Any Other Woman

24 May 2013 by Anna

Any Other Photo {Emilie and John}

This AOP makes me grin. A lot. It was taken seven years ago and is full of adventure and excitement and memories. It was taken by chance. It’s full of secrets. It hasn’t been shared and liked and wallpapered ad infiniutm. It’s loved for what it is. I love that I look at this picture and feel like I can see that moment, on a busy street in New York, with everyone going about their daily business, and then Emilie and John, not a care in the world.

Perfection. Over to you, Emilie:

Well, this all started with a bit of Twitter banter. Oh that lovely new blog thing I’ve been reading needs wedding photos! Yes, I’ve got a cool picture! Send it in? Why not, I mean it’s not like you’ll want to………..Oooooh you want to use it? And I’ve got to write something witty or touching or powerful about the meaning of life, relationships, men and women together in matrimonial bliss overcoming adversity at every turn……………Ah. Bugger.

This photo is one of those pictures that means a lot to me, but it is rarely seen. It hasn’t been shared on Facebook for people to ‘like’. It hasn’t been posted onto Twitter for my friends and random admirers to coo over. We never did get around to having it blown up and put onto canvas to decorate our flat. It may be languishing on a CD in a drawer, but it also nestles in a warm spot in my memory, glowing gently.

It was a complete fluke. The 2 previous shots are one of the street looking the other way, then one of us pulling dodgy faces mid-sentence. Then BAM. The most perfect, atmospheric, simple, gentle kiss shot you ever did see.

Categories: Any Other Photo
14 interesting thoughts on this

23 May 2013 by Clare

Wisdom, work and wedding dresses

Readers, we have a new series starting today, and we think you’re going to enjoy it. The lovely Rachel is starting a business, and she’s taking us along on her journey. She writes brilliantly here about her inspiration for the business, and in her life, and I am already looking forward to hearing more about the realities of setting up your own business (because, how many of us have fantasised about setting up our own business and working for ourselves, and not really thought through how hard it will actually be? Me.) Rachel has promised to be honest, and to give us an insiders view into the real life of starting a business – both practically, and emotionally, and if this post is anything to go by, we’re in for a good series.

Oh, and on top of all the wisdom, and advice, did I mention that the business is a vintage wedding dress boutique? So. Much. Pretty.

Rach, welcome:

I’m Rachel and in October of last year I launched my very own business, a bridal boutique specialising in vintage and handmade gowns and accessories (I still can’t quite say that without squealing a little!). I really wanted to document the journey I’ve been on to get to this stage, and this post is a small part of that process – thank you to Clare, Aisling and Anna for the opportunity to share it with all of you lovely AOWers!

I’m often asked where I get my drive from. The answer is pretty easy – it’s absolutely from my Father, Tony. Tony left school at 16 to take up an apprenticeship in London in fixing fridges. After this, he took on a veg round with a greengrocer, delivering veg from a bike around Aberystwyth. (This was also when he met my mother, who apparently used to sit in the basket of the bike while he rode around!)

22 May 2013 by Clare

Being a survivor.

First things first; a little disclaimer: We don’t normally do this, but today we’re posting something that’s already been posted elsewhere. You can see the original piece here.

When Anna sent this in, she told us straight away that it had already been posted elsewhere, but after reading it, we knew we wanted to post it. It deserves posting, and the subject deserves awareness.

This is such a strong, powerful piece. When you read it, be prepared to feel anger, sadness, and then awe. Anger and sadness at what people can do to each other, and awe at the way people can survive and deal with these things that others do to them. Anna, you make us proud.

I am running the BUPA 10k this year at 10 o’clock on the 27^th May. It is the first professional race I have participated in and has come to represent a terribly important milestone in my life.

I am going to be raising money for Refuge, a charity that exists to help women and children who are suffering, or have suffered from domestic abuse. Please visit my page at www.JustGiving.com/Anna-Teresa to sponsor me, and help Refuge perform their vital work in the network of safe-houses they provide, as well as invaluable practical and emotional support for victims of abuse.

I have chosen this cause because I know first-hand what it is to live with domestic abuse. I know what it is to grow up with it. The damage it causes is irreparable. The scars are permanent. I used not to be able to look in the mirror without seeing someone disfigured with loneliness, guilt, and shame.

But I have discovered that some healing is possible and this realisation is one I feel I need to share urgently. I have begun to be able to look at my reflection and see myself appear out from underneath the shadow of my past, despite the fact that the spectre of my abuse, my abuser, can be discerned in the very shape of my face.

I put my progress down to the fact that I have started talking about it.

I believe that the ignorance there is around the matter of domestic abuse – what actually constitutes abuse, how common it is, the devastating and irreparable damage it leaves in its wake, how to recognise the signs, how to help – is due to the misapprehension that it should be kept as a private matter, behind closed doors. This attitude is dangerous and seriously compounds the damage. It means that people are not sufficiently equipped to either recognise or deal with it.

This is what happened to my family. We did not get help, we didn’t even think to ask. As a direct result of the secrecy and shame around our abusive home environment, it quietly and devastatingly became a normalised part of our lives. Not only that but something we felt we deserved, we had brought on ourselves, and needed to keep hidden away as a terrible guilty secret, hidden from even those closest to us. This is why I feel it is so desperately important that I speak out, so others might learn from our experiences, our mistakes, and happily, our progress!

At first I wanted to use my participation in this run as a means of starting to be open about a subject which has, until recently, been a debilitating personal secret. Now, I hope to achieve much more than that. My openness has already effected a dramatic positive change in my life. Through talking about it, I realise now that it was not my fault, that I did nothing wrong, that I should not feel ashamed. This was such a impossibly difficult realisation! Since beginning this process I have received constant validation that I do not/should not have to feel this way. More than that, this deep visceral shame which played havoc with my rational mind, is a reaction I share in common with many abuse victims, and so I need to feel less bad about that too! It is such a relief to discover that all the vices, negative thought patterns, destructive behaviours that one can fall foul of in situations such as this are not unique to oneself. They do not indicate a personal weakness or evil – quite the contrary – they in fact make you a rather text book case! They are, in fact, nothing but symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), caused by external events and thus eminently more excusable and forgivable than the dark and blackened soul I always believed I had been cursed with at birth and that lurked, brooding dark things, somewhere deep within my chest cavity.

Categories: Family, Friends and Relationships, Health, Life
7 interesting thoughts on this

21 May 2013 by Aisling

Behind Closed Doors – Career vs Motherhood

At Any Other Woman, you can talk about anything. Anything you want at all. Any subject, any time. We are proud to be able to provide that platform for you, it makes our hearts sing. But we do understand that sometimes there are topics that are too sensitive, too divisive, simply too hard to write about and broadcast without a second thought. No-one wants to hurt their loved ones unnecessarily and yet sometimes a story needs to be told.

This is your place for those subjects. A place for you to tell those tales you’d not considered telling before. No names, no justifications, no apologies.

You can send your BCD submissions to behindcloseddoors@live.co.uk and we promise that you’ll remain anonymous throughout the entire process.

For 10 years, I’ve worked hard to establish a career in a relatively new field – I’ve studied and worked hard to get to where I am. It’s also a role where I am often the only person in the company doing the job so in past roles, there has been no opportunity for development or progression.

But now, I work for a company who are actively planning my development – by the end of the year, I will lead a small team and take on a managerial role. It’s exciting and I feel positive about my career for the first time in 3 years. My manager is great – he’s understanding, motivational and completely honest and transparent. On paper it all looks pretty perfect.

There’s one complication. I desperately want to have children in the next 2 years. I swear I can hear my ovaries screaming at me to just get on with it already. And I always hoped that when I did have children, I would be working for a company who were supportive of that and who had flexible policies in place. Read More »

Categories: Behind Closed Doors
25 interesting thoughts on this

20 May 2013 by Aisling

Confessions of an Imperfect Bride

So many of you know and love Katie. She of Simplified Science and World’s Most Beautiful Smile fame. I loved Katie anyway, she’s pretty awesome. And then I read this. A wedding report with a whole paragraph on bum-clenching.

A wedding report that says, ‘hey, it’s ok’. Everything is ok.’ A wedding report written with such candour and joy that you’ll believe, you’ll know, that everything really IS ok.

I wanted to write this for two reasons. First, who doesn’t want to relive one of the happiest days of their lives? Second, I think there’s a lot of expectation out there not just about how you will feel about the run-up to your wedding but also about how you will feel on your wedding day, and I know I felt, still feel in fact, like I was a singularly rubbish bride by the standard expectations. Even in the run-up to our wedding, I knew I wasn’t always worrying about the ‘right things’. Someone asked me if I was worried that my Mum’s dress clashed horribly with the bridesmaid’s dresses, and I laughed. Our venue florist asked me if I had considered napkins in an accent colour and I looked so blank I think she was vaguely concerned for my mental health. I didn’t think about what to wear on my wedding morning until I packed my bag two days before, and even then I just picked the cleanest pyjamas with no holes in. And I don’t say this because I think my way is better, or worse. I just think it’s different to what is quite often portrayed by wedding blogs and magazines, a lot of what I read when I was engaged made me feel like I could never be a Proper Bride. A normal bride. And maybe, by those standards, I wasn’t, but I still loved my day. I had the time of my life, even though it was messy and silly and hilarious at times. So, here is my story. If nothing else, it will be honest, and if just one person reads this and feels a little bit more normal by the end, I’ll count that as a win. Actually if anyone even bothers reading to the end, I’ll count THAT as a win.

