Behind Closed Doors: In Sickness and In Health

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17th October 2011 – 11.28am

I was in a meeting and things were going well.  The room was stuffy so someone had climbed over furniture and used  achair to open a window.  We were laughing.

My phone kept ringing from a private number.  It was annoying as I had told my bank not to ring until after 12, so I was really irritated they were ringing before.

The meeting ended and I realised I had three voicemail messages and some text messages.  I got to my desk and I had emails.

“I don’t want to worry you but your fiance is in hospital.  He will be fine.  Please call me on …”

He is someone who always will look at a physical challenge and say “I can do that” someone who is fiercely independent and a fighter.  When I got hold of him and he said he needed me, I knew i had to be there.

We still don’t know what made him ill and put him in hospital.  Unless (and I really hope it doesn’t) it happens again we will never know.  When I got to the hospital and saw him covered in those clever vitals monitoring stickers, in his hospital gown, I wanted to cry.  Instead I asked how he was and tried to make coversation.

The next day he went back to work as he thought he could not take time off.  I did too so I could forget how ill he was.

27th December 2011 – 2pm

On a long walk which would normally be easy for him, I slipped and sprained my ankle, but it was him who needed me to carry him home.

By the time we got to the door of his father’s house he was pretending he could walk and was fine.  He then had to lie down for an hour.

He walked like his 94 year old granddad and struggled with stairs.  I was very afraid.

1st July 2012

We got married on the 30th June and it was AMAZING but when we woke up the day after we were both completely wiped and barely able to stand.  The last few months had come close to destroying us.

My normally capable and supportive husband has not been there, he has been too ill to help.  I have continued to be the one who carried him.

20th July 2012

Things got so hard that he became hard and angry and I was scared I’d lost him forever.

25th August 2012

He walked up to me in the kitchen, gave me a hug and said “Thank you”.

1st October 2012

He took me out to dinner.  We had a chat about our lives.  He feels so much better, we made silly jokes and ate too much food, we both felt ill the next day.  He asked me about my life, and work, and we worked out that I had been working so hard on getting us through that I had not realised that I hated my job, or that I was working too many hours, or that I wasn’t myself anymore.  We agred thast it was great that he was better, finally better, and he talked about how hard he’d been working just to get better, and how eventually he realised that what he needed to do instead was rest.

I’ve got my husband back, this blur of a year is starting to find focus again.

3rd October 2012

I cried with relief.  There are still so many challenges to face but now we can face them together.

Categories: Behind Closed Doors
14 interesting thoughts on this


  1. Lara Blue
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:12 am | Permalink

    I can’t imagine how hard this year must have been for you. I am humbled by your story and I truly hope that things keep getting better for you. Xx

    • Anon
      Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm | Permalink

      Thank you. We’re OK. Its kind of like a giant perspective machine, but in a really good way.

  2. Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:44 am | Permalink

    Wow. It is truly inspiring that you worked through it together and stayed strong for each other. The “in sickness” part is definitely not something I enjoy contemplating… I hope moving on with your marriage you get a few more of the good times! :) xxx

    • Anon
      Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm | Permalink

      We’ve got our fingers crossed for 2013 being amazing, but we know we can get through a lot.

  3. Posted October 30, 2012 at 11:22 am | Permalink

    It just goes to show, ‘in sickness and health’ starts way before you get married

    I hope everything continues to improve for you


    • Anon
      Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm | Permalink

      Its funny because I cannot remember if we put in sickness and in health in our vows, but I’d always thought I would be the sick one before, so it turned a lot of our thoughts on this on its head.

  4. Roz
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm | Permalink

    I am so happy that have both got through this and are back facing life as a team again. I imagine you must have felt quite alone and scared over the past year but I hope you can look back and see what a wonderful wife you have been when your husband needed you the most. Like Lara, I hope things continue to get better for you both and you enjoy your first Christmas as husband and wife xx

    • Anon
      Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm | Permalink

      Thank you! I was not always supportive, sometimes I was frustrated, but I knew it was worse for him. I hope we enjoy it too. Thank you again. xx

  5. Peridot
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm | Permalink

    Strange how these things are timed. I came in today exhausted by another night when my fiance wakes up choking and wheezing – literally unable to breathe – and in a cold sweat and spitting blood. And then I got the call that he’d taken himself off to hospital fearing “something is very wrong”. He is the least likely sufferer of hypochondira ever – hates “fuss” and never goes to the GP. And we’re getting married in 10 days. But the blood tests are okay and an x-ray of his lungs is okay so we don’t know what it is. It’s so scary though and you feel so helpless.

    So, this was a roundabout way of saying I’ve had a little taster of what you’ve experienced so I really sympathise with how hard it must have been for you. I do hope that this is an experience which gets further and further behind you but that leaves you all the stronger together.

    • Anon
      Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm | Permalink

      Oh that sounds awful – I hope he gets better soon

    • Anon
      Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm | Permalink

      Oh my goodness that sounds awful! That sounds so similar (though there was no blood in our case and that always terrifies me). I hope you both come out of this together and stronger. xx

  6. Posted October 30, 2012 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    I’m so glad that your husband is better, and I hope that things continue to improve for you both. You sound like you’ve been a phenomenal support to your husband, and I’m really glad he was able to tell you how grateful he’s been for that. x

    • Anon
      Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

      Thank you. I am too. That was the best moment. Its actually up there with our wedding day.

  7. Anon
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm | Permalink

    Thank you all for your kind comments. We are doing better every day!

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