Weddings are complex things. In one respect they are often wonderful life changing events that stay with you for your whole life. On the other hand the dynamics can cause you to look deep into things that you sometimes would rather gloss over. They really put relationships under the microscope, and more than that, they can bring your own ingrained morals and beliefs into focus too. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can be *hard*, and that’s what Lorna is finding out now.
So lovely ladies…I leave you with Lorna and her shout out for a little bit of advice….
|Because it always helps to put a name to a face when you are giving someone advice.|
I want to talk about wedding budgets…
The flip side of this is that I’m British, therefore know deep down that talking about money is tacky and shows poor breeding. So I’m not really going to write about the details. Instead I’m talking about spending other people’s money. Wedding Blogs have made me feel really guilty about this- if I read another ‘we decided to just wait until we could pay for it ourselves’ comment, I will cry.*
There are two main reasons for this (over) reaction- the first being that paying for my own wedding would have deeply upset my mummy. I’m sure there must be others whose parents are excited about giving them money for a wedding (I’m not going to call it ‘contributing’ here- let’s face it, it is sugar coating the fact they are giving you cash.)
Now I am well practiced at accepting my parent’s generosity. Over the last few years I have “borrowed” money from them to pay bills, buy essentials and generally survive student-dom second time round. But accepting money for Pretty Things? I am struggling. I fell in love with a £67 wedding dress. My mum bought me it. I expected my dad to be thrilled. He was not. They are concerned I am short-changing myself to save them money. I don’t think I am, but between us Boyfriend and I have wracked up an impressive 18 years of student life, so being cheap and having lower expectations is fairly deeply ingrained.
Where my family said ‘we have x amount to spend on a wedding, tell us what you need,’ Boyfriend’s family have said ‘how much is x costing you? Ok, here’s a cheque.’ Both methods are equally appreciated, and I cannot quite believe how fortunate we are to have so many people around us who like us enough to give us money. Even my wee granny is paying for our invitations. I did draw the line there, said ‘no thank you’ and promptly got a mouthful about how ‘it’s her money and she’ll do what she damn well pleases with it, and refusing is offensive.’ I let her pay- she’s a scary lady when she wants to be.**
The second reason the ‘paying for it ourselves’ comments cause mini-meltdowns is that whilst we are paying for some of our wedding ourselves, what that really means is Boyfriend is paying for it.
I am paying for no part of our wedding.
I’m a student, he has a good job. He has savings, I have wiped mine out- and not even on cheap vodka and New Look high heels like I did at uni first time round. It feels strange to me to look at blogs or pretty pictures, see things I like and know that someone else will pay for it if I decide to go ahead. The plus side of this is that I REALLY have to love something to go ahead. The downside is that I over-analyse the value every detail will give the day.
The current cause of my nytol addiction – do I want a make up artist and hairdresser for the day? This simple question invites company – do I need it? Do my bridesmaids need it? Who will I ask to pay for it? Can I justify asking someone to pay for it? What is a reasonable amount to ask them to pay? Should I just do it myself? Will I have to buy fancy make up? Can I afford fancy make up? As of yet, this remains undecided.
Did anyone else find themselves in the same situation? We’re down to 5 months to go now, so the end is in sight, but I’d love your tips on spending other people’s money with an easy conscience. And if anyone says ‘you should have waited and saved up yourself’, I’ll punch them.
* I hope no one is offended by this- I know that really works for some. It just wouldn’t have worked for us.
** I’m fully aware this isn’t a real problem. But then again not many things in wedding planning are…