so much for bravely sharing this! I am experiencing the miscarriage at the moment and struggling to decide which option to take coz I still cannot believe that it is happening to me!!! As you said. I heard about miscarriage millions of times but never linked this to myself and now when it is telly napping I start to realise how little knowledge that I have.

    I was very confident even when I did the scan two days ago. I was somehow convinced that it must be one of the many symptoms that my baby is upsetting my womb while she or he is developing himself or herself. I cannot forget the moment when doctor told me I am sorry but I am afraid it is not a good news today. There is no heart beat ………my whole body was drained completely and I was stunned with hugh amount of unbearable shock. I burst into tears few mins later and kept asking her what have I done so wrong? … …. 4 days on, but It is still so hard to handle the truth, sadness is overwhelming.

    I read the leaflets that hospital provided me in terms of three options that I can choose to remove my baby! I am still struggling to choose between natural and surgical way. 4days after the scan confirmation of miscarriage but I don’t experience heavy bleeding or pain at all. It is very very light! I so wanted to know what to expect if I choose to go for the natural way and your information above was extremely helpful! Thank you again.
    Wish you well and all the best!
    XXX
    Ruby

  90. Theresa
    Posted May 25, 2015 at 7:39 pm | Permalink

    Hi Laura,
    I just wanted to say thank you for sharing such an honest and heartfelt account. I have just gone through my third miscarriage and this one was the hardest by far. My first two were fairly uncomplicated and even though I was much further along this time I foolishly thought I could handle it.
    Having read what you went through makes me feel a little more normal and ok with the thoughts running through my head.
    My husband, family, friends and work have been very supportive but you can still feel very alone in all of it, but I think through sharing we can feel less at a loss (and my case like some kind of failure) and hopefully make miscarriage less of a hushed trauma.

    Again many thanks
    Theresa

  91. Ali
    Posted August 16, 2015 at 7:17 am | Permalink

    Thank you, I’m current at the stage where the baby has no heartbeat but my body won’t give up on it, still getting all the pregnancy symptoms and just waiting for the 2nd scan and the eventual expulsion. It’s very helpful to know what to expect and has made my decision whether to go to work an easier one. A useful read. Good luck to others.

  92. Rebecca
    Posted September 20, 2015 at 8:54 am | Permalink

    I should have been 13 weeks by now, baby’s heartbeat stopped at 8 weeks, still nothings happened, I’m booked in at the hospital in the morning for the operation, I just need it all over and done with so I can get on with things really sad about it all as I’m 33 and been wanting a baby (this would have been my first) for manybyears, it’s absolutely heartbreaking and I send my love to all that have been through, or are going through this x

  93. Marg
    Posted October 24, 2015 at 11:49 pm | Permalink

    Wish I found this about two months ago. I had a miscarriage at 7weeks and it was my first pregnancy. I went for a scan to see if everything is alright and was told nothing is there. Haven’t been given any information at all in regards to what to expect. Week later when I was at work at the night time it happened. I was on my own.
    Sometimes i feel like exploding from the inside.
    Sorry this happened to You. Dont think anybody should face such a tragedy.

  94. Lin
    Posted December 12, 2015 at 4:38 pm | Permalink

    Laura, your story & honest words have helped me understand what is happening to myself. We got the bad news a day ago but had been waiting a week to see if a heartbeat could be found. No luck. The news was a massive blow. Plus I’m bloated and have a round tummy to make it more difficult. Got to go into hospital soon for the removal but my body is trying it’s best to help.
    They tell you 1 in 5 lose a baby but its doesn’t help. Its helped we have a 2 yr old who loves cuddles. To say I’m devastated is an understatement . Thank you for posting your message and I hope your journey through this hardship didn’t last long. Xx

