One Year Later…

The first post I wrote for Clare and Any Other Wedding was a semi-rant about the frequency with which I was asked ‘Does it feel different now that you’re married?!’ I talked about how it wasn’t different, not for us. How we loved each other so very much already that it couldn’t possibly have gotten any better.

A year on from our wedding, 9 months or so after I wrote that piece, I find myself forced to reconsider my impassioned outpourings. Life absolutely is different now. My life, our lives, have changed completely. We have faced health scares, we are battling infertility. There have been fights and wonderful holidays, new lives and new friendships. The girl (woman?) who writes this post is an entirely changed being from the innocent, earnest, doe-eyed newlywed of 12 months ago.

On the less-frequent occasion that we are asked nowadays how our lives have changed, we find ourselves struggling to answer. We are older, physically and emotionally. We have experienced emotions we had no knowledge of until recently, both good and bad. We talk about the future using ‘If’, not ‘When’. We are more cautious in our planning, less cautious in showing our love for one another. We know more. About life, love and each other. About our ability to keep going through the very worst of life when we know that there is worse still to come. We know that we can do this, if we do it together.

Did marriage change my life? I am not as ready and willing to say ‘No’ as I was a year ago. Nor am I confident that it definitely did. I know that my life has changed irrevocably in the last 12 months, but wouldn’t it have been the same even if we hadn’t said ‘I Do’ that muggy afternoon in June? Wouldn’t we be plowing through the same crap (for want of a better expression!) with or without the wedding rings? Who knows?

What I do know is that this first year of marriage has been the very best and worst of my life. There have been times when we’ve laughed until we’ve cried together, times that we’ve spent the entire day in bed only getting up to refresh the teapot. I know that these times have made us who we are. I know that whilst we could have done without the dozens of sleepless nights, countless doctors visits and seemingly endless streams of tears, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Categories: Life Experience, Marriage
12 interesting thoughts on this


  1. Fee
    Posted June 21, 2011 at 9:29 am | Permalink

    Aisling, what a lovely lovely post – I think that you are so brave for talking about not only the wonderful side your first year but also the challenges.

    If more people were honest, I think the world would be a better place without all the pressure to be having it all, all the time.

    And that photo makes me a bit teary!

  2. Posted June 21, 2011 at 9:40 am | Permalink

    For all the glorious ups, there are sinking lows….we've started to realise that too and we haven't faced the challenges you have.

    Another beautiful post my love


  3. Posted June 21, 2011 at 10:16 am | Permalink

    You are such a powerful writer. And humble, as well. It's a good mix, A.

  4. Posted June 21, 2011 at 10:21 am | Permalink

    What a touching post. And I wish you all the luck for the future too. I'm sure the age old saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" comes to mind when reading this moving post, you are a brilliant writer. xx

  5. Posted June 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm | Permalink

    We are 8 months out from our wedding and even now I am recognizing that things have definitely changed. When we first got married, it seemed ridiculous that people asked us if anything felt different. Why should it – we'd already been living together for 4 years! How could things possibly change? But they have. We have. Individually and as a couple. And through the good times and the bad times, it makes me so very happy to recognize those changes. Fantastic post.

  6. Posted June 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm | Permalink

    I'm going to throw a spanner in the works here – I'm just over 2 weeks married and I genuinely think it does feel different. In a very subtle way. It's like we've both suddenly relaxed. Although maybe that's not having to worry about the wedding anymore… (and by the way I'm no less sick of people asking me if it feels different, it's relentless! And more than a bit personal…)

    Beautiful, moving post. I agree with Fee, life throws a lot at us and we're expected to stoically battle on and keep our heads held up. More often than not the things you want the most don't come easily. It's good to know you have that other person there to remind you how much they couldn't love you anymore, every step of the way.


  7. Posted June 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm | Permalink

    I love reading your posts Aisling and I'm so proud to call you my friend, not in a boastful you'resocool way (though you are).

    But because you're real and no matter what life throws at you (even when it tries to break you up into a hundred pieces) it won't ever take away a teensy weensy part of what makes you who you are x

  8. Posted June 21, 2011 at 4:47 pm | Permalink

    This is nice to know, I'd like to hope that I'll feel different once I'm married (otherwise it's a hell of a waste of money!) but didn't know if I actually would.

    On infertility issues, boyfriends brother and his wife are going through this and it breaks my heart. Good luck to you x

  9. Posted June 21, 2011 at 6:25 pm | Permalink

    Aisling I loved your first post, it so struck a chord with me and confirmed that this blog would be a Rachel type place (whatever that may be.) Wow what a first year you've had all love to you both.
    Now off to contemplate how my thoughts may have developed on this subject, having reread my comment to that post.

  10. Posted June 21, 2011 at 6:38 pm | Permalink

    This is your year my darling, I know it. Any one who writes that beautifully, and with that level of honesty deserves some good luck.

    I hate to get all soppy on you, but I'm so honoured that you want to be my friend.


  11. Posted June 22, 2011 at 9:52 am | Permalink

    Ladies, as ever, you've made my day with your comments! Your support and general awesomeness is hands down the best thing about blogging. Without a doubt.

    Love to all x

  12. Esme
    Posted June 22, 2011 at 12:13 pm | Permalink

    Just sending love xx

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Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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