I like to think that I’m quite restrained when I’m angry. I scream into pillows, grind my teeth and dig my fingernails into the palms of my hands. I threw a remote control at a wall once, but that was more out of frustration than anything else. I love to have a good sulk and there’s nothing like slamming a solid oak door to release some tension. I’m not a shouter, nor am I particularly articulate when I’m het up about something serious, hence the remote control shotput.
Not being a shouty person is generally a good thing, but when it comes to arguing-specifically with Phil-it’s nothing but a big fat hindrance.
You see, he’s exactly.the.same. A world-class sulker. Professional, almost. HE’S never done anything as irrational as throw the Sky Remote at the bedroom wall. Regardless of the topic of ‘discussion’, he can assume the air of the correct party (even, and especially when he is very definitely the wrong party!) and sit in silence for hours.
Two pouting sulkypants do not an efficient argument make. We have niggly arguments regularly and when we bicker, it’s fun. But when we really argue, when we fight, it can take us days to resolve the conflict. I’m not proud of this, I wish more than anything that we could have a reasoned debate, each stating our case and listening to the other do the same with patience and respect…but it’s never going to happen. I choose to hope that it’s our kind of ‘healthy’, the way we fight. Even though there’s only been a handful (four, I think…) of times we’ve really exploded at one another, I still envy couples who can have passionate, intense, short-lived fights and move on with clean slates and consciences.
Is there hope? Might we two adults learn to argue like…adults? What works for you, as a couple? Have you ever thrown a remote at a wall? (I swear-it was just once. And no-one was hurt, not even the remote.)