On my first reading of Merida’s post, the romantic in me collapsed in on itself with joy.  On my second, the logical half of my brain started screeching about how everything is just coincidence.  But whatever you believe, even if it’s something in between, you can’t deny that a couple like Merida and Tom deserved to find each other.

Looks like the romantic in me won out.  Over to you, Merida:  

Fate: The development of events outside a person’s control, regarded as predetermined by a supernatural power. Originating from late Middle English: ‘that which has been spoken.’

I try not to believe in fate. It seems lazy to me, thinking that no matter what you do, or say has no real consequence as everything has already been written for us and what will be, will be. Well, of course ‘it’ will be, that’s life but surely we have a say what this certain “it” will be. Have I lost you yet?! Do keep up ladies…..

So why am I so adamant this is exactly where I should be? And why do I joke that the stars aligned when I met Tom? I feel we were literally thrown together and everywhere I looked there were signs that this was meant to be? Tom and I should of met years previously, and many times since then but we never did and I truly believe the Gods got sick and tired of us cocking up our lives and waiting for us that BOOM! Fate intervened.

After a career in various disciplines within recruitment I somehow ended up working in Industrial recruitment managing a busy office in Wallington near Croydon (a far cry from my last role in amazing offices just opposite Liberty’s in the West End….sigh!) and one of my main job roles was New Business. Cold calling, door knocking, relentlessly badgering people in command to take on my temps.

I first put a call into Tom’s family business in early 2002. He never took my call. Ever. I probably called every 2 months for 3 years…..Until one day I was driving past his yard in Mitcham when I took a phone call telling me I’d lost one of my new contracts. It meant I now had 5 Drivers out of work and I was going to miss my bonus if I didn’t get them placed elsewhere. So undeterred by the fact no one took my call for well over 3 years I pulled into their car park and decided I wasn’t leaving this bloody estate without some guaranteed work.  I didn’t get any work from them but my whole world shifted from this day. Getting that phonecall, at that time, changed everything.

As luck would have it, Tom was in. As was his Dad & Uncle. Oh, and his Nan, and his Mum and all his work colleagues who have known him from a boy. He invited me through to his office (Of course he did, I had fishnet tights on; they were actually fashionable……promise!) although “we don’t use agencies love, but come and have a chat.”

Walking into his office these 2 paintings caught me by surprise. Only the weekend before I had been looking in a shop at these exact two pictures, and telling my Mum I really wanted them. She rolled her eyes and asked where on earth would I put them…. (Tom’s office perhaps?!) ….it was just so odd to see them up there, they were mine! I remember sitting in his office trying to sprout out my normal patter and I just couldn’t. He wasn’t interested in the rates or referrals Tom just wanted to know about me.

I think if I had truly listened to my instincts I would of known he was The One right there and then.  I obviously didn’t listen as I wasn’t looking for my husband, and I had a whole heap of shite going on in my personal life. The screams of doom from this chapter were far too loud to be listening to the sounds of loveliness and angels singing coming from the next instalment of my life. But I did know he was special, that he was different and I wished with all my heart that my life wasn’t so complicated so he could be in it.

And well as luck (Fate part 3?!) would have it, my life unravelled in front of my eyes. Rather swiftly, unexpectactly and at the time, pretty soul destroying. Although looking back at that car wreck that was my life at that time it seemed all the obstacles in the way of what should ‘be’, were being removed. It had all served its purpose. I hadn’t any excuses, nothing pulling me down or clouding my judgement. It was just me.

Things kind of snowballed, and lots of little ‘fatey’ (new word?) things happened, moments in time where we were just in the right place, at the right time and no, we didn’t know the same people, or went to the same restaurants, or same school. We didn’t have family connections, we never lived in the same town, no nothing but somehow our lives ended up sitting across from one another with 2 paintings baring down on us that somehow made things feel right.

Toms Nan has always believed I was sent. That I was sent not only for Tom, but for their family. I’m not sure how true that is but it certainly feels nice. And did I mention that previous to Tom and I meeting, a physic told him he would meet a girl called Becky, and that everything would fall into place. His Mum reminded him of that when we moved in together after being together a few months. We had just found out I was pregnant and it was a pretty mind blowing time but whatta you know? Everything did fall into place, my name is Merida (Becky!) and I truly believe the chapters in my life led me here.

Fate, coincidence or pure luck I am certain this is where I should be.

Categories: Life Experience
4 interesting thoughts on this


  1. Jojo
    Posted April 25, 2013 at 8:29 am | Permalink

    I had to be the first to comment, Becci you put it so perfectly! Wow I was totally lost in your words. Your story really resonates with me. I believe in fate in that each of us have a destiny but there are many paths you can take up get there (and often obstscles along the way). Tom and his family are blessed to have such a smart, loving beautiful you in their lives and so am I.

  2. Posted April 25, 2013 at 11:22 am | Permalink

    I just don’t know on this one. Everyone has tiny quirks that bring you together – and you know it’s right, but is that fate?

    Without bringing religion into this, I think I believe that there isn’t really fate. If my story had changed a little bit would I be with someone different? Maybe. Would I be less happy or fulfilled, or more? There is genuinely no way of knowing. Does everything happen for a reason? Perhaps.

    Your story is romantic and amazing, and ‘right person right time’ is a thing, I guess I’m just saying I don’t buy into the earth aligning to make that happen.

  3. Gemma N
    Posted April 25, 2013 at 1:34 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for sharing, it’s a lovely story. I want to know what the pictures in his office were?!

    I can’t quite make my mind up about fate. I don’t believe everything is down to fate, that we have no control over things, but then sometimes things happen that just feel like they were meant to be.

    Whether this is fate, what fate is, is it some kind of God intervening – I don’t have a clue, but I definitely think certain things happen for a reason – and can relate to your story in terms of lots of things going wrong in life and thinking it was horrendous at the time, but actually looking back it was the ‘bad’ things that led you to do something good / better / what you should have been doing all along.

    I can hear the counter argument to this already, that it’s just a way of rationalising a crappy time to make it seem less awful / futile etc. and I can see all that, but I’m afraid the romantic / optimist in me wins out!

  4. Fran M
    Posted April 25, 2013 at 2:58 pm | Permalink

    I just don’t believe in fate – amazing coincidence, yes. But the stars crossing to align our actions in some way? No. In the same way that I don’t believe in god, I can’t suspend my concept of reality and believe in fate. But if you do, then good on you.

    That doesn’t take away from this lovely story though. I’d love to hear part two (the story of how you actually got together) in more detail :)

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Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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