Categories: Becoming A Wife, Wedding Reports
29 interesting thoughts on this

18 May 2013 by Anna

Weekend Wonderings

I first saw this when India Knight tweeted it.

At first glance, it’s not typical AOW fare. Please bear with me.

There are two videos, here. It’s imperative that you watch them in order.

Are you sitting comfortably?

The first video is an explanation of how astronauts go to bed when there’s no gravity. It’s a video by Commander Chris Hadfield of the International Space Station (the I.S.S).

The second is…well, when you finish it, you’ll be in bits, and in awe that there are humans. In space. Looking at Earth. Who can sing together.

In the words of CBC Music: “The Barenaked Ladies, a children’s choir, and the commander of the International Space Station. Put them together and what do you get? The first space-to-earth musical collaboration. The song, “I.S.S. (Is Somebody Singing) was commissioned by CBCMusic.ca and The Coalition for Music Education with the Canadian Space Agency to celebrate music education in schools across Canada.”

You’re welcome, readers. Nothing like a bit of perspective on a Saturday morning.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll now be desperate to find out more about the I.S.S, and how astronauts do everyday things in space. Chris Hadfield has done lots more how-tos, here. He’s come home this week, handing over command of the I.S.S to Russia’s Pavel Vinogradov. He’s captured the hearts and minds of over 750,000 followers on Twitter with his photographs of the Earth from space.

Happy viewing, and happy weekend.

Categories: Weekend Wonderings
3 interesting thoughts on this

17 May 2013 by Aisling

Any Other Photo {Lucy and Phil}

My thought process when putting together Lucy and Phil’s AOP was along the lines of the following – ‘oooh, scrumptious dress…NICE pink tie, mmm I love those orange wedges…HOW excited does Turquoise Lady look?!’ and then BAM.

Have you ever seen as content a bride as Lucy? That relaxed hand holding her (awesome) bouquet, the toothpaste-advert grin and the happiness that radiates from her as she and Phil have their own little moment amidst the outpouring of love and confetti from their guests.

It’s more than enough to chase the rainclouds away on a Friday morning and Lucy’s lovely words and obvious appreciation of her Mum’s motto should set you up for a Very Good Day…

GORGEOUS image from We Shoot Weddings Photography

If you hadn’t already guessed, this photo was taken just after Phil and I left the church. Our friends and family, stocked with a gazillion petals bought in a wedding planning panic, began to get rowdy! I think this was the moment that we knew our wedding was going to be as much fun for everyone else as it was for us. Phil’s friends, my friends, little cousins, old family friends- everyone seemed to go bananas. From that moment on, the wedding became a rollicking party. I’m sure the seeds for many drunken mishaps later were sown here, as everyone conspired to drown us in petals. I’m not joking- when I got undressed that night I was still covered in confetti- it had got in my bra, my pants, stuck to me everywhere! So that’s one reason why I love this photo- the sense that everyone, absolutely everyone, is having fun. Read More »

Categories: Any Other Photo
11 interesting thoughts on this

16 May 2013 by Clare

The friend that made me me – Emma

The first piece that Emma wrote for us was for International Women’s Day. It was brilliant. And when she sent it in, she mentioned that she had a ‘friend that made me me’ piece that she was working on, if we were still interested in them. Of course I replied and said that we would LOVE a friend that made me piece – it’s been a while since we’ve had one, and they are always so beautiful .

So a month or so later, Emma sent this piece in. And it blew me away. I’m not going to say much more, because Emma tells this story so beautifully, so eloquently, that I don’t want to detract from it, but I urge you to read this when you have time to really sit and appreciate it. So Emma….it’s over to you.

When I first saw the ‘friend that made me me’ series here on Any Other Woman, there was someone that immediately sprung to mind. I count myself lucky enough to have many great friends that have helped me through the highs and the lows that life throws at us; great friends (and family) that have all played an instrumental part in making me the woman I am today. This obviously makes it very hard to select just one, but the particular person that I wanted to write about today is particularly apt as the ‘friend that made me me’ because she has known me all of my life, been there for me all of my life through good times and bad.

Lou and I have always been proud of the fact that we have been friends for so long. We have had many a debate about whether we are each other’s ‘oldest ever friend’ or ‘longest ever friend’. Either way it is all semantics because we have been in it for the long haul, through thick and thin, best friends from the start.

On occasion we have doubted that we retained that closeness at certain stages in our lives but I have letters, Facebook messages and texts from throughout the years to prove we did – the ‘love you always’ signoffs and the regular declarations: ‘you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had’ no matter what age.

