Wise words from a wise lady…

I cannot tell you how excited I was when the lovely Anna K (of RMW fame – again), agreed to write me a post from the ‘other side’, being a nearly old married of one and a half years.. She is one wise lady, and not only that she manages to be eloquent, intelligent, and super lovely as well. Which makes me sort of jealous. But also pretty damn proud that she agreed to write a post about what she wished she’d known before the wedding, so that all of us still to progress into marriagedom can learn from her wisdom.

And she has come up trumps.

Get a cup of tea, sit down, and learn from the master…
What I wish I’d known

My name’s Anna K, and I’ve been married for a year and a half. Not quite “old married”, not quite able to dole out patronising relationship advice to my single friends (would result in a slap), not quite long enough to have fully earned the title of Mrs – let’s face it, we’ve not even got to the hard part yet.
So I’ll talk about what I do know. And that is; 18 months on from my wedding; what mattered. What was worth it, what wasn’t, what I wish I’d known, what I still don’t.
Because if someone had told me this before my wedding, I would maybe, just maybe, have been less of an emotional train-wreck. Hindsight, eh?
The ceremony never goes away. So savour it. There are parts of my ceremony that are overwhelmingly clear to me. They come in quiet moments. If I concentrate hard, I can remember our vows. I can remember exactly how I felt when I said those words. I can remember how Mr K said them loud, and clear, and how I said them quietly, and how that was funny because I’m usually the loudmouth.
I can remember how, when Mr K took my hand to put on my ring, my palms were sweaty.
I can remember seeing nothing, nothing but him. He’s not one for sentiment or exaggeration, but I’ve never seen him look so happy, or proud.

The dress, believe it or not, is just a dress. I haven’t wanted to put my dress on again. Not once. It had its day, it served its purpose, that corset gave me a body and a half and for that I love it but it means very little to me now.
Do-it-yourself is worth every second. I hand-made all our invitations. It was a labour of love, and it took hours, and I wrote all the names and addresses in calligraphy and wax-sealed all the envelopes long into the winter nights, and I know I could have scrawled the date and “will you?” on the back of a postcard and it would have served the same purpose. But my friend said “I feel like your invitation was delivered by owl”, and owls don’t deliver postcards.
If I had the two weeks before my wedding back, I would do the right thing. I spent hours, and days, in despair prior to our wedding over our lack of “theme”. I had no vintage, I had no back garden, I had no summer fair bunting, I had no colour scheme. I was convinced that our lack of these would display to the world my complete disconnect from my husband to be, and that our impending union was ill-fated. No style for our stationary? No co-ordinating centrepieces? No favours? I desperately wish I could have had those hours back. Desperately. I would have spent them with Mr K, laughing, on the sofa, in bed, in the run-up to the wedding. I swear I don’t even remember what our table plan looked like. That’s how little all that stuff mattered to me on the day. And that’s the stuff that caused me the most grief.

You will need a written reminder of why you are married. Whenever I have an argument with Mr K, I sulk in the living room, usually on the sofa. He goes and sits on the computer and plays some weird medieval-world computer game. Whilst I am on the sofa, I reach for the white book. The white book is our guest book. I read our guest book, cover to cover, and I never fail to be humbled, and moved, by the wisdom and the wit and the humanity of our friends and family. I then always go and say sorry, because I remember why we did it.
Your family can upstage you. And that’s okay. Any time anyone mentions my wedding, someone mentions my dad’s speech. It’s like living a certain Daphne du Maurier novel.
You do NOT need to do something “quirky” or “different”. I think we might have been the only wedding in history to name out tables after owls and cats from literature. For good reason.
You can budget on everything else. You can’t budget on moments captured. I know photography and albums cost money. I know how difficult it is to part with that money. But do not compromise on your photographer. They are worth every penny. I cannot describe the hours of sheer joy my photographs have given me. After my husband, my photographs are what I would save from a fire. I flick open my album and I am back there, living the day that started the rest of my life.

 

Post-wedding is better than wedding will ever be. Every single day I look at Mr K and think…I found a good one. He is not perfect. I am not perfect. But life is an adventure that we’re on together, and the wedding didn’t change that, or change the course of our adventure to be more profound. It just got me a ring, some amazing photos and a kick-ass surname.

