Zero to Three.
Headlong into the unknown. Joy. Pain. Excitement. Adoration. Love.
Late nights and early mornings mingle, tangle together incomprehensibly. The world is far away, behind a mist. You glow, like a beacon through the fog, giving me direction.
Existing. Surviving. Managing.
Love like no other; fierce and honest and true. Inhaling your tiny sounds and sighs.
Grief for a life no longer mine. Your need terrifies me. And awes me.
Smiles. Beautiful smiles. Giving me reason.
Three to Six.
A breath. Weight lifted. Moments of freedom.
Drifting and waking. Often together. Not deliberately, but somehow pre-destined.
Face full of light. Shining.
Time is confused. Days take months to pass; months go by in mere days.
Moving, rolling, sitting. So fast.
Tears and laughter. Sometimes in harmony. Often from both of us.
Recognition. I can’t tell whether I’m looking at myself, or at you. Recognising myself in your reflection. We’ve become one. Inseparable.
Worry and guilt. Guilt and worry. Guilt over worrying. Worrying over guilt. Forever now.
Six to Nine.
Marvelling at the changes every day. But nothing has changed. You are still you, and always will be.
The truest laughter I’ve ever heard. Raw and pure.
Play-time. Bubbles and babbling. Moving now.
First foods. Mess. New experiences; delight and disgust.
Motherhood becomes easier, more manageable. I feel lighter.
Sleep. Sleep changes everything. Every minute extra that you give me is like a gift, wrapped up in beautiful paper and a red shiny ribbon.
Independence. Less need for me, more desire to be near me.
Sureness that you were meant to be mine. That no other person could have fitted so perfectly into this hole in my life that I didn’t know that I had.
Nine to Twelve.
Outisde now, longer than you were inside.
Personality developed, but not fully, like a negative only half exposed. Already set in stone, but so much more to learn.
You’ve always been this person; I know that now.
Daring, passionate, friendly, independent, fearless. Mostly fearless. Don’t lose that.
Stand, fall, stand, fall. And repeat. Determination. Resolve. Grace.
Pride. Overwhelming, heart-bursting pride; exploding inside, like fireworks.
We made it, you and I. Somehow. One year. Here’s to so many more.