A Question…

So. We’re all about the caring and sharing here on AOW, especially these last few days. You gorgeous lot have help Fliss out with her escort cards and family photo problems and I’m sure lots of you were super-excited for Theresa over at BrideOnTime who got married on Saturday! Basically, you’re all a bundle of loveliness, cleverness, general creativity and all-round-fabulousness. And now I’ve buttered you all up, I need your help. Purdy purdy please…?!

I’ll explain my…issue, I think is the best word. It’s certainly not a problem, it’s really quite inconsequential to be honest and there are far greater things in my life that I need to worry about right now-but this is the one that is peeving me off the most. Am SUCH  a drama queen. So here is the issue.

Soon after our wedding was featured over on the scrummy RMW our genius photographer received an e-mail from a national wedding publication. (A magazine-I’m trying to vague and mysterious…and not b*tchy!) They were very much liking our wedding, which was nice, and wanted to feature it in an upcoming issue of their mag. YAY! I was giddy with excitement, told everyone we know-and some people we don’t and set about picking aaallllllllll my favourite shots for when we became famous.
Fast forward a few months, some e-mails and a bit of thumb-twiddling later…it’s not being featured. For a few reasons…which I can’t go into properly but it’s all down to politics. You know that snipey, witchy side to the Wedding Industry that we’ve all caught glimpses of at one point? It was that, in full force. I was upset for a day or so, more disappointed than anything and a teeny bit embarrassed at having to tell everyone we weren’t going to be in a magazine after all. Ooopsy. It was all good in the end, I vowed never to buy a wedding magazine again (not that I’ve bought one since January of this year…besides the point.) I had a good ol’ b*tch with my engaged girlfriends and that was that. I moved on. (As I said-drama queen!)


A recent e-mail from said publication arrives. ‘Blah blah…we hate real brides who do work themselves…blah blah….we don’t want your wedding….blah blah Oh but we’d still like to use some of your images, is that ok? Great.’

Um. Pardon? (Real ladies don’t say ‘what?’ my Mum says.) I got all up on my high horse, giving it attitude that I very definitely cannot carry off and generally getting all high pitched and indignant. Now, I have to reiterate-I KNOW this isn’t a proper problem in the grand scheme of life. But it’s irritating and that’s enough. My question to you wise, wonderful ladies is this. Am I cutting my nose off to spite my face? Am I being too much of a drama queen? (Yes.) Should I just be pleased that our awesome pics will be ‘out there’ and in a magazine at all? And in summary, should I say yes? (NB Phil’s reaction to this ‘issue’ is ‘Whatever you think is best baby…’)

Please help me. I’ve thought about this so much that I’m now incapable of making a sensible decision. Just sitting here dribbling and rocking. My husband’s a lucky man.

Categories: Behind the Scenes at AOW
11 interesting thoughts on this


  1. Posted October 17, 2010 at 10:38 pm | Permalink

    ?! Sorry, in your commendable efforts not to be bitchy I've become a bit confused. Did they actually say "we hate real brides who do work themselves" – i.e. we hate you?! As in, because of your blog? I just don't follow. Anyway, it seems as though they have been unpleasant to you but they still want you to give them the images – which you, presumably have paid handsomely for – for free, to fill the pages of the magazine. To which I would say, er, no. You would have been doing them a favour by allowing them to feature your fabulous wedding and frankly I wouldn't work with a publication that gives you icky feelings in your tummy. If you want to be featured in a magazine I'm sure that another publication will snap you up, send out some emails. x

  2. Posted October 17, 2010 at 10:40 pm | Permalink

    Honey, no you aren't being a drama queen, and omg weddings so shouldn't get political. I had enough of that with nursing.
    I feel it is a little 2 faced of them to expect to use your images after rejecting ur wedding.
    As with ur wedding, you and hubz are the ones in control, so we can't make decision for you but IMO I would say no to them.

  3. Alice
    Posted October 17, 2010 at 10:44 pm | Permalink

    So they wouldn't feature your wedding because you, your friends and family, did the work to make your wedding personal and what you wanted your day to be, but they do want to show your pictures in the magazine in some way without crediting that it is your wedding.

