This post by Rebecca, the brains behind the fabulous lifestyle blog Florence Finds dropped into my inbox at just the right time. I recommend you bookmark it for when life just gets a little too much. Rebecca asks important questions regarding what we expect of ourselves, about what we value, and challenges us to ask ourselves whether we actually link the two in our lives. In our rush to achieve it all, are we missing out on the important choices? Thank you Rebecca, and over to you:
Hello lovely readers, I’m Rebecca, usually found over at Florence Finds and I’d like to extend a special wave to all the other bloggers participating in today’s International Women’s day here at AOW who I don’t already know, it’s nice to meet you!
I’m quite honoured to have been asked to contribute here, amongst such thoughtful and intelligent company, so much so that it took me quite some time to get over my stage fright about what to write. When you think about choices and relate that back to women, there are so many topics that warrant mention. Women having the vote, abortion rights, the ability to pursue a career, delay a family if we so choose, even having access to decent contraceptive choices, but as I thought them over none seemed quite right for me to discuss today. In fact, what stuck in my mind was the overwhelming number of choices we have and a thought that often crosses my mind; Are we making the right choices?
We are educated women, with opportunities coming at us from every angle. And what is the right thing to do? Well, say yes of course, seize life with both hands and make the most of every single one of them. Except, how are we supposed to enjoy anything when we can’t quite seem to catch our breath and give head space to any single task? We have careers, work long hours often and then many of you do another full time job, being mothers, without breaking stride. As if that isn’t enough, we all have interests. Maybe we’re learning another language, discovering the joys of ‘growing your own’, or pursuing the title of domestic goddess in the kitchen. And don’t forget the ever growing pressure towards physical perfection that demands actual grooming and attention to current trends that sees you keeping up with Miss Jones next door.
It’s a stereotypical spectrum of issues and perhaps you don’t pursue these particular achievements, or even value them. Perhaps this is more about what you really value. Are we making the choices that lead us there or the ones that are expected of us? Perhaps it’s more about what we expect of ourselves.
Image from here
I cram a lot into my life; My job, a blog, my allotment, an excessive interest in fashion, style and cooking. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing any one of them properly. When I think about what I really value, my relationship, my family and friends, time to enjoy my life and the beautiful things around me that I work so hard to enjoy, they are all packaged into the smallest proportion of my life. I often barely sit in the rooms that I work so hard to decorate for example. In an effort to achieve our goals we’re often found far from home then when the time comes to start a family we’re trapped without child care or just the benefit of experienced parenting advice. If we were creating the ideal world, would we plan to be away from our most valuable support networks at the most difficult times of our lives? Choice is something to be celebrated, but doesn’t mean we need to be superhuman and attempt it all, rather that we are fortunate enough to pick and choose the path we take.
Clearly, I haven’t yet found the right answer, I don’t even really believe there is one. Not only are each of us different, but we change throughout our lives and have different needs during our teens, to when we’re focusing on work or starting a family. I just know that along with supporting other women in their choices, whatever they may be, we really ought to cut ourselves a little slack. With so many choices to make these days, rather than thinking about what society expects, or even what we imagined we would be achieving, we should be thinking about what’s right for us, in the here and now. You have a choice. Use it wisely.
Love,
Rebecca
xo
11 Comments
nodding like a nodding dog here!! “how are we supposed to enjoy anything when we can’t quite seem to catch our breath and give head space to any single task?” yes x a million! and yes, we do need to think about what’s right for us, here and now. (brilliant post Rebecca!)
This is so true. The issue of a supportive network for raising children is so pertinent, we have come away from a society where families stay in the same house/street/town their whole lives, where the general rule is that mothers stay at home taking care of all the children and passing on the skills of housekeepers to daughters.
Obviously, this is an amazing thing but at the same time everyone is so very busy trying to ‘have it all’ and make the most of all these choices that we are all living our lives at such speed. When we do come to settle down in to family life a bit more it is very difficult to balance childcare/working/living/supporting ourselves. Rebecca, you’re so right we need to pick and choose and take the opportunities that mean the most instead of just doing everything.
You just can’t do everything and have all those things done properly. I know one of the things that overwhelms and upsets me the most in my life is the feeling of failing, of taking too much on and then letting people down. I need to take some of what Lucy wrote earlier today too and be happy with what I can do and choose to make the best of it.
Really enjoyed this post. x
Thanks Anna (and Zoe,)
I think it’s work that brings it home to me… I see so many kinds trailed in with little more than snotty noses for ridiculously short periods of time, that I wonder if there were better suppport networks in place and valuable parenting experince passed down (‘give them some calpol and see how they go’) would things be different. I’m sure it’s a result of understandably worried parents too, but that reassurance is invaluable.
I say this as someone who lives over an hour (not that far I know, but not around the corner support either) away rom my Mum, and with no plans to change that even in the event of children happening… that’s just modern life I guess!
I think I just broke the comments… testing testing 1 2 3
Hit the nail on the head there Rebecca! We have so much choice now – maybe too much, and a huge expectation on ourselves that we should be able to juggle everything competently, and still have time to bake a cake.
I’ve given up on wanting it all. I’ve settled in a career that doesn’t stress me out, to concentrate on starting a family. And hopefully, come October, I’ll be starting maternity leave with no intention of going back to work. I’ve passed up on ‘being something’ for me, to be able to ‘be someone’ for our future children. And that’s my sacrifice – others might give up ‘being someone’ to ‘be something’ for another couple of years, and that’s fine too.
I attempt to bake, I make attempts at fashion, and I have a huge unread pile of books. And that’s ok. But I’ve decided to be realistic about who and what I am….and it’s not someone who can juggle all the balls.
And this is from the girl who 10 years ago was never getting married, wanted to go to university and travel the world…..you change, the people around you change, and what you want from yourself and them change – it’s knowing when to go with it that is the scary thing!
xxx
Hear hear! I think every woman should be cutting herself some slack. Sometimes I think that ‘having choices’ has morphed into ‘doing it all’ which wasn’t the idea at all! If you want to do it all, then go ahead, but you don’t have to. That’s the beauty of it.
Also, this makes me feel SO MUCH better about leaving the cleaning for just one more day…
Great post Rebecca. Yes to the choice. The choice we have because of very brave women.
Again I am at a loss to say something constructive so will once again resort to “what she said”.
Brilliant as ever Rebecca.
xoxo
I concur with all the above comments. Brilliant post, and thought provoking too.
I love the Happy Diagram.
xx
This is so true. I find that I have spent so much of my life trying to cram things into and making the most of each moment, that now at the times when I don’t have things to do and actually have some down time for myself that I feel completely lost, like I am wasting my day. Which is ridiculous! We need to cut ourselves some slack!
I think this is just great advice. Something to remember.
xx
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[...] can read my post right here. This years theme on Any Other Woman was ‘Choices’, a tough one to write about as where [...]