It’s me, Aisling. The intro is from Fliss but as I added the pics to this piece I couldn’t leave it without adding my own thoughts. As an aside, Anna sent me 5 pictures with the P.S ‘you don’t have to use them’. I had to use all 5. All 5 make my spine tingle and give me goosebumps. Here is a lady who had the day of her life, with the man who completes her life. What else should a wedding be?
Anna and I have known each other for less than 6 months, yet I am so very proud to have her incredible writing here on our little blog and even more proud to be able to call her my friend.
Show her some love ladies!

Categories: Life Experience, Marriage, Wedding Reports, Written By Anna
10 interesting thoughts on this

9 Comments

  1. Posted November 9, 2010 at 9:04 am | Permalink

    I needed to hear this today yesterday it was all feeling to much I love knowing that most of what I'm stressing about I shouldn't because I won't even remember it.
    Thank you
    xxxx

  2. Posted November 9, 2010 at 9:48 am | Permalink

    Love this! Your faces in the photos are just beaming with joy, and that last pic is just stunning – you look like a forties film star!

    I am nodding in 100% agreement with the dress – I haven't even picked it up from the dry cleaner's yet; the sweaty palms; the theme – ask anyone at our wedding and they wouldn't have even noticed the mild Alice in Wonderland thing going on.

    We are clearly kindred couples on the argument front! Except Patrick is more inclined towards Angry Birds at the mo.

    Readers know how I feel about the photography :) The eyes of people who love you at the viewfinder can be worth hours of post-production and artistic skill.

    The DIY – if you are creative, there's no limit to the beauty you can create. But for some of us, it doesn't matter how many hours we spend slaving at the guillotine, with the glue dots, and with funky hole punches. Thinking about my home-made invitations still makes me cringe. People were sweet, but I still feel like I did the time my friend and I tried to sell shell necklaces door to door.

    I think your conclusion is perfect. Being married is awesome, and it's the adventure ahead that's so unbelievably exciting. :)

  3. Posted November 9, 2010 at 10:26 am | Permalink

    This is lovely, and just what I needed whilst in the midst of guest list woe.

    We dont have a theme either. I like polka dots. He likes Star Wars. As my lovely OH says, we dont need a theme. The day about us, so it's just the things we like. And yes, there is a way to incorporate Star Wars in to a wedding without being complete nerds. I did draw the line at coming down the aisle to the Death March…

  4. Posted November 9, 2010 at 1:15 pm | Permalink

    I love Anna K she has been a good blog friend for a while now, it's wonderful to read some of her wise words as she is excellent with language, and she looks like Angelina Jolie (i know she hates it when i say that but she does!)Brains and beauty it's a rare thing!

    I wanna see more of Anna K (err not in a gay sense, but of the written word sense!)

    Jen xx

  5. Anna K
    Posted November 9, 2010 at 7:27 pm | Permalink

    Thank you ladies, you have well and truly made my day after a stressful driving lesson on a winter's night in London rush hour!
    LWLM, I take your Star Wars and raise you Call of Duty. 'Mare. A do love a good theme, but with perspective!
    (Jen – I look like AJ after a year's worth of junk food and badly fitting underwear.)

  6. Roz
    Posted November 9, 2010 at 11:34 pm | Permalink

    Beautifully written piece. Anna that picture of you coming down the stairs is utterly amazing :0) x

  7. Posted November 10, 2010 at 8:56 pm | Permalink

    'not quite long enough to have fully earned the title of Mrs' That sentence has just clarified for me why saying Mrs doesn't quite fit – but yet Miss isn't right either.
    So so true about the ceremony.

  8. Posted November 11, 2010 at 12:12 am | Permalink

    anna is so right about the cermony – savour it and relish in it and take snapshots.

    i didn't think it would be my most favorite part of our wedding, but it really was.

    wise words, lady.

  9. Amezeylady
    Posted November 12, 2010 at 8:29 pm | Permalink

    Hey my darling gorgeous lady.

    I just want you to know I just read this and I've had a really hard day, and you have just made me cry in front of my husband – this is such a beautiful article.

    I am so proud of you for being my friend and for being the amazing lady that made this day the incredible time it was.

    Ands for everyone else – it was just as perfect as Mrs K says it was :) .

    Love you darling xxxxxx

One Trackback

  • By We need YOU on February 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    [...] and who have a wealth of advice to share. Tell us about it, about what you learned, about what you wish you’d known and about what was important. Tell us about your day, and what you hope for for the ever [...]

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

About

Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

More here.

image by Lucy Stendall Photography

Find me a random post

Find:

Follow: