5 reasons I could NEVER live on my own.

I am a smart, savvy, independent and grounded woman. I don’t take bullsh*t from anyone (except my Mother), I’m a sarcastic mare and I have experienced a fair bit in my 23 years. I can change a tyre, plumb in a washing machine and make a mean lasagne. I enjoy time on my own, whether it be wallowing in the bath, watching re-runs of NCIS or pottering around the garden. I’m a happy camper, basically.

However. Last night I watched Phil strip all the software from our computer, ‘resolve’ 74 viruses it had picked up and re-install all our software. In 20 minutes. Whilst playing Call of Duty and taking mouthfuls of fish pie alternately with his free hand. Now, I’m a quick learner-see above points re. tyres and washing machines. Show me once and as long as I understand the process, you’ll never have to show me again. Understanding is the key for me. If I don’t/can’t understand something, I CANNOT learn how to do it. And so I watched my husband perform what, to me, resembled open-heart surgery on our poor computer, and I marveled. And then realised that I would be properly fiddled if I lived on my own and my computer got a virus. Which led me to think about all the other reasons I couldn’t live by myself.
This isn’t a deep and meaningful list by any stretch of the imagination. It is an immensely practical one though and has made me super glad that I do live with someone…who just happens to be the love of my life and my best friend. And a whizz with computers.

Reason 1.
I’d be living mostly without any modern technology. Because if I had any fancy pants tech besides an iPhone, as soon as it broke/got a virus/needed re-booting, that’d be it. Bye Bye.

Reason 2.
I’d have to buy my lunch EVERY DAY. This would be mostly due to my horrific short-term memory. (Does 12 hours count as short-term?) Every evening I either make up a packed lunch or tupperware up leftovers from dinner ready to take to work like the good-wifey-on-a-budget that I am. And every morning I leave it in the fridge and go to work. Every. Morning. So on the mornings where he leaves before me, Phil takes my lunch out of the fridge and leaves it somewhere I can’t miss it. Usually protruding from my shoes by the front door. Even on his days off, whilst I’m in the bath he’ll go downstairs and get my lunch out for me. True Love. Or True Awareness That I’ll Spend ¬£5 In Starbucks Every Day If I Get The Chance.

Reason 3.
I’d have to do the washing up. I maintain that I have an actual phobia of washing up. I was washing a glass 5 years ago and had my hand inside it doing the ‘squeegee the bottom to get the crap off’ movement, when it cracked. One trip to A&E;, 19 stitches and a kitchen that looked like a set from Psycho later, I vowed never to do the washing up again. Seriously, it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

Reason 4.
I’d have to go in the loft. Spiders. Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis big. ‘Nuff said.

Reason 5.
I’d never get to eat homemade Rhubarb and Custard boiled sweets. It’s the sugar thermometors/boiling points/cooling times nonsense. I don’t UNDERSTAND so therefore I cannot LEARN to make them myself. Pish.

So there you have it. 5 frivolous and silly but ultimately completely true and serious reasons why I couldn’t live on my own. Or rather, why I couldn’t live without my husband!

And just because I finally found the camera cable, Phil and I on our honeymoon in Paris. Swooooooon. I also couldn’t live without him because he’s so frigging beautiful. Shallow, moi?!

Categories: Life Experience, Marriage
8 interesting thoughts on this

8 Comments

  1. Posted December 16, 2010 at 7:06 am | Permalink

    Your washing up bloodbath (ouch!) reminded me of the time I learnt how not to use a microplaner. My husband now does all our microplaning and I LOVE him for that xxx

    (That's not the exclusive list but I'm trying to eat my porridge and type this)

  2. Posted December 16, 2010 at 9:26 am | Permalink

    I too have suffered a washing up bloodbath scenario. Bad times.

    But without all the other reasons, pure gorgeousness is good enough for me too. Even if Future Husband has taken Movember to beard-december x

  3. Posted December 16, 2010 at 9:42 am | Permalink

    Ok… this officially proves my point. I am going to print it off and stick it up on the fridge..

    WASHING UP IS DANGEROUS.

    I too have had the washing up bloodbath scenario – surely this is a case for washing up to be banned due to health and safety concerns?! I may just start a campaign.

    I point blank refuse to do the washing up – it's the one chore I just can't/wont do. We have a dishwasher but Andy INSISTS on washing up rather than using it, so I INSIST that I can't be involved in that, due to risks to my health (and also, it's just…eugh…dirty foody smelly water….EUGH…it's making me gag a little bit just thinking about it – but that's not as good an excuse as IT'S DANGEROUS). Thank you ladies for making my day, and giving me the ammuntion needed to forever get me out of washing up duty.

  4. Posted December 16, 2010 at 9:44 am | Permalink

    Oh…and my reason for being unable to live on my own – we live on the top floor of an 8 floor building, with no lift, and I SWEAR to god, if Andy wasn't there to carry the weekly shop up the stairs, I'd be living on only LIGHT things. Like marshmallows.

  5. Posted December 16, 2010 at 10:40 am | Permalink

    Definitely with you all on the washing up front. We have an arrangement whereby whoever cooks doesn't have to wash up. Unsurprisingly, I do most of the cooking….and Matthew often accuses me of doing it to avoid washing up. Who, me?

    It's funny – I go off on research trips for a month (or longer) at a time, and in many ways relish the opportunity to be by myself, mainly because I get to think of myself as "Emma G, intrepid travel writer" (though obviously I wouldn't complain if M came with me), but leave me in our house alone for 12 hours (or, shudder, overnight) and I start climbing the walls. And if I don't have someone (well, M) there to make me tea in the morning before I go to work then my whole day goes belly up.

  6. SVK
    Posted December 16, 2010 at 1:44 pm | Permalink

    Bins. You forgot bins Aisling.
    'Bin juice' is one of my biggest fears, therefore my man is offcially in charge of 'Waste Management'. Amazingly, once I'd given him the title, he seemed to revel in it, and religiously gets stuck in with the bins.

  7. Posted December 16, 2010 at 2:25 pm | Permalink

    @SVK Yucckety yuck yuck yuck – bin juice is another one of my 'things' – actually it is anything 'old food' related. I love my food, but I have a real problem with touching it after I've eaten. Is that weird. Ok, I know it's weird. for example, the juice from baked beans left on a plate – ENOUGH TO MAKE ME GAG. The delicious curry we had the night before – the next morning, couldn't go near it with a barge pole. I'm sure that that is one of my reasons for not being able to do the washing up – it's full of…….foood…..euch.

  8. Posted December 17, 2010 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    Those are 5 very cute reasons indeed.

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Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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