  95. Posted February 26, 2016 at 7:45 pm | Permalink

    Hi Laura
    II’m so sorry you have been through this, but well done for writing this piece so truthfully. I suffered a miscarriage 2 days ago, I went for my 12 week scan and they said they could see the pregnancy sac but my baby hadn’t formed ( my partner and mines world fell apart) they prepared me for what could happen but that was no where near enough to help me understand. What you have written has helped me a lot more than some articles on the Internet. The fact you have been straight to the point and no beating around the bush is what I wanted to read. Having rung up the EPU a lot these past few days I have been getting conflicting advise a lot. The question I have been asked a lot is have you had a complete miscarriage and so many times my answers has been well I don’t know, I don’t know much should be coming out my body, I’ve never had a miscarriage. I’ve struggled with the pains the most and am now on 1 strong painkiller and 1 not so strong and still having pains. Sorry I’ve been blabbing on, my reason for this message was to thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you’ve written, it really has helped so much! All the best!! Xx

  96. alison
    Posted March 12, 2016 at 1:58 pm | Permalink

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s as if you have written down everything that is in my head. I am sitting at home waiting for my medical management of a missed miscarriage to kick in. I am so scared but it has strangely reassured me. It really is just such a shitty thing to happen. I know you wrote this a long time ago and i hope you and your family are happy and healthy x

  97. Nic
    Posted April 5, 2016 at 5:57 am | Permalink

    It’s 5am and yesterday I found out that my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I went to my booking appointment (10 weeks), as scheduled and mentioned quite off the cuff that I had some light bleeding when I wiped after going to the loo. I was one of the first ladies in so the widwife said she would see if she could squeeze me in for a quick scan “to ease my worrying”. I wasn’t expecting this and me and my partner were quite looking forward to seeing our baby for the first time so early on! I definitely was not expecting to have to have an internal scan when the sonographer took many photos, measured bits and touched my arm and said “I’m afraid I have bad news”. My world crashed. I sobbed so loudly that I think I terrified the ladies waiting behind me in the queue. The rest was a blur, they left me in a room with my partner, took my baby folders and just talked at me. They gave me 3 options, which was hazy and I still don’t know what to choose. My instinct said “have the surgery – keep the mess away from home” and I can’t believe I thought that. I’m riddled with guilt and lying here awake googling. I’m so glad I found this, I feel a bit more prepared, but not quite. I’m so sorry to hear about everyone else’s loss, but we’re strong women and we can get through it. All my love x

  98. Claire
    Posted June 1, 2016 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    Thank you Laura for your story. I had tears in my eyes whilst reading this because I can relate 100% to this. You story mimics mine to a T. I lost my first child at 11 weeks in November 2015. Me and my husband were devastated. Like you, I went home but that evening my ‘miscarriage’ started. I heamoraged and passed out when my husband called an ambulance. Unfortunately my experience at a and e was not the best and they told me they couldn’t do anything and that I would need to WALK half a mile up the road to the maternity hospital. I passed out when I got there. I was given a ‘sweep’ by a doctor and had all my fluids replaced overnight then sent on my way the next day. Unfortunately it wasn’t finished and I ended up back in hospital. Something was still stuck in my womb and my cervix was open causing more bleeding. I was given another tablet and 2 more sweeps before they took me down for surgery. It was excruciating both physically and emotionally and I take solace in knowing someone out there understands my grief. Thank you for sharing your story.

  99. Helen
    Posted June 3, 2016 at 8:03 pm | Permalink

    Dear Laura,
    i am currently going through my second miscarriage, and to read your words has helped me. Just because I have been here before does not prepare me for the loss I am feeling. What once was a baby is now dead inside me. It’s herendously painful to accept. I have support from my partner but still feel so numb. Thank you for speaking out and sharing your Sorrow.
    Kind regards
    Helen

  100. Jess
    Posted June 13, 2016 at 1:11 am | Permalink

    Thank you. Thank you. Im not sure if this comment will still be read as this post is pretty old, but I needed this so much right now. To know that I am not the only one that has had this experience. Unfortunately, you’re experience sounded like mine almost exactly. I had a miscarriage over Mother’s Day weekend. I had hoped to have it naturally (from misguided doctors advice) but ended up losing too much blood and having to go to the ER and eventually had a D&C. Now one month later it is better than the first couple weeks. I was a mess! But I’m still struggling. I don’t know how to talk about it with other people enough to deal with it healthily. I feel like my family mostly thinks I’m ok now and a big portion of my friends never knew I was pregnant. It has been such a lonely battle. The only reason I’m making it through right now is God’s grace. Prayers and thanks for you!

