So, this e-mail turns up in our inboxes the day of Fee’s amazeballs ‘Letter to my 15 year old self’ post. The subject line: ‘A Twist on the Theme’. There’s no preamble to the content of the e-mail, it simply launches straight into the post you’re about to read. The e-mail has been sent to Anna, Clare and myself from the wonderful Penny and within seconds of finishing reading it we’re firing e-mails to one another across the interweb ‘PENNY-I WANT TO LICK YOUR FACE’ (Aisling) ‘PENSKY, I LOVE YOU’ (Anna) and ‘LET’S JUST POST THIS EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF FOREVER’ (Clare). Luckily Penny didn’t think we were completely batshit crazy and was totes happy to let us
wallpaper our homes with it post it on the blog. It’s epic and fantastic and hilarious but sweet and sincere and all kinds of goosebumpy lovely. Over to Penny (of Penny and the Sausages.)
Are we related? I thought we made a pact that we’d be enormously successful and living in a penthouse apartment in Manhattan by now? I did think we’d at least have been on Top of the Pops… what do you MEAN there’s no TOTP in the future? And no hoverboards? BOGUS. Back To The Future 2 LIED.
You’re not like me at all. I can’t believe you enjoy exercise to the point of wanting a career in it, for starters. I put A LOT of effort into those sick notes for P.E, and this is how you thank me? I’m aching just thinking about it. Ugh. I don’t want this to be my life. SEND HELP. Can I fake a sick note to get out of being my future self? A sick note to God?
I like your house though. It’s BIG! And full of amazing stuff. There are SOOOO many guitars…and so many records… OH. They’re not ALL cool though. I spent all those years standing in stinking record shops flipping through small label 7″s for you to own this many Genesis LPs? And now you play in a covers band? WHY DID I BOTHER LEARNING ALL THOSE WEIRD TIME SIGNATURES – JUST SO YOU COULD SING TIFFANY?
GOD you’re so embarrassing.
You have a lot of friends though, that’s weird. I don’t have that many. And you’re not scared of anything. You just do it. You don’t give a sh*t, do you? I can’t ever imagine being like that.
Who’s this? This is who we get to marry? He’s not mysterious and brooding at all. He’s just very, very silly. Was that on our List of Qualities? I don’t remember that being down on there. He is funny though. And sweet. And sort of cute. And borderline offensive. OK, I just heard him play guitar extremely well, I WILL LET YOU OFF for this one.
God you are BOTH so embarrassing together, look at you! So SAD. You just don’t care what anyone thinks about you! ARGH!
I thought we’d be rich and successful. But you don’t care about any of that any more. It’s as if you’re only bothered about being happy and being with Other People. When do Other People stop being scary and complicated and impossible to talk to and start being on our side?
This is weird. YOU’RE weird.
I can’t believe we’re related.