Categories: Family, Friends and Relationships, Friend That Made Me Me
28 interesting thoughts on this

15 May 2013 by Anna

Jobs For The Girls – Head of Sudan Team at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office

I first came across Caroline when she sent us this post for International Women’s Day. I got slightly over-enthusiastic about it, and received a lot of mockery from my nearest and dearest as a result. You see, they know it’s a job I’d love to have. And whilst I am also a civil servant, working in international matters, I can assure you that a high-octane typical day for me involves typing particularly fast and perhaps getting two coffees instead of one. It does not involve a bullet-proof vest or nipping off to Ethiopia.

Caroline works at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO), which is the Government Department responsible for ensuring Britain’s national security (by countering terrorism and weapons proliferation, and working to reduce conflict); building Britain’s prosperity (by increasing exports and investment, opening markets, ensuring access to resources, and promoting sustainable global growth); and supporting British nationals around the world (through consular services).

So, I kicked off with asking what a typical day involves. Even I know not every day is a bullet-proof vest day. As Caroline explains: “A typical day really depends on whether you’re based in London, or in an Embassy or post overseas. For example, at the moment I head up the team in London working on Sudan. This means, in a typical day or week, I’ll spend a chunk of time at my desk emailing and talking to the team in Khartoum, agreeing how to handle discussions with the Government there, what we want to achieve through Security Council debates, what we should be saying to other countries and so on – all aimed at supporting efforts to end the ongoing conflicts in Sudan, and the development of a more open and democratic society, and deliver development assistance throughout the country. “

And then there’s the fare of every civil servant, of course – The Submission. “I also work with the team here to respond to questions from MPs and enquiries from the public – we write a lot of letters and answer a lot of questions! Finally, again working with the team across the whole of Whitehall, I will on a fairly regular basis develop written “submissions”, that basically are papers on suggested policies, for our Ministers to read and decide what they want us to do.”

And what about when you are on postings overseas? What happens then? “There is a lot more getting out and about – your job is to understand the country you’re in and the ideas and attitudes of the people there, and to promote and pursue the UK’s objectives there – be they on trade, security, ended conflict, or influencing the UN. The two overseas postings I’ve had so far have been in Sierra Leone and Afghanistan (by choice, they didn’t force me to go!). In Sierra Leone, I was on secondment to the UN, and I spent a lot of time with the bits of Government that were preparing for their first elections (in 2006) since civil war. I’d then feed information back to London, to the UN and the High Commission in Freetown, so that they knew how things were going and what we needed to do to support the elections. Again, I also spent time meeting with international colleagues, so we could make sure we were all working along the same lines and pressing for the same things.

In Afghanistan, I spent a lot of time with the military, understanding their planning and helping to ensure that the military and civilian planning was well joined up. Of my two years there, I spendt my last six months in Helmand, as political advisor to the US Marine Corps General. My day to day routine was a lot more frontline- literally and figuratively! I’d attend a lot of planning briefings and meetings (seeing a LOT of powerpoint presentations!) so I could help make sure the civilian-led Provincial Reconstruction Team were well plugged in to the military planning. I’d also go out for a couple of days at a time to stay in the “forward operating bases” across Helmand, as it was important to understand how things really worked on the ground, what was possible, what wasn’t and so on. Those trips were brilliant fun, involving lots of moving around by helicopter – although they were also completely exhausting, hot and dusty (temperature were often in the 40s…).”

Me on a helicopter in Afghanistan!

Categories: Jobs For The Girls, Money and Career
5 interesting thoughts on this

14 May 2013 by Clare

Two hearts.

If the cliche is true, if home really is where the heart is, then I currently have two homes. Or two hearts. Or something. That sounded more eloquent in my head than it looks typed here.

My home is here in KL. It’s where I live my life, it’s where I am settled. It makes me happy being here. The weather is beautiful. Not some of the time, not once or twice a year, but Every. Single. Day. Life is easy. We have amazing friends here who I know we’ll be friends with forever. We (and I know this), are insanely lucky to have the opportunity to live in a place like this.

I thought that life here was *so* good, that we are *so* happy here, that I couldn’t possible miss England.

I was wrong.

Because I’ve realised that home is also in England. In Cheltenham. Home is where I grew up. It’s where the scenery, and sounds, and smells are so familiar that I barely even notice them, but sometimes am jolted by the sound of pigeon cooing in the morning, or the smell of rain on cut grass, and forcibly reminded that this, *this* is home. Did you know, that when you haven’t seen it for so long, the brake lights of a traffic jam glowing in the grey, dull early morning light that is unmistakeably English, can actually be really beautiful?

Categories: Family, Friends and Relationships, Written By Clare
37 interesting thoughts on this

About

Hello! We're Clare, Aisling and Anna and welcome to a corner of the world where smart, flawed, real women talk about the bigger picture; about their experiences, stories and opinions on all aspects of being a woman today, from marriage to feminism to pretty, too.

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image by Lucy Stendall Photography