  101. Anon
    Posted November 3, 2016 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    Thank you for this and I’m sorry for your loss. I am currently miscarrying at 11 weeks and this has just reassured me that I’m not going mad. Although I would never have been fully prepared for the emotional heart break, I expected and knew it would come. What I didn’t know was the physical pain, and at times agony, I would be in. The nurses, Drs, healthcare assistants and reception staff I have dealt with have all been amazing and supportive but the whole way along no one has told me how much it would hurt or how much blood I would lose or how long this process would be. This is something I wish had been explained because, at what is already a terrifying time, I panicked even more especially living 45mins from any A&E department. The tears are still flowing and my heart is still breaking but I know with the support of my husband, family and friends, we will get there. I feel after going through this, more information needs to be shared about miscarriage and it should not be a taboo subject.

  102. Chloe
    Posted January 23, 2017 at 8:59 pm | Permalink

    Hi Laura, I’m currently going through my 1st miscarriage and I’m finding this really helpful because my experience so far is EXACTLY the same, same dates, same treatments, everything. I left the hospital after the internal ultrasound and cried A LOT and that’s when I felt the gushing… my best friend recently gave birth after what all the doctors and midwifes said was a “textbook” pregnant and birth and the first dark thought entered my head, “she got pregnant by accident and everything was fine, I planned my pregnancy and got the shit end of the stick”. The next 3 hours have been spent on the toilet gushing my(could have been) life out until I passed out. My mother came and cradled my head in her lap until I could crawl to bed where I am currently situated. My partner was out gathering painkillers and pads for me when this happened but I am glad my mother is here. She went through the same with her 1st pregnancy. I really do thank you for writing this x

  103. Hayley
    Posted April 29, 2017 at 7:12 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for sharing your experience and so giving comfort to others.

    I found out at 11 weeks that my baby died at 8 and apart from a small bleed felt no pain. Once the scan was completed and confirmed no heartbeat I was given 3 options of surgery, medical or natural. In a state of shock I said could I call tomorrow once I’ve had time to think things through. That very evening and through into early hours I can only describe pains similar to early labour and passed lots of clots. I’ve got booked in for further treatment tomorrow as the worst part for me is the not knowing if it’s all been removed? And if it has the unnecessary pain of having the medical treatment after a horrific painful and bloody night. When they sent me on my way I thought – heavy period, probably quite messy. Didn’t understand the physical pain. Need the physical pain to pass before dealing with the emotional.

  104. Lucy
    Posted June 4, 2017 at 1:05 am | Permalink

    Thank you for such a candid account. I am writing this from my hospital bed after being admitted with very heavy bleeding and being told that I am miscarrying.
    After a private scan that revealed no baby in sac/no heartbeat my husband and I were prepared for the worse. Then told to come back for a scan in 10 days just in case the dates are out.
    Bleeding started a week later, very light for the first two days then on the third day (today) endless blood like somebody had turned a tap on.
    My husband is supportive but I feel so lonely sitting up at 1am in (moderate) pain and too scared to sleep for fear of what I will wake up to. Have passed a lot of clots and have opted for medical management. Am being left to it in hospital.
    Thankfully I already have one beautiful child but I’m not sure if I could cope with this happening again should we think of trying again.
    What an awful thing to happen to us all. Xx

  105. Posted January 19, 2015 at 12:00 pm | Permalink

    Hi Tam, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I m so sorry you are going through this. So much love X

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Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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