Zero to Three.
Headlong into the unknown. Joy. Pain. Excitement. Adoration. Love.
Late nights and early mornings mingle, tangle together incomprehensibly. The world is far away, behind a mist. You glow, like a beacon through the fog, giving me direction.
Fatigue. Blur.
Existing. Surviving. Managing.
Love like no other; fierce and honest and true. Inhaling your tiny sounds and sighs.
Grief for a life no longer mine. Your need terrifies me. And awes me.
Smiles. Beautiful smiles. Giving me reason.
Three to Six.
A breath. Weight lifted. Moments of freedom.
Drifting and waking. Often together. Not deliberately, but somehow pre-destined.
Face full of light. Shining.
Time is confused. Days take months to pass; months go by in mere days.
Moving, rolling, sitting. So fast.
Tears and laughter. Sometimes in harmony. Often from both of us.
Recognition. I can’t tell whether I’m looking at myself, or at you. Recognising myself in your reflection. We’ve become one. Inseparable.
Worry and guilt. Guilt and worry. Guilt over worrying. Worrying over guilt. Forever now.
Six to Nine.
Marvelling at the changes every day. But nothing has changed. You are still you, and always will be.
The truest laughter I’ve ever heard. Raw and pure.
Play-time. Bubbles and babbling. Moving now.
First foods. Mess. New experiences; delight and disgust.
Motherhood becomes easier, more manageable. I feel lighter.
Sleep. Sleep changes everything. Every minute extra that you give me is like a gift, wrapped up in beautiful paper and a red shiny ribbon.
Independence. Less need for me, more desire to be near me.
Sureness that you were meant to be mine. That no other person could have fitted so perfectly into this hole in my life that I didn’t know that I had.
Nine to Twelve.
Outisde now, longer than you were inside.
Blossoming.
Personality developed, but not fully, like a negative only half exposed. Already set in stone, but so much more to learn.
You’ve always been this person; I know that now.
Daring, passionate, friendly, independent, fearless. Mostly fearless. Don’t lose that.
Stand, fall, stand, fall. And repeat. Determination. Resolve. Grace.
Pride. Overwhelming, heart-bursting pride; exploding inside, like fireworks.
Joy.
One.
We made it, you and I. Somehow. One year. Here’s to so many more.
21 Comments
Pure poetry, delight, intimacy & joy to read on a cold December morning.
Rachel. This is so much more eloquent than Aisling and I, who basically WEPT and sniffled something about how it MUST BE POSTED
This is beautiful. And that picture! Those little legs!
Beautifully poetic and honest. It’s making me well up as I lie next to my 6 month old girl (she has yet to receive the memo about more sleep though…).
Happy birthday little one!
Absolutely perfectly beautiful. This is the most wonderful piece of writing I have read in ages, and I may be welling up over my cereal over here.
K x
This is a delightful piece of writing, imagine having one written each year then reading them all on your 18th birthday. Beautiful words and a fitting photograph of both of you – the support of a Mother, the independence of a daughter. I really want to give my Mum a huge hug now!
Crying. Beautiful thing for E to read when she’s older.
This is so lovely and heartwarming to read. I love how she looks so independent and determined in the picture, even though you can only see the back of her head!
Darn it you warned me and I didn’t listen!
I started off and I was like “it’s OK, there’s not that much writing, I totally won’t cry…”
Bawling at my desk now.
Beautiful, just beautiful. x
Had a little cry this morning before I left for work reading this. So beautiful.
Wow, amazing writing. Gave me the goosebumps. Am all for writing one of these for each Birthday. Would be such a beautiful
Absolutely beautiful, Clare. x
This piece: sheer beauty
Wondrous, radiating joy
It gave me shivers.
Beautiful girl, beautiful mamma, beautiful writing x
Just adorable in every way.
Sniff, sniff…just beautiful. I can’t wait to experience this first hand…only 5 more months to go!
Crying
Nice post.
Wow, x
I can’t believe I have only just seen this.
Absolutely beautiful. And honest. And perfectly you, E and your journey together.
x
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