    Personally I think that is really rude of them. I know that it is awesome they love the pics, but refusing real weddings which have been done with a bit of DIY is pants (best word I can think of!)and that a DIY wedding can't be aspirational for other brides is just ludicrous. You just have to look at the contents of Rock My Wedding and how often its the personal touches that make the wedding.

    So I say keep with the indignation and don't let them! Doesn't stop you telling people they wanted them.

    P.S your wedding pics were lovely and looked like everyone enjoyed the day.

  4. Posted October 17, 2010 at 11:00 pm | Permalink

    I think you need to write a little more about why you think they didn't feature your wedding…we'd all like to know and share your idignation.

    And of course hell no, tell them they can "feature" the thing or not, sorry!

  5. Posted October 18, 2010 at 2:30 am | Permalink

    i'm with kerry. they sound like crapfaces.

    i understand it's an industry and a business and they can pick and choose what they like, so they probably don't care whose feelings they hurt or who they upset… and you are not being a drama queen at all.

    this makes me want to growl.

  6. Posted October 18, 2010 at 1:43 pm | Permalink

    I agree! Tell them to stick it. They are being exceptionally cheeky asking to use your pictures without any recognition to your suppliers. Wedding magazines include two types of photos – real weddings/suppliers for which they acknowledge all suppliers involved, or those for which they have to pay. They are simply trying to get a freebie.

    The blog world's effect on the print industry is so crazy. You'd think that if loads of amateurs start doing something well and for free, the professionals would be like "jeez – we'd better sharpen up our act and start treating people well, writing decent articles, etc". Instead, magazines appear to have got worse, and the quality of journalism is in steady decline!

  7. Posted October 18, 2010 at 8:06 pm | Permalink

    You ladies are the greatest. Thanks so much for not treating me like the drama-queen imbecile I am!

    You're all spot on, I'm 'manning up' and saying No.

    Pppfffflllltttthhhh! (That was me blowing a raspberry to the wedding mag people!)


  8. Posted October 18, 2010 at 9:18 pm | Permalink

    Sorry I have only just seen this post and
    I am furious I can't believe how bloody snobby the wedding magazine people are. How dare they put all your hopes up and then decide even though your wedding was stunning and obviously looks stunning otherwise they wouldnt want to use your photographs but because it wasnt done by "professionals" its not worthy! That is so rude and why I hate a lot to do with the wedding industry it is starting to change (alot to do with blogs) but these magazines need to realize if they dont catch up with what is going on with the blogs they are going to be seriously left behind with no readers! Not eveyone wants to spend a small fortune on their wedding and a lot of people want a more personal style wedding that they have put together and worked on themselves not by some strangers!
    I'm glad to see you didnt give in to them well done and a big raspberry from me to them too!

  9. Posted October 18, 2010 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

    Grrrrgh this post made me mad and sad. Aisling, I would have been just like you and told everyone I knew I was going to be in a glossy. They dangled the carrot and then took it away, and that is just mean. The pooheads!

    Glad you decided to say no, hopefully lots more people see your wedding in the RMW archives. It will be found by nice people who will appreciate and love it for the very reasons the magazine decided not to feature it!

    Lucy xx

  10. Posted October 19, 2010 at 11:01 am | Permalink

    Do you mean that they don't want your wedding because you did too much diy?

    So confused. If that is the case that is appalling! Name and shame!

  11. Posted October 19, 2010 at 7:10 pm | Permalink

    Hi lovely ladies, me again!

    To clarify, obviously it's down to the editor what weddings get featured, so there's a great deal of personal opinion involved…I'm not saying for one second that everyone has to love my weddding-of course not!
    The impression I have been left with, and with pretty good reason-is that the epic DIYness and 'everyone in' aspects of our wedding didn't tally with the ethos of the mag. Fair Do's.
    As lots of you scrummies have pointed out-the wedding industry is changing and the mags need to move with the times.
    Do you feel empowered?! I feel empowered…!

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Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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image by Lucy Stendall Photography

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