The word I hate the most.

Via here
There is nothing that quite gets my goat, like the random use of the word ‘bridezilla’ for any bride who happens to give a sh/t about her wedding. Actually, the whole concept of a ‘bridezilla’ and how it is used now really gets my goat.
I totally appreciate that there are some brides who take it too far, and use the wedding as an excuse to bawl, scream and shout until they get what they want – but in fairness, those types of brides are likely to be those type of women in day to day life, and it is just intensified by the wedding process. 
Most women however are just trying to bring together an event. And that on it’s own is pretty stressful if you are not an event planner extraordinaire (ummm..that would be me then). Throw into the mix some family politics, some preconceptions about what a wedding should be like (both on the bride and grooms part, and  by literally EVERYBODY else who you meet along the way and happen to mention that you are engaged to), an emotional investment like no other, and the fact that most of us are trying to do this while holding down sometimes pretty stressful full time jobs, and generally leading the hectic lives that we’ve created for ourselves, is it a surprise that we get a little stressed along the way?
If someone was organising a huge surprise party for someone, with 100 guests, two venues, and literally everything down to the choice of flippin’ paper or linen napkins, would they get called a partyzilla if they were worried about everyone having a good time and enjoying themselves. I think not. 
If someone was arranging a similar level event for work, with little to no prior experience, and no staff whatsoever, wouldn’t they get a little stressed when suppliers don’t call them back?
So yes, it does wind me up when I see people being ‘outed’ as being a ‘bridezilla’ for caring about how their day looks, or that all of the 100 (widely varying in age and outlook) people who are attending will have a good time.
Believe me, I am a big believer in not sweating the small stuff. I love the indie wedding look (which actually, takes just as long, if not longer to create than a matchy matchy wedding doesn’t it). I have not (to my face anyway) been accused of being a bridezilla. Yet. But I do wish that we didn’t all feel that we have to apologise for caring about our wedding, and wanting it to run smoothly, for people to enjoy themselves, and for it to look ‘nice’*.
Lets all just give each other a little bit of slack, yes?**
* Whatever ‘nice’ may be to you. Be it english country garden fete stylee, or neo-gothic rock chick stylee.
** I’m aware actually that MOST people who bandy the word around willy-nilly are the ones who have never actually planned a wedding themselves. But I’ve seen evidence of women using it for brides who just care about different parts of the wedding than they do. And that’s just not on.***

*** In my humble yet vocal opinion.
Categories: Politics and Feminism, Wedding Planning
8 interesting thoughts on this

7 Comments

  1. Posted October 19, 2010 at 1:33 pm | Permalink

    hear hear

    :D

  2. Posted October 19, 2010 at 2:50 pm | Permalink

    Totally agree! The assumption that getting married turns women into weirdos is very frustrating – just see that video comment posted the other day!

    A couple we're friends with got engaged four months after us, and married four months before. We were eachother's bridesmaids, and the boys, who are schoolfriends, were groomsmen. Unfortunately, the rest of their school bunch spent what seemed like forever about that stupid Bride Wars film. In the end, our weddings were very different in style and feel, and were lots of fun – there is no reason to compete!

    Having said that, if you've ever ventured over to any of the big three UK wedding forums, you will see that that sort of person is more common that you'd think.

  3. Posted October 19, 2010 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

    Love it my sister is currently planning her wedding and my mother who resuses to help any one call her this all the time to every one!! really angers me!
    xxxx

  4. Posted October 19, 2010 at 7:27 pm | Permalink

    I've never thought about it quite like this before. I agree it's a not a great word and kind, generous and intelligent women are now scared of having that label wacked on their (be-veiled) heads. I guess the thing is to ignore the label and focus on how you can be more at ease with your wedding and to try and keep the details, which most would agree are the main source of stress in planning, in perspective and to a minimum. Or to delegate. Or to hire a wedding planner xxx ps. I didn't do any of these things and I also don't know how to take my own advice – eek!

  5. Posted October 20, 2010 at 12:18 am | Permalink

    i was called a bridezilla and it made my blood boil. i had a few tantrums, but nothing absurd or unusual. i mean, planning a party is stressful and even when i showed the tiniest bit of frustration it was all, "OMG! Stop being a bridezilla!" SOOOOOOOO! Not only was I called a bridezilla, my feelings were discounted and I was told to knock it off.

    Yuck. Still get steamed about that. But whatevs. :)

    It's amazing how quickly people are willing to put you into a label, especially when you're a bride. If we care too much, we're a bridezilla. If we care too little, then there must be something wrong with us.

  6. Posted October 20, 2010 at 12:24 am | Permalink

    Dude. for real.
    There's this conundrum…that yeah, brides might be a little more stressed during the wedding..but aren't people a little more demanding and stressful and, frankly, annoying to the couple during the weeks leading up to the wedding?

    They're creating "bridezillas" with their impatience and irritating questions and what not!

    In short: Yes.

  7. Posted July 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm | Permalink

    Agreed!
    I hate it that people (cos I heard the term Groomzilla used lately!) are accused of caring too much about the event which will hopefully only take place once in your life!
    And for those with fussy friends/family members… They have the right to be all the more stressed.

    Zoe x

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  • [...] think this should be more about my general wedding feelings, my plans to re-appropriate the word ‘Bridezilla’ because it is just the most frustrating word ever. So come mid- September and I thought I was [...]

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Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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