Things people tell you before you have a baby that you think couldn’t possibly be true, but actually are.

Five days to go, readers.  We have never worked so hard for anything.  Well, perhaps university finals and having a baby, but, you know.  Details, details.  We cannot WAIT.  On with Clare’s post….

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  • Sleep deprivation will mess with your brain. You will be one of those women. I recently argued with Andy over the fact that I was INSISTENT that I had bought a big bag of porridge oats, and they couldn’t have just disappeared. They were found in the salad drawer of the fridge three days later.
  • However, your idea of a good night’s sleep becomes dramatically different from pre-baby times. Anything longer than a cumulative total of five hours throughout the night and you are bouncing off the walls, whilst other mums look at you bleary eyed and jealous.
  • You will talk about poo more than you could imagine possible. You will talk about it with your husband when he gets home from work (you may even phone him to announce the arrival of a particularly long awaited one), you will talk about it with friends in restaurants. Its colour and texture will be of utmost interest. Coming from the woman who previously denied that she even had bodily functions, this is some turn around.
  • On this subject, you genuinely will not care who sees your ginny-gina (yes, that’s what I just called ‘it’, what?) whilst in labour. I know. You think you will be one of those people who still finds it mortifying, even whilst in labour. Believe me, I was that person. when it came to it, I didn’t care. At all. I had people shining torches in places I have never even seen myself. There are way too many other things going on to worry about that. Like pushing a baby out.
  • You will cry. A lot. You will cry for many reasons, including; the cat knocking over the bottle of expressed milk that took you nearly an hour to get; finding porridge oats in your salad drawer; your baby waking for the sixth time in one night; rushing to leave the house with a screaming baby who woke six times the previous night, dropping your car-key on the floor, breaking said key, meaning you can’t leave the house after all; looking in a window and seeing a fat woman with sick in her hair, and realising that it’s not a window, but actually a mirror; discovering that starbucks have run out of soya milk and won’t have any more until tomorrow. This is not an exhaustive list, and can be added to at any time.
  • Leaving the house really *does* take half an hour.
  • Sometimes  Often when getting dressed in the morning, comfort trumps looking good.
  • You will leave the house with sick in your hair. More than once.
  • Breast-feeding is HARD-WORK. It hurts, it is time consuming and tying, and it often feels like your body does not belong to you. You will most likely get blocked-ducts, mastitis (infected blocked ducts, oh yes), thrush, and cracked nipples. All in the first three weeks. After that it gets marginally less painful. I’m told by six months it’s ‘easy’. I’ll let you know on that one. Also? You either stay in your house for the first 6 months of your baby’s life, or you get your boobs out in public. Neither seems to be that great an option, but I’m going on the second.
  • You know that thing where they say you will love your baby more than anything else in the world, and that you would do anything for them? That your heart will actually hurt a little bit when you hear them cry, and that when they smile it’s like little bursts of magic rainbow dust that negate everything I’ve just whinged about above? All true. 100% true.
Categories: Any Other Baby, Becoming a Mother, Written By Clare
3 interesting thoughts on this

3 Comments

  1. Posted March 5, 2012 at 10:02 pm | Permalink

    Tis true, all of it.

  2. Posted March 9, 2012 at 7:31 pm | Permalink

    I don’t think anyone has ever put into a blog post the EXACT same feelings as I had when I became a Mum 2.5 years ago. Everything you said is totally true…I put t-bags in the airing cupboard!

  3. Posted May 13, 2013 at 4:50 pm | Permalink

    Clare so SO good to re-read this right now. Making me feel more normal. Thank you x

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Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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